Married but living in 2 places?

Should have said working in London.

My Partner and I spent all our adult lives working and bringing up our children. We always said that when we retired we would move either abroad or to West Wales though I knew deep down that he would never move as he hates change. So Brexit made moving abroad more tricky but COVID meant that I could work from home. I found a place I loved in West Wales and moved between lockdown 1 and 2. I never moved back to London but retired and stayed in Wales. As predicted partner has retired and stayed in London. We are however still together and in fact get on much better. We speak every day, go on holiday several times a year together and visit each other every month for a few days or more. It is great for me having a London base to meet up with friends and family and also go to theatres etc. He loves the coast paths and wildlife in Wales. So win win for both of us. I would say go for it if you are both quite independent and don't mind time alone.

Not quite the same scenario but my husband had family, aunt and uncle, who wanted to emigrate to join their daughter in Australia.
However aunt refused to go while her mother was still alive, despite there being three other siblings of hers nearby.
Uncle died first, so they never did go.

If your husband has been waiting and wanting to move for years Envelope I think you need to work out a way to make it happen for him.

Agree with Primrose53 - and it would be good for Angela Rayner to see these posts if (and only if) she needs to persuade others who matter (i.e. not the Daily Wail et al) that she didn't owe any capital gains tax.

Every marriage is different and if this arrangement works for both of you, then go for it. It might be perfect or you might change your mind after a while. Best wishes for the future.

That sounds ideal to me and so practical if you both can afford it. I would certainly go along with that one.

I would do as Pascal suggests. If enough equity I'd say main house in seaside area but small flat in the city. It's unreasonable for him to have to continue to wait since he has lived in "your" city from your early 20s.

Is there a train service available or does it mean 2 cars are necessary?
(Maybe you have 2 cars anyway)

If you wish to remain together andyour husband really wants to be by the sea, then I think that keeping a small flat near where you live now could be a good compromise. You could continue working and seeing your elderly relative,and then spend the rest of the week by the sea. If the bulk of your finances went into a lovely home by the sea you may find you want to move permanently when you retire.. and your husband can also join you or stay with you in the flat whenever he wished...

Elderly parent is 10 minutes away. Property 2 is150 miles away. He does appreciate I don’t want to move.

*of property 2?

Where is the elderly parent?
And how far away is the likelihood off property 2?

The differing opinions are helpful. We have been married since our early 20s and this location issue has been a problem for years. We go away for weekends and longer trips about 10 times a year which we both enjoy and feel gives him what he wants but I just feel really anxious about moving for all sorts of reasons, e.g.elderly parent, good part time job.A couple of houses have sold recently on our street and he feels this is a good time to sell but I’m feeling pressured. The 2 locations was his suggestion as he knows I’m not really wanting to move and he would hope I would spend a lot of time with him there. As previous posters have said one of us will resent the other so a compromise is what we’re looking at.

I thought this was a post about Angela Rayner! 🤣🤣

Perhaps you could both rent by the coast for 6 months to a year and see if you really dislike it and if it’s all he’s looked forward to. Sometimes expectation is very different from the reality, then see where you are.

I'm assuming (perhaps erroneously) that this is a second/later life marriage? The comment "you can stay any time you like" suggests this is not a life long union. If it is, it is rather an odd comment.

Personally I wouldn't want to live separately from my husband and it does seem yours has sacrificed his desire to live by the sea for many years. Living separate lives can also lead to all kinds of trouble.

Do you actually see any future in your marriage? I think this is the more important question.

Go for it. Life is short. It sounds like a gentle parting is on the cards. You can stay friends and visit if you want. One or the other will have big resentments if you stay as you are. Good luck whatever.

living apart is not my idea of a marriage but if it works ok but sounds like the getting together would be less and less. on the other hand, if you were happy which you don't sound like now it might be better

Sounds like a good idea that suits you both. If you decide in the future to split up completely or that you dont want to live apart then it is easily rectified.

The poster who called it a gentle parting could be right.

Maybe that's what you (both?) really want?
If you haven't discussed separation, maybe you should, sadly.

You always knew he wanted to move but have been stalling for years - I think now it's his time. He had been patient (if grumpy) so if you don't love him enough to make the seaside your primary home and just have a pied à terre where you live now, I wonder if the bonds are strong enough.

Not expecting you to answer this Envelope - just think about it.

I think it's a good solution if you can afford to do so but don't think your H should purchase anything without your input as presumably you'll be living there some of the time.

It sounds like you have been given an ultimatum which rarely works. Maybe a list of pro’s and con’s for yourself may clarify your true feelings.

Thank you for all your thoughtful replies. I always knew he wanted to move and I can see his reasoning but stalled it so now he is forcing the issue and will choose a flat/ house where he wants really without my input as I’ve had my way for so long. My connection to friends and family is stronger because he can be moaning and judgemental and spends a lot of time alone in the house and I get respite mixing with others. I also have a part time job I enjoy. I was probably just hoping holidays away, which we enjoy would be enough for him. The poster who called it a gentle parting could be right. He wants the house on the market.

I could see it working well if you think of the coastal cottage as your home.. people quite often have a small flat in the city for work. So maybe you could use that for your social events but spend the majority of your time at the coast with your husband. If that idea doesn't appeal you may very well be looking at a more permanent separation.

It seems to me that this plan is a good solution, indeed the only solution to your current problem.

If you both stay where you are, you are happy but your husband isn’t, but if you both move to the coast, the situation is reversed.

A compromise might be to buy somewhere half way between the two areas, but then neither of you really gets what you want!

You may well find that once the two properties are up and running, that your husband finds that misses the family more than he thought he would and you love your time in his flat on the coast, so you end up spending a lot of time together.

Your husband has compromised all of his married life, living in a place he actively dislikes for your benefit. Now it is your turn, but I think you value your happy life above his, which does not bode well for the future of your marriage.