Adult ADHD anyone?

Keepingquiet
Have you looked at any online sites.
Here’s one to give you an idea.

mindmetric.ai/adhd?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAqrxw_BhIhr5EKM_-WQ8Gb4qyI5Kk&gclid=CjwKCAjw_4S3BhAAEiwA_64YhlVwGNxGt80BhawckS7kFXhbxA0TcbgLzA8TiaD2k6n9sdGUuvAntxoCTT4QAvD_BwE

caffeine

keepingquiet

No offence taken- I'm feeling pretty fragile!

The waiting list for assessment is 12-18 months here, not so bad as some places, was my response.

It seems the GP is the way to go first off (not easy in itself getting an appointment) so I may go myself in the first instance, just to find out how the referral process works if my son wants a referral that is. There are on-line ones you can pay for so I'll ask the GP about that too (if I get an appointment).
Funnily enough my son is more open to paying for these things than seeing the GP (some history there) so if he can be seen soon that may be a way through.
The private ones are between £500 to £1500, depending on which you opt for.
Thanks for the positive and helpful responses.

Perhaps encourage him to exercise often, eat well/healthily, sleep, stay off screens past a certain time, plus B12, D3, magnesium, and C tablets. Drink lots of water and Cffiene in times not effecting sleep.

Assessment may lead to treatment though- it seems it can have an impact.
I have been trying with the good habits since he was about 10 years old. That's 30 years of failure or futility, as he is incapable of those organisational skills the rest of us take for granted.
He does make lists- lots of them! They make no sense to me but he tries.
I can't get over how frustrating this is but I will keep trying- who knows he may even get a GP appointment?

Assessment won't change any behaviors. Work on developing good habits now. Lists are helpful, I find.

It sounds as though your dear son's brain is firing in all sorts of directions which doesn't give him much relief to focus on tasks at hand or follow through. It is a painful way to live and everyone would rather be productive. A therapist who specializes in goal setting might be a good way for him to get back on his feet. It's not his fault his mind is acting this way but there are medicines that can help with focus. It sounds like his brain is just not working right.

No offence taken- I'm feeling pretty fragile!

The waiting list for assessment is 12-18 months here, not so bad as some places, was my response.

It seems the GP is the way to go first off (not easy in itself getting an appointment) so I may go myself in the first instance, just to find out how the referral process works if my son wants a referral that is. There are on-line ones you can pay for so I'll ask the GP about that too (if I get an appointment).
Funnily enough my son is more open to paying for these things than seeing the GP (some history there) so if he can be seen soon that may be a way through.
The private ones are between £500 to £1500, depending on which you opt for.
Thanks for the positive and helpful responses.

Sorry if I was insensitive - I didn't mean to be. I hope you reach a good conclusion very soon.

I don't want to say too much about his circumstances on here.
I do think it is ADHD and since realising that lots of things have fallen into place.
People paint a very bleak picture about getting access to help but I am going to try and find out as much as I can before talking to him. I don't know if he's already realised and doesn't want to tell me. He did have a difficult week last week so things may settle down.
I actually feel a lot better since the penny dropped. I now understand why he has always seemed different and struggled so much.
I don't want to 'keep an eye' on him. he lived independently for most of his life, but any parent would help in a crisis and that's all I'm doing.
I'm away next week on a break with friends. It will be fine.
Thanks for all your input, especially about the book by the Holderness couple- they have great youtube videos too! Whoever suggested looking them up- thank you!!

I’m not sure that you are describing ADHD, really. I think he probably needs to talk to someone quite urgently, as we can’t diagnose him on here.

I know it’s really difficult to get appointments these days though, and if he won’t go you are stuck.

Sorry - that’s not very constructive. Does he have to live with you? I can understand your wanting to keep an eye on him, but you need to look after yourself too.

He couldn't function without me that's for sure but no carers allowance for me as there is no diagnosis...

keepingquiet I understand what you mean when you say “unfortunately he doesn’t have a wife to organise his life” … we’ve all heard the expression “my other half” or “my better half” and all of us have strengths and weaknesses. I know many couples where one or the other is better at finances, organising etc. There’s no harm in you wishing for that for your son.

I wish you well in speaking to your son.

Come round mine, please.
I could just do with borrowing your brain for a while.

keepingquiet

crazyH-Yes, I get annoyed at labels too! I was very surprised with my DD mentioned it (it isn't the first time) but I can't put it down to laziness. He works very hard but can never hold down a job. My son is not highly qualified (he's a gardener) and struggled all the way through school. He doesn't have a wife to look after every aspect of his life- but I seem to have taken on that role!

Thankyou Greyisnotmycolour- he does live in chaos. Last week he lost his phone twice then had a car accident (unhurt thankfully) and although this isn't typical I am sick of him leaving his keys behind. In the past few weeks he does seem to be getting worse. Maybe there is something in what my daughter says after all? I wish I knew what to do.

He may have what my old mum called a BUSY mind. She said there was too many things going off in my head at the same time. But in later life it was a godsend as I could multitask so easily whereas other people could only manage one thing at a time. I can have ten things going on at once and manage them very easily. I call it being organised.

Yes, don't lose sight of the fact that you need to think about yourself and your own well-being too, keepingquiet.

It's rough on you, keepingquiet
I hope someone can give you advice on how to look after yourself in all this.

agnurse thank you very much for this- which is also what I have read up about. It is exhausting.
We haven't had a good day. It's almost impossible to have a conversation. Today I tried to point out when he switched from one response to another, totally opposite in a manner of seconds. When I tried to point it out his thinking became even more distorted, Usually at this point I switch off, but today I tried to engage and it was just nonsense talk.
He also mentioned earlier that he has no intention of every going to a doctor again (I hadn't even mentioned the ADHD thing! It was just a routine text every had from the surgery.)
So I give up. I've been here before and things settled down so maybe they will again.
I'm feeling very weepy though... I really have no idea what to do.

ADHD is very real and the effects can be very challenging. I find that the official diagnostic criteria don't really capture all of the difficulties and traits of people with ADHD. I have not got an official diagnosis of ADHD, but we very strongly suspect I have it. My stepdaughter brought it up to my husband because she recognized in me behaviours and traits she sees in friends of hers that have an official diagnosis. As I began to read more and to watch videos about the lived experience of people with ADHD, I recognized myself. It was actually very freeing and very healing. I had known since I was about six or seven years old that I was "different" from other children. Now that difference has a name and an explanation.

A few facts:

1. ADHD is characterized by a lack of dopamine in the brain. This is why people with ADHD seek out novelty and have difficulty with mundane tasks - it's about getting the dopamine hit.

2. ADHD is primarily a dysregulation issue. As one individual put it, most people have sort of a "dimmer" or "fade" switch for their brain functions (similar to a DJ control board or the dimmer switch on some lights where you can control the level of brightness). ADHDers don't have that. We have on/off switches - and that's it. We are either totally in or totally out. This is why we can get super into something and why we can have mood swings.

3. The official term ADHD is a bit of a misnomer because we don't always struggle with attention. If we're doing something we really enjoy, we can go into what's called "hyperfocus" mode where we become totally engrossed in our current activity. (Some days I forget to eat because I get caught up in something, for example.) Some people can experience severe rage if their hyperfocus is interrupted.

4. ADHD is highly heritable. If someone is diagnosed with ADHD, there's an 80% chance at least one of their parents has ADHD too. If someone with ADHD has a child, there's a 20% chance that the child will also have ADHD.

5. Some of the characteristics of people with ADHD that aren't necessarily included or obvious in the official criteria: poor working memory, creative thinking, good at solving puzzles, low frustration tolerance, mood swings, strong sense of justice, rejection sensitivity dysphoria (see below), and even being clumsy. They have identified that there are differences in the cerebellum (part of the brain that controls balance and coordination) in ADHDers compared to healthy controls.

6. Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD). This is almost universal in ADHDers. We are incredibly sensitive to any kind of rejection, even if it's perceived rejection. For example, if our boss says they want a meeting, our first thought is typically "I'm going to be fired". Or if our partner says we need to talk, our first thought is "I'm being dumped". Even something as simple as telling an ADHDer you have plans but they can come if they want can result in feelings of rejection.

7. Executive function is hard for us. This includes things such as planning and organizing, even tidying up. We can look at a complete mess and be overwhelmed with no idea where to start. This is where body doubling (offering to sit with us as we begin a task) can be helpful.

8. ADHD is an explanation, not an excuse. We can learn to do better in some areas and there are lots of ways to help us, things we can implement and things others can do.

10. There are three subtypes of ADHD, inattentive, hyperactive/impulsive, and combined. Women and girls are more likely to have inattentive, which means they are more likely to be diagnosed later in life or not diagnosed at all.

I would personally recommend the book ADHD Is Awesome by Penn and Kim Holderness. Penn has ADHD and Kim is neurotypical. In the book, they describe the benefits and drawbacks of ADHD, how ADHDers can help themselves, and how neurotypical people can support a loved one with ADHD.

I hope you can find some strategies to help, and a diagnosis, too. keepingquiet.
Good luck!

Thankyou all. I have done some reading up. I think the first thing is to discuss it with my son.
I shall try and find out how long the waiting list is in my area, and also the cost of a private diagnosis.
I just want to say he functions ok most of the time, but has inherited his father's inability to handle money. This, now he lives with me, is impacting on me and can't continue.
I am very heartened by some responses and feel a little calmer today.
We can work though it. It sounds a long road though in the current climate.
Thanks again.

Here is a self assessment questionnaire. Six minutes to take.

www.neuropsychologydorset.co.uk/esqr-adhd

Thanks, M0nica. I’m in transit just now but will check out your link this evening.

keepingquiet

Hithere I don't want to give the impression I am my son's doormat. I was taken aback by crazyH's response.
My son has led a complicated life I don't want to go into details but let's just say there are no plans for him to move out as he can't afford to. This is part of the profile that he has always struggled to function. He now works to support his daughter who lives with a very entitled mum (that's another story).
I try not to enable him, which is why I'm at the end of my tether as he's written off his car and won't be able to work. The situation is unsustainable. I'm looking for help for him and for myself.
Norah- thankyou. He may not need or want medication but a diagnosis may at least help.

As diagnosis at NHS may be a long wait, perhaps read up on ADD and ADHD. The H is hyperactivity and impulsiveness.

I lack the H trait - I'm introverted, quiet, don't interrupt, don't fidget, etc I suspect the H trait is difficult, however nobody should ever be told they are lazy, daft for losing items, etc - kindness is key.

Perhaps with useful strategies you could gently help your son.

And plenty of exercise and tea or coffee to quiet his mind.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/symptoms/

www.adhdcentre.co.uk/understanding-the-difference-between-add-and-adhd/

I have just being watching a snippet from a BBC programme on ADHD. It was showing scans of the brains of ADHD and how they responded differently to those without ADHD when doing a standard test.

Unfortunately when I went back to find it to post a link I couldn't, but I think I have found the programme it cam from and here is the link to that. www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b011c0nn. It is a R$ programme with Rory Bremner.

Since the diagnosis of sil I have read more around the subject and understand it can be genetic which it almost certainly is in his case, 2 of his siblings are probably autistic, but none have been tested. They are not aware of his diagnosis.
Out of interest my dh and I did a quick test online, so while unscientific, result was I dont have the trait but my dh does.