My husband kicks and punches me.

fancythat

Is he upset with you?
By that I mean, not enough to do anything by day, but in his dreams/subconcious, he is annoyed with you?

He says not, when he recalls some of the dream it’s usually to do with someone attacking him and him defending himself.

petra

My partner went through a phase of this. His was down to a medication he was taking. That was stopped and he’s now fine.
But there are several reasons for this which should be checked out.

www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/rem-sleep-behavior-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20352920

My husband isn’t on any medication but from what others have said a trip to the GP is probably the best starting point.

I’d go with separate rooms and a bell or mobile phone should you need to alert him through the night.
Otherwise, unless you are both big/overweight, I’d get 2x small singles - only 2ft6wide, so not much bigger overall than a standard double. Separate bedding, tucked down the middle, so he can’t kick.
I’m sorry to say it all sounds very dangerous and if he were to really hurt you, I’m not sure a hospital would accept your explanation (at first anyway) of his violent sleeping habits.

If you have space for a double bed, then you would surely have space for two singles pushed against each wall with some safe space in between..

Or have him in a separate room with an alarm system similar to one used for babies.

Twin beds with a bedside table in between.

Some people have these night terrors, sometimes caused by stress, could be caused by anti-depressants or for no reason at all.

Yes, a GP appointment would be a good idea.

Is he taking statins? If so maybe ask your GP to change them to a different kind.

Hownowbrowncow... you have described exactly what happens with my husband and I really feel for you.
I sometimes manage to stop him before he punches or kicks me but not always and it is horrible for both of us.
Thank you for posting as now having read this thread he will make an appointment to see his GP.

If you have a smart phone there are apps that can see what type of sleep you are in your sleep pattern etc that might give you and him some clues
There is no reason to think that he’s doing it on purpose I m sure he’s not
I once found something of mine that had been on the dressing table other side of the room , resting on my bed head when I awoke in the morning no idea how it got there. Nothing like that has ever happened since but I must have got out of bed and put it there
I was also told one night by a ex boyfriend that I was talking for ages in another language that sounded African… I don’t speak any other languages We can do weird stuff when we are asleep
Get him a GP appointment

Could be a condition called Periodic Limb Movement Disorder. PLMD. Separate beds I’m afraid if you want a good nights sleep. He needs to be checked out by his doctor.

I used to be a sleepwalker when I was a child. Mum once found me on the dressing table, trying to climb up the mirror.
One of my DC had night terrors, probably caused by exam stress.

HowNowBrownCow
Some time ago I had the most awful night terrors. Fortunately I didn’t know anything about them.
At about the same time I had symptoms that indicated that my thyroid medication needed tweaking.
It is documented.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8423342/#:~:text=Hyperthyroidism%2C%20defined%20as%20the%20presence,hyperkinetic%20features%20of%20the%20disorder.

Yes, this has happened to me. Not to the extent of being thumped, but have been kicked when he’s dreaming about playing football. He doesn’t play football IRL. He also has stressful nightmares about spying!

At the first sign of him having a lively dream, I shake him awake and ask if he’s playing football. This heads off any kicking.

I think the dreams were the result of stress and anxiety, not out of any desire to kick me. I’d happily have separate beds, as I have restless legs and I’m worried about keeping DH awake as well.

Oops, sorry everyone, I see I posted a comment in the wrong place. Apologies notnowbrowncow that must be very scary for you, hope you can find a workable solution

My late husband did this, and it was Sleep Apnea- despite medication and a C-Pap machine, it still happened.

I used to sense it, in the end, and give him a nudge - that usually worked.🙂

This is a serious problem and I feel sure your DH is not doing this on purpose. I recognize you are in a very difficult situation because you are dependent on his help especially during the night. Please go together to your GP and don't pull any punches ( pardon the pun!) Explain clearly how bad it is , obviously this can not continue. I am not a sleep expert but obviously your DH needs help . Some of the responses you have received show a lack of judgement and understanding. Do get medical help - I hope this horrible situation improves for you. Good luck.

Definitely get him some kind of medical help as soon as possible. He's probably not doing it intentionally. It's amazing what we do when fully asleep and have no idea what we're doing!

Over the years, my beloved hubby, who is also my carer, has accidentally clobbered me in his sleep! He's NOT abusive, I'm NOT a battered wife, he's the most gentle and caring hubby I could ever have, I worship him and he knows it,

There was one time we were both asleep and all of a sudden I screamed out as excruciating pain shot into my left eye and around that part of the face. As I screamed he woke up. Apparently he was dreaming he was in a boxing match, which is weird as he's not a boxing fan at all, gave his opponent a good right hander and it was me that got a huge black eye and swollen face! He immediately rushed me to the fridge when he stuck a frozen bag of peas on it, apologizing profusely! He's 5'9 and 18 stone so packs a good punch! Once the pain started easing we had a jolly good laugh about it!

A few other times too over the years where he's accidentally hit me.

But the strange thing is, in November 2022 we rescued a cat from the streets, she was abused and neglected, scared and starving, she's still with us, happy and content and well fed, we both love her to bits and you know what? Hubby has had no more ''violent sleep episodes'' since we got her! She sleeps with us every night, snuggled in his arms with his beard! I'm batter free now!

Ilovecheese

Is he taking statins? If so maybe ask your GP to change them to a different kind.

Him taking statins was my first thought too. My OH has developed Restless Leg Syndrome since taking statins and he regularly 'runs' in his sleep.

Astitchintime

Ilovecheese

Is he taking statins? If so maybe ask your GP to change them to a different kind.

Him taking statins was my first thought too. My OH has developed Restless Leg Syndrome since taking statins and he regularly 'runs' in his sleep.

The OP has already confirmed that he is not taking any medication.
HowNowBrownCow. Please don’t hesitate in going with your husband to see your GP.

My friend's mum had extremely vivid and upsetting dreams for a long time. She was diagnosed with Parkinson's and apparently those kind of dreams can feature before any recognisable symptoms. Definitely get him to the doctor.

Could you perhaps get 2 single beds pushed together with a board between them. A little like a bed guard. Then you would still be lose but have protection and peace of mind of having him close.
I confess, I am usually the one in our relationship who has on occasions kicked or punched out, usually during a dream of being restrained and possibly on the verge of waking made the actual move. Only a handful of times in the last 23 years. It wakes me and I am quick to apologise.

My husband suffers from this too. He jerks violently when falling asleep, particularly arms and legs. We now sleep in separate rooms and make sure we have twin beds on holiday wherever possible. He is completely unaware that he is jerking or twitching. I have tried shaking, prodding etc in the past but nothing seems to stop him. They are called hypnagogic jerks.

This kind of behaviour in sleep can be due to a number of medical issues.
Your husband needs to see his GP.

UPDATE: GP appointment made for Wednesday. Thank you all. It’s good to know that we’re not alone in this.

Move into the spare room and if you need help ring a bell.Everyone needs their own room specially as we get older.

Good luck HowNowBrownCow.- hope something is soon sorted.
🙏