Wealthy husband won't spend any money

Sounds like me and hubby. We just can't be bothered.

Sadly, I am not sure he will change.

I think I would try and approach it first from an emotional point of view.
What are his real, deep seated reasons for the non-spending?

Afraid of having no money?
The way he has been brought up?
Afraid the income will dry up?
Dont want to give money to businesses?
Nothing he really wants anyway?
Something else?

“Well, I would not have liked that, David49, you say your wife was unable to travel, not that she just refused to go anywhere, and you went off on singles holidays by yourself.”

My wife was chronically ill, unable to travel I became her full time carer for 5 yrs, as respite, our daughter stayed with her during those trips.

So I well understand the issues carers have, I was lucky I reduced work and became semi retired and there are family closeby. I did not find caring a burden, it’s about “for better or for worse” I learned to cook and take over all the domestic and garden jobs.

Callistemon you are saying I should not take respite

It’s a problem many women face, a husband that is not active and adventurous, when my first wife became unable to travel I took a few holidays as a single

Well, I would not have liked that, David49, you say your wife was unable to travel, not that she just refused to go anywhere, and you went off on singles holidays by yourself.

Debbi1958's case is a bit different. Perhaps start with small steps, Debbi and persuade him to go out, perhaps fish and chips by the seaside if it's within reasonable distance, afternoon tea. He might find he enjoys it.
Is he nervous about driving now? So many main roads, motorways are so busy now.
You are both relatively young, so many places to explore even just in the UK 🙂

He may be concerned about eking out the money until you both get your State pensions too.

Cabbie21

It might be helpful if your husband shared the details of the household finances with you, if he doesn’t already.
Two reasons:
1. You can then see what your running costs are and how much is in the kitty and what money might be available for leisure spending, and what savings there are for contingencies and for the future
2. If he were to die or be incapacitated, you would know how to manage. Sorry, but it can happen without warning.

Whilst you may not be in a position to work and have your own income, it is important that you are fully involved in the household budgeting. Then you will know what is affordable or not.
Ideally, I hope you have access to some money that you can spend as you wish.

In addition to Cabbie21's suggestion you might also consider asking your husband if he has nominated you in respect of 'survivor pension' for his private pension in the event that he dies before you.

It might be helpful if your husband shared the details of the household finances with you, if he doesn’t already.
Two reasons:
1. You can then see what your running costs are and how much is in the kitty and what money might be available for leisure spending, and what savings there are for contingencies and for the future
2. If he were to die or be incapacitated, you would know how to manage. Sorry, but it can happen without warning.

Whilst you may not be in a position to work and have your own income, it is important that you are fully involved in the household budgeting. Then you will know what is affordable or not.
Ideally, I hope you have access to some money that you can spend as you wish.

It’s a problem many women face, a husband that is not active and adventurous, when my first wife became unable to travel I took a few holidays as a single, there were always several married women getting away on their own. They usually were working or drawing on a pension and used that money to pay for the holidays.

The OP needs to be more assertive, insisting on doing what she wants, as a couple if possible, if not as a single or friend.

This will seem personal but how do you get any money does he give you an allowance ? Do you have any savings from your work days?
You ve bern married 14 years and he’s been fully supporting you both and the house for the last 4 years can't you do anything to earn some money for yourself? I ve never been in this position but I couldn’t bear to be wholly supported by another person
When you look at holidays and he says they are too expensive do you just agree and walk away, why not suggest a cheaper version or even just a day out eating some chips instead of a full meal somewhere
If he says something is too expensive, instead of accepting that, ask him what you can afford can you afford a long weekend instead of a week can you afford a day trip take a picnic to the woods take some sandwiches to a museum an art gallery anything to get out the shed

It seems as though he has been supporting you for years and he can do that because he has been careful. He might feel differently in another ten years but his savings are a good safety net, allowing a roof over your heads, comfortable life, car etc. You say you are financially secure, seems as though your husband has been responsible for that. He did well

Is he afraid of being without money. Has he ever been in a position where he could not afford to buy something. Were his parents always financially well off or were they once poor.

Perhaps it is a fear of not having any money in his old age.

That’s why he is wealthy. Seems to go with the territory,somehow, from my experience. If you have any money that you control yourself I would just go and do things anyway because you only have one life. It may also be that he is nervous in company and uses the money as an excuse not to mix with others which is a different story altogether and he may need help with that.

Sorry your post wasn’t there when I posted
Obviously if you have NO money in your own name that makes it more difficult Does he pay for everything ? Do you have no independence at all ?
Can you do any home jobs or find a sitting down part time job to make some money for yourself it must be awful to depend on someone else for every penny Surely you can’t spend the next 7 years relying on your tight husband ?

60 is so young you should be having sone fun whilst you can

He is probably financially secure because he is 'careful' and thrifty. My father was the same, after a lifetime of supporting his mother as well as my mother and me. Remind him that savings will evaporate once he /you need care in old age, and that Labour will most definitely target his money with taxes and charges to pay for the improvident.

Do you work or have your own pension ? why rely on your husband go out with the friends who invite you for the meal without him You’re not joined at the hip.
As for holidays do you have friends outside your marriage? go somewhere with them, have a day out now and then If you don’t have a life outside your husband, start one, join something, go to something, go somewhere Get on a bus and go to another town do some window shopping or buy something, go to the cinema or threatre tell him how wonderful the show was
He has his ways and you’re trotting along beside him although you don’t enjoy those same ways you can change and you never know he may follow
It’s all up to you really

I retired myself around 4 years ago, I have rheumatoid arthritis, I didn't have a works pension and won't get my state pension until I'm 67 I believe

Do you work full time? Lead by example. He doesn't have to spend anything if it scares him. Have fun and use your earnings to treat him to an evening out. These times will change. You can't change him.