Petition: Give legal right of contact between grandchildren and grandparents

Germanshepherdsmum

My own experience of divorce from an abusive husband, and my son ceasing to see his father, is that it was hugely beneficial for him. Every situation is different, but imo a child is harmed more by being exposed to a very unhappy marriage than by the marriage coming to an end.

Perhaps people could quit arguing, for arguing sake, then they could accept/admit this truth. I'm not in/from a family that divorces (religious views) - even I understand this concept.

Iam64

Here’s a hair for you to split Glorianny. Debate on important issues is impossible when Some Posters are only there to score points, rather than discuss

Here’s a hair for you to split Glorianny. Debate on important issues is impossible when Some Posters are only there to score points, rather than discuss

Iam64

Glorianny

Iam64

Research is clear, children are negatively affected by parental separation. It’s worse of course if it’s full of conflict and anger between parents, easier if parents cop aren’t well
To say mh problems are no
More caused by divorce than chicken pox is denies the reality

But if this were true surely when divorce wasn't common then there would have been no mental health problems. But there were plenty. Mental health problems are caused through a complex mixture of genetics, early life experiences and trauma. They are not caused by divorce. My dad was bi-polar no one in the family was divorced.

Why would there be no mh problems when divorce was less. We all know about early psychological assessments eg Freud and his conclusions.

I agree with you on the contributors to mh problems developing. I disagree that they arent contributors to mh problems

There is a difference between causing and contributing.

I’m with you on this gsm. I was in a similar situation

My own experience of divorce from an abusive husband, and my son ceasing to see his father, is that it was hugely beneficial for him. Every situation is different, but imo a child is harmed more by being exposed to a very unhappy marriage than by the marriage coming to an end.

Glorianny

Iam64

Research is clear, children are negatively affected by parental separation. It’s worse of course if it’s full of conflict and anger between parents, easier if parents cop aren’t well
To say mh problems are no
More caused by divorce than chicken pox is denies the reality

But if this were true surely when divorce wasn't common then there would have been no mental health problems. But there were plenty. Mental health problems are caused through a complex mixture of genetics, early life experiences and trauma. They are not caused by divorce. My dad was bi-polar no one in the family was divorced.

Why would there be no mh problems when divorce was less. We all know about early psychological assessments eg Freud and his conclusions.

I agree with you on the contributors to mh problems developing. I disagree that they arent contributors to mh problems

They can be caused by divorce Glorianny. Iam isn't saying divorce is the only cause of mental health problems in children and we all I'm sure accept that the reasons are often complex and many.

Children whose parents are arguing all the time and creating a hostile environment can and do have their mental health affected.

Iam64

Research is clear, children are negatively affected by parental separation. It’s worse of course if it’s full of conflict and anger between parents, easier if parents cop aren’t well
To say mh problems are no
More caused by divorce than chicken pox is denies the reality

But if this were true surely when divorce wasn't common then there would have been no mental health problems. But there were plenty. Mental health problems are caused through a complex mixture of genetics, early life experiences and trauma. They are not caused by divorce. My dad was bi-polar no one in the family was divorced.

It wasn't my parents divorce that I found traumatic as much as the way it was conducted, which was acrimonious to say the least.

I don't believe that parents should stay together for the sake of their children, because I don't believe that unhappy parents can parent effectively, but even if my mum and dad hadn't been at each others throats, there's no way we could have been totally unaffected as the home life we'd always known would never be the same again.

I'm not smug about having been married for almost 43 years, but I am thankful that we still love another and are happy being together.

And obviously no one should stay with an abuser

Iam64

And I’m not speaking from a ‘smug’ perspective of remaining married

Nor me. I got divorced after 30 years. But, my children were grown and leading their own lives by then.

Their childhood was happy, ex and I were never toxic with each other. But, after the kids had gone, we had just grown apart, and had nothing more to say to each other. So, I left.

I remarried and the kids and GCs got on very well with DH.

Now, ex and I are friends and we have a nice relationship around of of the family.

Many divorces/break ups are very bitter though, which obviously has an impact on the children.

And I’m not speaking from a ‘smug’ perspective of remaining married

Research is clear, children are negatively affected by parental separation. It’s worse of course if it’s full of conflict and anger between parents, easier if parents cop aren’t well
To say mh problems are no
More caused by divorce than chicken pox is denies the reality

After he got divorced my ‘lovely’ brother in law never dealt with his children again. Very upsetting for his sons, especially as his mother was cut off from her grandchildren, too. His choice and his children, now grown up and married, never forgave him. He doesn’t know his grandchildren at all.

As a child of divorce, the worst part was before the divorce. I'd say that's true for many. I never felt like the divorce was the problem. There were a lot of problems. Me not having a present dad was good because of who my dad was.

It's not the "family breakdown" but the conflict surrounding parents with a toxic relationship.

Yes I think that is true

Messy divorces are extremely harmful as well, when one parent is angry at the other

Where parents divorce amicably, the children have a good routine and parents co parent effectively, I think children would be just as resilient

Being in an unhappy home as you say, is also detrimental

Adults just have to take responsibility for how their behaviour impacts children... Children pick up on so much more than a lot of adults give them credit for

VioletSky

Divorce is listed as an ACE or adverse childhood experience but, I think how it is handled is a huge factor as well as whether it is ultimately beneficial to the child

I think the biggest impact is probably financial and children of divorced parents probably do have less than the children of married people. One example is the use of private tutors to boost children's exam results. Most of my married friends had at least one for their children, some had more. I couldn't afford one. Their children came out with better grades.
I remember reading some research saying the children of divorced parents had poorer exam results and thinking why needed looking at.

Divorce is listed as an ACE or adverse childhood experience but, I think how it is handled is a huge factor as well as whether it is ultimately beneficial to the child

DiamondLily

Smileless2012

Isn't that terrible DL five in a class of 30 .

Yes, it’s very sad. Such a shame that adults and kids should be happier than ever, as most people have more now, than ever before, there are more support systems and advice than ever before, and yet, more and more, they’re unhappy and discontented.😗

Sorry what world are you living in? Resources now are stretched to breaking point. Schools are struggling to provide an education. The support system is unaffordable and most schools provide only the minimum. Children are underfed because their parents rely on foodbanks. Nursery schools are closing because they are not financially viable. Child mental health services are overstretched and are not coping, dental services are non existent in some places. Nothing is better.

M0nica

Family breakdown is a major cause of mental health problems in children.

The children of married parents and parents in long term secure relationships do better in every aspect of life.

My DGD has commented on the effect a divorce has had on the mental health of one of her friends. She is an only child and neither parent has a pattern of stable relationships since the divorce.

OMG
Have you any evidence of this?
It's one of the statements that really annoys me.
It isn't family breakdown that causes any of the problems.
And the smugness of people who stay married is just plain ridiculous. I grew up in a house with parents who should have divorced or at least got some counselling. Leaving home was such a relief. I vowed I'd never put my kids through that.
Mental health problems are mental health problems they are not caused through marriage breakdown any more than chicken pox is.

How do we control that in the internet age?

Personally think the Internet is the root of too much evil

They'll have heard it from someone/somewhere and it's not good for their mental health, which is why reality needs to be delivered in an age appropriate way.

That's what children have said to me, not what I would say to children

Children don't need to be sheltered from reality, but that reality needs to be age appropriate which is where, as you say Iam being protected by their parents comes in.

I agree that saying the planet is dying isn't an appropriate response to global warming, and the breakdown of adult relationships that don't have the welfare of children front and centre are damaging to their well being.