Advice for unhappy wife

Divorce is expensive ( I speak from experience ) but if it's what you really want then go for it. Why should he be allowed to make your life miserable? If you go through the courts he can be ordered to sell the house whether he wants to or not or they'll send in the bailiffs. Speak to a solicitor.

Newatthis

My mother left my controlling father when she was 72 after more than 50 years od marriage. It was the best thing she had ever done. She left with nothing but managed to find a little flat and furnished it with the help of family and friends. A few years later she met a charming man and he treated her like a queen. It's NEVER too late = do it as soon as you have the confidence to do so but don't delay. You will find happiness.

It doesn't happen for everyone. I'm glad your mum changed her life like this but not everyone meets the love of their life after many years of marriage.

I don't think OP is necessarily looking for 'happiness,' but possibly a better life with a certain degree of financial security.

My mother left my controlling father when she was 72 after more than 50 years od marriage. It was the best thing she had ever done. She left with nothing but managed to find a little flat and furnished it with the help of family and friends. A few years later she met a charming man and he treated her like a queen. It's NEVER too late = do it as soon as you have the confidence to do so but don't delay. You will find happiness.

What sort of state is the house in? You say it is large, with a large garden and the bills are high, but is it comfortable and pleasant to live in, and well-maintained, or is it cold, inefficient and in need of updating? Would he spend money on it to make it easier to run?
Think about how you would live should you split. He certainly can delay the divorce as he does not want one and he controls the purse strings. Could you manage on your income without his support until the house is sold?
Has the marriage irretrievably broken down? Is the argument about the house the only bone of contention, or are there others? Is he terrified of change and fearful of the future? Are you just a tiny bit dictatorial?
Many points to consider before you (possibly) jump out of the frying pan into the fire.

Please ring a solicitor who specialises in family and divorce, you usually get 30 mins free. If you feel you are suffering from coercive abuse then yes Womens aid, too.

More information may give you a chance to think things through, certainly thee financial facts. All the best

You have two choices- leave him regardless of the money situation- you will never be as well off as you are now.

Or, stay and build a life for yourself around what things in life make you happy. There are ways of living with controlling people but it takes determination and emotional strength. At least it sounds as if you will be financially secure.

No harm in asking a solicitor's advice. No harm in going for help dealing with his abuse.

It is only your choice

Please let us all know how you get on!

Mental and emotional abuse is just as bad, and sometimes worse, than physical abuse.

My advice, leave! Seek out advice, you don’t mention if you have children, but if you do can you discuss this with them ?

A 50/50 split is the starting point Nannimo. You need expert legal advice and before you go have as much financial information at your finger tips and it's a good idea to make a list of questions before hand. Good luck.

I feel your pain! I know how difficult it can be. Also, 71 and very unhappy within my long marriage. It's frightening at our age to consider separation/divorce, but the suggestions are obviously something to consider. If you have a large house as you say, it would be possible to lead your own life separately, but how successfully I don't know. Have you got family, that may be neutral where you could stay for a while, maybe this would make him see you are serious and make him make the decision to downsize. Wishing you well anyway. X

you say the house is big; can't you live kind of separately within it, at least for the time being, while you decide what to do.
be like distant flat-mates ?
make a social life for yourself, don't expect any emotional input from him, avoid him as much as poss?

You certainly have some food for thought here think about what family you have your social life be it together or individually.
There is more to a marriage/partnership than money and ownership that need considerable thought. Whatever you decide after seeking legal advice as suggested I hope you find peace of mind.💐

I think violent behaviour is different to this situation because violence is obvious. This insidious drip drip bad treatment is daily misery and I'd definitely want to get out.

If you did split the house, can you see yourself in a flat or small house just for you? Would making your own decisions feel like a relief?

I would talk to a solicitor to clarify the facts and to Womens Aid too.
They have a helpline and will be supportive.

You say he's controlling overbearing and not pleasant to live with - but you seem to think he owes you more than half because he also lied...
You may (both) end up with less than 50% but if you are happy does that matter?
Only you know.

Thinking of you.

Thanks everyone . I really appreciate your replies . It’s a particularly bad weekend - he will calm down eventually but I just want some peace at home . Instead of constant stand offs . He doesn’t talk to me for days after one of these sulks - and then blames me !! Still mulling things over - but thanks again

You sound very unhappy. If you left, even living in a small one bedroom flat - would the peace you obtained be better than the stress you have now? If so, then go to a solicitor and start things moving.

You have my sympathy and understanding of your dilemma cos my husband is very similar. The trouble is, whatever the law says you are entitled to, a vindictive spouse can delay things for a very long time, even take action to reduce his assets so that you get even less, or sometimes worse. I wonder if you can face staying with him and accepting that he won't change but make a life for yourself outside the home by joining clubs or societies.ou don't suggest

You don't suggest that he is violent which would be a different matter altogether.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/legal-system/finding-free-or-affordable-legal-help/ Hope this helps.

It's never too late for a fresh start.

See a solicitor as soon as possible. Don't put up with an unhappy marriage. I believe you should get half of evérything but a solicitor will advise on that.
Good luck.