Wealthy husband won't spend any money

Thank you for that, NotSpaghetti, my own grandmother lived until 103. She was lovely, really miss her . Unfortunately for us , it's only hubbie. He has 2 estranged adult children, so no help there and no siblings either.

Debbi my husband (and I) are concerned about going away as his mum (who lives alone) is 100 now. However we can be back quickly if we don't go too far- even Europe is just a few hours.

We can call her from our holiday and our children have said they would visit and she also has a lovely cleaner weekly and a gardener too.
She has regular things on a few times a month so we can pick a "busier week" if we want.

I think we can do it. And your husband probably can too.

There's no wrong or right, is there?
I'm sure there must be a compromise, somehow.

Would he consider doing a garden/plant/garage type outing at least once in a while?

Since writing this, I have noticed he's more comfortable at home. Pottering in his garage or gardening. He also admitted he's concerned about his elderly parents. Maybe he feels he needs to be around for them? I do understand that , is just not what we talked about pre retirement, 2 years ago. I'd also like to spend more time with him, one of my daughters has been poorly the last week, so I've been busy with our 3 grandchildren anyway

Callistemon213

I think the problem is that the husband is content at home and just doesn't want to go far.

This^ Nor do I.

Find a balance. You can work this out.

My husband is content at working at home, golfing with me along. Skiing if the new knees hold, playing tennis and the occasional river cruise (not as many as in the near past years as we've done all of them).

Some people were brought up to live below their means. He sounds like one of them. I'm like that even though I'm fairly comfortable. In retirement I've turned into a serious homebody, and having a set routine makes me comfortable. But I do enjoy the occasional day trip or beach trip weekend and having a dinner out every now and then. Maybe just discuss places he would like to go and try to find a middle ground. Maybe eat out but not at an expensive place. Lots of places in the states are cheap and delicious! I personally don't like spending a fortune on one meal. Maybe take a day trip once a month he picks a place one month then you pick etc. Would any of that work?

Germanshepherdsmum

I have read the full thread. Nothing changes my mind about a woman trying to get her husband to spend more money than he wishes.

Where did the OP say that she wanted her husband to buy expensive holidays for her? I can't find that, only that she would like to do more with him.

Yes, he has changed from what he said before, is what the disappointment is. And won't accept compromises cost wise either.

Debbi58 at least he is talking now!
Well done for giving him a gentle prod.
You may find there are last minute opportunities that are discounted or that by going slightly off-season your favourite hotels will have offers.
🤞

I think the problem is that the husband is content at home and just doesn't want to go far.

I think that's really the point paddyann

I think the post title may have given a wrong impression,surely a "wealthy" husband shouldn't have been the issue,that of course was amplified by the OP stating she'll be a "very wealthy widow" if he dies first.
I dont and never have given though to the "wealth" in the family its sounds grubby and grabby .
Maybe she should have just written her OH has issues about going places with her DESPITE not having financial problems.She might have got some more sympathetic answers

My parents had just 4 years retired.
Then they died.
I don't always make the best of every day - but I do know I'm lucky.
❤️

Agree with Skate. I never had a retirement with my husband, I would willingly have spent the rest of my life just here with him rather than holidays. He was the most generous and loving husband though. Miss him everyday, I know lots put upwith husbands they don't really get on with though.

I am glad you have talked. i suppose you could book the holiday that has doubled in price on the agreement you'll only do it every other year and you may find he enjoys so wants to go every year. Sometimes we get out of the habit of doing things and it becomes anxiety inducing rather than enjoyable. Hopefully you'll sort it out

I'll try and clear a few points up and the I'll put this post to bed
He took early retirement because he found out how big his pension pot was , we both agreed it would be nice to do more together , whilst we can. I think he just didn't realise how much things have gone up in price. We used to go on abroad, in a 3 or 4 star hotel for around £500 each . Its now a thousand each , which he things is too much, although we can afford it . If I suggest a cheaper hotel , he says, no it will be rubbish . So we book nothing . I do know how much h money we have and appreciate it has to last. My frustration is , we both agreed we would go out more , the odd pub lunch or weekend away etc . He's been retired 2 years now and we have hardly done anything together. I have tried talking to him in the past to no avail. We have now talks and he had agreed we should be doing more, so fingers crossed

Yes, it was misleading - but the OP subsequently clarified matters and as is so often the case people don’t read the updates before wading in.

To all of you now saying “ it’s not about the money” maybe the title of the thread was what mislead the majority?

Trouble is, people just read the first post and then jump in with their two penn’orth. Later posts by the OP show that things are not as they at first seemed and indeed it’s not all about money.

It's glaringly obvious it's not about the money.

She quite simply wants to go places with her husband, as they used to do.

She wants to spend time with him, which is not unreasonable when someone is your life partner.

Pythagorus, I don’t ‘presume’ what you do. To me, the issue is not whether or not * Debbi* must rely on her husband to pay for things that she would like to do ( she does have money of her own), but rather that she would like them to spend ‘their’ money doing things they could enjoy together, but he is not as enthusiastic. I really don’t think that the financial aspect is the main issue here, though everyone else seems to.

Oh dear! It is a contentious post! And if I may say, a strange post really. The poster is complaining that her husband won’t spend his money on things she like him to spend his money on. One presumes that she hasn’t got enough of her own money to be able to do the things she wants to do and therefore relies on him financially.

I suppose there is a difference between people have been married for 50 years and have brought our children together and probably shared early hardships together as opposed to second or subsequent marriages where partners come together with wildly different financial assets.
But surely before two people in middle or old-age get together, they have discussions about how the financial arrangements will work. After all, it is important to a living together relationship. Just as they have to make wills to protect each of their families.
Relationships only work when two people meet each other’s needs. So surely one should make sure that each of you know what the others needs are and be happy about meeting them.
Perhaps people enter relationships without dealing with such basic, but essential financial communications.
Many women do enter a second relationship for financial security. So it would make sense they check out exactly what the situation is going to be before they become ensconced in the relationship.
After seeing my own mother struggle financially, while my father spent the money he had anything he wanted to, I learned that it was important for me to become financially independent as soon as I could and not rely on anyone else for financial support. That took me awhile, but I got there in the end. I have taught my granddaughters the same lessons. They are now aged 16 and 18 and have their own current and savings accounts. They now have the budget and they both have little jobs and whatever they earn, they say save some and spend some.
It’s a different world out there now. Life isn’t like it used to be in the 1950s.

undines

Gosh I would never post on here with a problem! So many judgemental replies! Every marriage is different. In the 'old days' the wife stayed at home and managed the house, the man went out to work, but as I see it that was a partnership. Which means resources are shared. If a wife is a homemaker why should she have no financial rights? Homemaking is an essential, but little respected role, and if that was the OP's role, agreed between the two of them, then of course she has 'rights' when it comes to money and most reasonable husbands would agree - what say you, David49? I'm not sure what the answer is but if I were in the OP's position I think I might become less nice to live with!

I think I posted this (more or less) earlier in the thread, and I do agree totally, but I think it has become a debate about a husband ‘ controlling’ finances!
As far as I can see, Debbi would like to do nice things WITH her husband, but he doesn’t share her enthusiasm, because he feels her suggestions are too expensive. I said earlier that maybe he would agree to putting a sum away every month to fund outings, perhaps starting with lunch, then moving on to weekends and short breaks.
I know that the Bodach would never have minded if we didn’t ever go on holiday, though he always enjoyed it when we did. I’m sure that, had I died first, he would have preferred to keep the money in the bank. I see that Debbis husband is, like the Bodach, an only child of well-off parents, so maybe it’s something to do with how they were brought up. It took me quite a while to ‘train’ him into being more relaxed about spending!

Cannot believe some of the comments here. They are a married couple. Regardless, of money or, trips away with friends, the lady wishes to make memories with her husband. Sounds like the husband does and is not meeting his partners needs to a reasonable and fulfilling life. On the otherhand, the wife appears to be trudging along to please him. He seems self absorbed in his own world to me. We are not here for long and at our age life is too short to give up our dreams!

Sorry you are so disappointed in the way your marriage has turned out, but only you can change your situation. You both seem to want to live totally different lives so, brutal though this may sound, maybe it is time you did something about it? Like GSM, I have always been financially independent through hard work and accepting that no one else is responsible for me and the way I choose to live!