Advice for unhappy wife

See a solicitor as soon as possible. Don't put up with an unhappy marriage. I believe you should get half of evérything but a solicitor will advise on that.
Good luck.

It's never too late for a fresh start.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/legal-system/finding-free-or-affordable-legal-help/ Hope this helps.

You have my sympathy and understanding of your dilemma cos my husband is very similar. The trouble is, whatever the law says you are entitled to, a vindictive spouse can delay things for a very long time, even take action to reduce his assets so that you get even less, or sometimes worse. I wonder if you can face staying with him and accepting that he won't change but make a life for yourself outside the home by joining clubs or societies.ou don't suggest

You don't suggest that he is violent which would be a different matter altogether.

You sound very unhappy. If you left, even living in a small one bedroom flat - would the peace you obtained be better than the stress you have now? If so, then go to a solicitor and start things moving.

Thanks everyone . I really appreciate your replies . It’s a particularly bad weekend - he will calm down eventually but I just want some peace at home . Instead of constant stand offs . He doesn’t talk to me for days after one of these sulks - and then blames me !! Still mulling things over - but thanks again

I think violent behaviour is different to this situation because violence is obvious. This insidious drip drip bad treatment is daily misery and I'd definitely want to get out.

If you did split the house, can you see yourself in a flat or small house just for you? Would making your own decisions feel like a relief?

I would talk to a solicitor to clarify the facts and to Womens Aid too.
They have a helpline and will be supportive.

You say he's controlling overbearing and not pleasant to live with - but you seem to think he owes you more than half because he also lied...
You may (both) end up with less than 50% but if you are happy does that matter?
Only you know.

Thinking of you.

You certainly have some food for thought here think about what family you have your social life be it together or individually.
There is more to a marriage/partnership than money and ownership that need considerable thought. Whatever you decide after seeking legal advice as suggested I hope you find peace of mind.💐

you say the house is big; can't you live kind of separately within it, at least for the time being, while you decide what to do.
be like distant flat-mates ?
make a social life for yourself, don't expect any emotional input from him, avoid him as much as poss?

I feel your pain! I know how difficult it can be. Also, 71 and very unhappy within my long marriage. It's frightening at our age to consider separation/divorce, but the suggestions are obviously something to consider. If you have a large house as you say, it would be possible to lead your own life separately, but how successfully I don't know. Have you got family, that may be neutral where you could stay for a while, maybe this would make him see you are serious and make him make the decision to downsize. Wishing you well anyway. X

A 50/50 split is the starting point Nannimo. You need expert legal advice and before you go have as much financial information at your finger tips and it's a good idea to make a list of questions before hand. Good luck.

Mental and emotional abuse is just as bad, and sometimes worse, than physical abuse.

My advice, leave! Seek out advice, you don’t mention if you have children, but if you do can you discuss this with them ?

Please let us all know how you get on!

You have two choices- leave him regardless of the money situation- you will never be as well off as you are now.

Or, stay and build a life for yourself around what things in life make you happy. There are ways of living with controlling people but it takes determination and emotional strength. At least it sounds as if you will be financially secure.

No harm in asking a solicitor's advice. No harm in going for help dealing with his abuse.

It is only your choice

Please ring a solicitor who specialises in family and divorce, you usually get 30 mins free. If you feel you are suffering from coercive abuse then yes Womens aid, too.

More information may give you a chance to think things through, certainly thee financial facts. All the best

What sort of state is the house in? You say it is large, with a large garden and the bills are high, but is it comfortable and pleasant to live in, and well-maintained, or is it cold, inefficient and in need of updating? Would he spend money on it to make it easier to run?
Think about how you would live should you split. He certainly can delay the divorce as he does not want one and he controls the purse strings. Could you manage on your income without his support until the house is sold?
Has the marriage irretrievably broken down? Is the argument about the house the only bone of contention, or are there others? Is he terrified of change and fearful of the future? Are you just a tiny bit dictatorial?
Many points to consider before you (possibly) jump out of the frying pan into the fire.

My mother left my controlling father when she was 72 after more than 50 years od marriage. It was the best thing she had ever done. She left with nothing but managed to find a little flat and furnished it with the help of family and friends. A few years later she met a charming man and he treated her like a queen. It's NEVER too late = do it as soon as you have the confidence to do so but don't delay. You will find happiness.

Newatthis

My mother left my controlling father when she was 72 after more than 50 years od marriage. It was the best thing she had ever done. She left with nothing but managed to find a little flat and furnished it with the help of family and friends. A few years later she met a charming man and he treated her like a queen. It's NEVER too late = do it as soon as you have the confidence to do so but don't delay. You will find happiness.

It doesn't happen for everyone. I'm glad your mum changed her life like this but not everyone meets the love of their life after many years of marriage.

I don't think OP is necessarily looking for 'happiness,' but possibly a better life with a certain degree of financial security.

Divorce is expensive ( I speak from experience ) but if it's what you really want then go for it. Why should he be allowed to make your life miserable? If you go through the courts he can be ordered to sell the house whether he wants to or not or they'll send in the bailiffs. Speak to a solicitor.

Before you do anything have a look at all assets - his and yours - whilst alone. Make copies on your laptop - file known only to you.

Get your ducks in a row - go on over to Mumsnet and look for "How do I get my ducks in a row" (link won't paste)

I think keepingquiet's post is really important.

As is getting your ducks in a row

See a solicitor get his/ her advice and hopefully you can just clear off - you deserve better

Does your husband look after himself or does he expect you to do all the cleaning, washing, shopping and cooking? He says he has DIY to do, does he actually do any?

I am asking this because it seems that he does not want to separate simply because he can't or doesn't want to look after himself when you are there to do it for nothing.

I may be quite wrong about your situation but it seems to me that you need out before he wears you down completely. You clearly deserve better than to spend the rest of your life with this selfish man.

You have some excellent, detailed advice from other posters. I can only add good luck whatever you decide to do.

I am very grateful for all your posts . Think easybe haz it right really - I am fearful of jumping out of the frying pan into the fire . Yes I haven’t got a crystal ball so it would be a huge and terrifying step . Of course there’ are other things going on - the house is cold and H has an obsession with wood burners - that’s all the heat we have in the winter . He rules everything but will tell other people that he is going to get some CH in but nothing happens . If I complain H says I’m ungrateful after all the money he had spent over the years in providing a big house . When I hear myself telling you all about it I want to to leave but I am stuck in a fear mode . I am seeing a counsellor to help me overcome my fear but it’s so hard . Yes i feel that I am just used - he does not do any cooking or help with the housework . He does the garden but that is a building site ! Full of piles of building materials that are no use but he wont get rid of any of it. I’m sorry to say he procrastinates and is a hoarder - both inside and outside the house . H keeps buying stuff but it doesn’t go anywhere - it gets piled up to be ready for when the room is finished . But the the room never gets finished and so we go on the merry go round again . So a sorry do the rant but it does make me feel a bit better