I don't want to help so much in the garden

I would suddenly have a bad back!

Could you invent "a friends son" who has just started his own business and is looking for work?

Or a younger family member, or somebody you'd be doing a favour by letting them do some gardening for you?

just be honest with him.
Tell him you don't want all your time being taken up by gardening and you would like a gardener to do the bits that you currently do or discuss which aspects your DH likes to do best and which he would like a gardener to take over so he can just concentrate on the bits he likes best.

I'd just leave it alone for a fortnight!

Find a gardener PDQ.

I pay someone to mow the lawn, prune and tidy which leaves me the jobs I like. I can enjoy sitting out without feeling guilty and I can protect my back.

I can sympathise. I am not a gardener. I don't want to do gardening, I have other interests. I don’t enjoy it, don’t have the energy, but since DH died, I have to do what I can manage, to meep it tidy, unless my daughter can spare some time to help.
If I can find the right person I will gladly pay the going rate.

Maybe you could ask around and find someone to help. DH is not being fair to you. You have enough else to do. Perhaps you could actually neglect the garden for a bit and let him realise it is too much for you.

Sago

I would suddenly have a bad back!

That's the best idea, I think.

The more you do, the more he’ll let you do!

You’ll have to put your foot down and insist that he gets a gardener. Even though you like a tidy garden, he’ll crack first if you stand your ground.

If you don't want to garden then stop. Tell him how much, if any, you are happy to do. And stop saying "we need a gardener" Say "if we are staying in this house, I am having a gardener"

Pay for a gardener yourself, you do not have to do things just because it is the way he wants it.

Please be honest with him and say that you have a life as well and this is not the future you had in mind. His dream was the garden and you have helped out in the past but now you want to do the things you have worked all your life to do. I hope you have a happy and long retirement.

You’re not managing the garden yourself, Jannipans if it’s impacting your life so much. I agree with others who suggest you row back on what you do, be busy elsewhere, have a bad back, or tell him straight you’re not going to do it anymore. What’s the worst that can happen? You’d have a jungle outside, which would be brilliant for wildlife!

Why don’t you just go and do the things you want to do and leave the garden to him? He will then realise for himself that he needs help from another source.

Tell him it is too much for you to do and only do what gives you pleasure.
If he wants to stay then he must pay.

Don't do the garden, or just do the bits you enjoy. Join some clubs or groups, now he's well enough.

Then he'll have to pay a gardener and/or start looking for somewhere to downsize to with a smaller plot..

Why are men so stubborn?

Honesty is the best policy! Tell him you don’t want to do it now but remind him of how much you did when he was ill. I used to do loads of gardening but I find now if I stoop too much I have backache for a few days so I might just pull up a few weeds or do half an hour or so pruning etc but then I stop.

My husband thinks it’s funny and not even worth going outside for but I just give him the finger and say it’s my body. 🤣🤣

You need a gardener so you can both sit and enjoy your garden.

Get a gardener for this season. Well, tell your husband that’s how long it’s for until he gets used to the idea.

I have help in the garden, only 2 hours a week but all year but am frustrated that my back only allows me to do fairly lightweight things like planting and dead heading. The garden is more or less under control but isn’t nearly as nice as when I was able to do the heavier stuff. Can’t see any point in not insisting on help now you need it, your DH could be appointed advisor and possibly planner but with you having the last word.

You know what to do, a gardener or move house.Since you’re the one who has to do everything then it’s your choice and not your DH’s.

What about a robot lawn mower? Expensive but it might save a lot of labour, and thrilling for your DH to operate!

Firstly have an honest conversation with him. Second arrange to do some of the things you would like to do.
Thirdly only do what you feel like and have time to do in the garden. If he
Can’t do all that needs doing he will have to employ a gardener.
It’s your life too.

I have always done most of the gardening including building a bbq and a pond. I mostly tend to my veg patch now. We don't have a lawn I ditched that years ago.
My DH would help trim trees paint fences etc. I have problems with arthritis so I suggested for the bigger jobs he gets help whether he likes it or not and he does now. I potter about doing what I want in the garden without interference.
Talk to your DH just say it's too much and you want to do other things with your time. He will probably resent it but might give in if you stick to your guns. You could invent a sore back as well a very good suggestion!

My gardener comes once a week for 3 hours, all year. I still do quite a bit myself but when DH died it seemed overwhelming.

Together we, gardener and I, have created a meadow so there is less grass to mow and we want it to be bee friendly.

I love my garden and hope to build an eco house in the garden to move into in my very old age. 😂

Be honest with him. Tell him you are not going to do it, and when he states we can manage, say to him "You can manage" see what he says then.
This is your retirement too, you must do the things you enjoy. If you can afford a gardener you have given him a choice.
Remind him politely not to speak for you, and it is your retirement too.

It is very selfish of your husband to expect you to continue with the gardening. If he can’t do it, then he can’t expect YOU to do it. Yes, develop a bad back - a good suggestion.