My husband kicks and punches me.

Yes, this has happened to me. Not to the extent of being thumped, but have been kicked when he’s dreaming about playing football. He doesn’t play football IRL. He also has stressful nightmares about spying!

At the first sign of him having a lively dream, I shake him awake and ask if he’s playing football. This heads off any kicking.

I think the dreams were the result of stress and anxiety, not out of any desire to kick me. I’d happily have separate beds, as I have restless legs and I’m worried about keeping DH awake as well.

HowNowBrownCow
Some time ago I had the most awful night terrors. Fortunately I didn’t know anything about them.
At about the same time I had symptoms that indicated that my thyroid medication needed tweaking.
It is documented.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8423342/#:~:text=Hyperthyroidism%2C%20defined%20as%20the%20presence,hyperkinetic%20features%20of%20the%20disorder.

I used to be a sleepwalker when I was a child. Mum once found me on the dressing table, trying to climb up the mirror.
One of my DC had night terrors, probably caused by exam stress.

Could be a condition called Periodic Limb Movement Disorder. PLMD. Separate beds I’m afraid if you want a good nights sleep. He needs to be checked out by his doctor.

If you have a smart phone there are apps that can see what type of sleep you are in your sleep pattern etc that might give you and him some clues
There is no reason to think that he’s doing it on purpose I m sure he’s not
I once found something of mine that had been on the dressing table other side of the room , resting on my bed head when I awoke in the morning no idea how it got there. Nothing like that has ever happened since but I must have got out of bed and put it there
I was also told one night by a ex boyfriend that I was talking for ages in another language that sounded African… I don’t speak any other languages We can do weird stuff when we are asleep
Get him a GP appointment

Hownowbrowncow... you have described exactly what happens with my husband and I really feel for you.
I sometimes manage to stop him before he punches or kicks me but not always and it is horrible for both of us.
Thank you for posting as now having read this thread he will make an appointment to see his GP.

Is he taking statins? If so maybe ask your GP to change them to a different kind.

Twin beds with a bedside table in between.

Some people have these night terrors, sometimes caused by stress, could be caused by anti-depressants or for no reason at all.

Yes, a GP appointment would be a good idea.

If you have space for a double bed, then you would surely have space for two singles pushed against each wall with some safe space in between..

Or have him in a separate room with an alarm system similar to one used for babies.

I’d go with separate rooms and a bell or mobile phone should you need to alert him through the night.
Otherwise, unless you are both big/overweight, I’d get 2x small singles - only 2ft6wide, so not much bigger overall than a standard double. Separate bedding, tucked down the middle, so he can’t kick.
I’m sorry to say it all sounds very dangerous and if he were to really hurt you, I’m not sure a hospital would accept your explanation (at first anyway) of his violent sleeping habits.

petra

My partner went through a phase of this. His was down to a medication he was taking. That was stopped and he’s now fine.
But there are several reasons for this which should be checked out.

www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/rem-sleep-behavior-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20352920

My husband isn’t on any medication but from what others have said a trip to the GP is probably the best starting point.

fancythat

Is he upset with you?
By that I mean, not enough to do anything by day, but in his dreams/subconcious, he is annoyed with you?

He says not, when he recalls some of the dream it’s usually to do with someone attacking him and him defending himself.

This sounds to me lie a sleep disorder. When we are fully asleep our bodies are made immobile for this very reason.
You both need to sort this out with medical help as it isn't good for either of you.

My daughter-in-law has restless leg syndrome, and it has an underlying medical cause which has now been treated. It was explained to her that there can be several m focal causes, including some which are quite serious. Your husband needs to see his GP as a starting point.

crazyH

Coosman - that’s naughty 😂

I was just reading about a freshly postpartum woman who described her husband as the salt of the Earth…and then she overheard him call her the ‘c’ word under his breath when he thought she had fallen asleep. Nothing surprises me these days.

This is the email message I received today from Boots this afternoon . I’m all for forward planning but truthfully I’m still hoping summer will come and can’t really face thinking about autumn just yet!

Granmarderby10

I am curious to know precisely what type of help your husband is able to give you in the night.
You definitely need to sleep in separate beds even if this means moving all other furniture out to fit 2 beds in.
Other options would be a sofa bed for one of you in the lounge or a proper carer or at least an assessment by a healthcare worker for both yours and your husbands’ needs.
Personally -the first time it happened would be the last for me.
All apologies accepted, but this is a tad more serious than say, snoring which is extremely difficult to sleep with. Waking up with injuries is absolutely unacceptable.

I have a spinal cord injury and am paraplegic therefore he needs to be on hand.

Rapid eye movement sleep behaviour disorder.
Get him to see a doctor, there are things that may help.

petra

My partner went through a phase of this. His was down to a medication he was taking. That was stopped and he’s now fine.
But there are several reasons for this which should be checked out.

www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/rem-sleep-behavior-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20352920

That’s really interesting, and a bit scary!

Coosman

Are you very sure he is sleeping? Have you been awake to confirm at any point?

I am sure he’s sleeping, we’ve been married 38 years and I know when he’s asleep.

PS I’m with the separate beds or even separate rooms!

My partner went through a phase of this. His was down to a medication he was taking. That was stopped and he’s now fine.
But there are several reasons for this which should be checked out.

www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/rem-sleep-behavior-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20352920

Your DH needs to see a GP pdq! He may not be doing this deliberately but he could injure you seriously.

Have you tried waking him as he gets twitchy by asking "are you dreaming? Are you OK?
He may be fending something off...

My husband has never hit or hurt me but is a regular dreamer and fights off lions and so on to rescue people, get an animal to safety or whatever. I often ask if he's OK. He knows at once he's dreaming and can settle quickly.

If you can think of the name, I would be interested to know. Iam64.