Am I Being Unreasonable in missing my close friend

This happened to me, I wasn’t dumped for a bloke, but for newer friends and activities which took priority over anything friend & I had organised. I realised I was being too accommodating to changes of plan, giving her the idea it was no big deal. So if she contacted me to cancel an arrangement because something more exciting had cropped up, I’d say I understood, but I couldn’t commit to another arrangement and, as she seemed really busy, perhaps we should wait until she had a bit more time.

Of course, your friend is going to be over the moon if she’s met a new love, but she will still need your friendship when the novelty wears off!

The other thing I would point out is that nothing is really permanent in this life , and even more so in older age. So while she is in the first flush of this new relationship, this man may seem like her "Mr Perfect" , but he may turn out not to be at all . In which case your friend may very well end up deciding to be single again - or he could have a heart attack and die - or be killed in an accident, anything might happen. Men come and go for all sorts of reasons , but good friends are always valuable!! Never forget your worth 💕

I presume you also feel angry? I ask that as I do in the following circumstances
old friends but we lived several miles away from each other. We just used to email each other on a regular basis. She contacted me to ask if we could meet up in person, I replied yes but suggested a meeting point midway. Since then no contact and no replies to my emails . My husband thinks she has ignored me as I did not suggest she stay for a few nights in our house. A lot of people think that living in Devon means you are automatically by the sea and not inland. We no longer live in Devon and may that also be the reason for complete silence over 6 months. ? No longer a "free holiday"?

her head is probably in the love mist, as we know ,it will end! find some new friends ,she may come back to you, that is if you want her to return?

Echoing alot of what has been said already. It’s maybe worth pointing out , you are going through a bereavement of sorts. You feel like you have lost your friend - you haven’t but the loss is real and the realisation the future you might have imagined has changed . Hold her in your heart and welcome any communication from her . Be kind to yourself and take care x

There are lots of reasons why the balance of friendships shift - the arrival of grandchildren, retirements and bereavements, age and illness etc. I would urge you to try to build a relationship with Mr. Perfect too, so that you can sometimes do things altogether, and no one is left out. I remarried 9 years ago and my husband enjoys occasional outings with myself and single female friends or my adult daughters. And they enjoy some male company too. He has got to know some of the other members of their families over time, at family events. Everyone’s circle has widened a little. I can see how hard it is, but try to see this as an opportunity, not a loss. Things will find a new balance in time, if you can be patient and remain the loving and caring friend you have clearly been for a long time.

It always makes me sad when I read on here the question 'AIBU for my feelings?' Feelings are never unreasonable - they are what they are - feelings, and we should never repress them. However, what we actually decide to do is a different matter, and if you make your resentment clear to your friend you could damage the relationship. That happened to me, I met my (now) husband and some friends have now rejected me, because they thought I rejected them. This made me very sad for a while, because I never meant to reject anyone, and in all fairness it was not made clear to me at the time that anyone was needing me, in my absence. I fell in love and everything was a whirl, nothing seemed the same, life was magical. Now it's settled down and though I love my husband he is most certainly NOT 'perfect' or magical! In a way I wish I could still be close to these two friends, who were once my closest, but that is seemingly not on the menu. It's funny but as time passes I realise that maybe it was for the best, for I have moved on and now have other friends. It's hard for you but I think it will be by far the best thing to get on with stuff on your own for a while, make new friends (maybe keep your eyes out for a man of your own?) and in time your friend will need you again - it's just the way it goes. Give her her time of magic, life's too short not to.

Keep busy - go out, do things - there will be someone on their own too just waiting to form a friend in you ! 😘

Feel your pain; I have been exactly where you are now and felt gutted at the time
Sadly our friendship did not survive; we gradually drifted apart and an email from her in reply to one of mine catching up just before one Christmas ended up with something along the lines of best wishes for the future, making it clear she no longer wanted me in her life. I never responded and looking back years on I can see our friendship wasn't as strong as I had thought
I have seen her twice since - once at the GP surgery, she was coming out as I was going in and we had a brief and civil but very stilted conversation and another time from a distance at a village carnival where I actively avoided her by retreating into looking intently at one of the stalls until she had passed by.
I have long moved on, now with a partner of my own and I seldom think about my former friend

She is entitled to have a new life with her Mr right but does seem she has dropped your company very much. Not very nice, You may feel hurt but also it seems it’s become a big loss to you. It’s nice if you can tell her how you feel, you never know you may be able to make up a foursome, even just for friendship? Who knows,

It is so lovely to read such supportive messages for the OP, who I hope continues to enjoy having her close friend in her life.

There are times and seasons for friendships, you drift in and out of intense relationships but so often, when people move away or transfer some of their emotional energy into a new relationship things can be picked up again at a later date so it's maybe not permeant.

Lovely positive post madelaine45.

It is sad when you lose your best friend and someone you spent so much time with. Perhaps you could cultivate a friendship with him too. Perhaps invite them both around to your house for an evening meal ? Also there are lots of groups you could join , maybe some light charity work , where you'd meet other people and Perhaps make new friends.

Exactly the same thing happened to me. At first I was hurt and put out. I got used to it though, concentrated on other friends and now it doesn’t matter. We still see one another but far less frequently.

boheminan I truly hope you have a lovely day.

It sounds to me that you are still important to each other - and that you don't need to worry as you were doing.

I think her "Mr Perfect" name probably comes from a cheery place.
👍

Thank you all for your responses, they're so helpful and supportive. My friend phoned today and we're meeting up tomorrow. NotSpaghetti friend refers to him as 'Perfect', we both now call him Mister Perfect (I hope to meet one like him one day - or even a Mister-not-quite-Perfect would be nice).

The same here BigMamma. In later life, I’m deeply sorry how I side-lined a friend when I started dating DH. We’d met at College and I saw her every weekend and suddenly it all stopped. I later found out she’d gone to work for the Camphill movement where her younger brother was a resident.

Kim19

Madeleine45, what a lovely contribution. You are undoubtedly a very positive person with a beautiful heart. Thank you🌷

ditto

Agree with Monica.

Your friendship is still there - but changed. Keep in touch - but not too often! She knows you are there and who knows she may need you in the future. Get out there and enjoy life !

Madeleine45, what a lovely contribution. You are undoubtedly a very positive person with a beautiful heart. Thank you🌷

If you truly care about each other this friendship will survive.. get on with your life and find other things you enjoy, only send positive thoughts in her direction and give it some time.. she is rightly enjoying her new love and as long as you are not resentful of this she will not forget you.. and may find more time for you..

My oldest friend 30 odd years is a link to the past when my life was very troubled. She was a great support.We still are in contact see each other maybe twice a year, but we WhatsApp and text each other all the time. She has other friends she's known ALL her life but it doesn't impinge on our friendship. We never actually do 'stuff' together we just gel together so we'll and when we meet it's as though we saw each other yesterday. Give your friend time with her new man she will eventually drift back once that first flush dies down.

I remember when I met my future husband so many, many years ago, I was in love and nothing else mattered but him. He felt the same way and sad to say our friends drifted into the background as we preferred to do things together. Perhaps in time when the first signs of new love has passed your friend may once again reach out to you.