Adult ADHD anyone?

Doodledog

Yeah, that's right. I just want a label. I'm not sure why - maybe to excuse my laziness and doziness? Is that what you think? I never thought about claiming benefits, as despite being a dozy layabout I have worked since I was 16, but maybe I should reconsider 🙄

I don't want medication, but people who have more serious symptoms can benefit from drugs, and if it helps, then what's the difference between that and taking aspirin for a headache or insulin for diabetes? In any event, no self-awareness is wasted, and if all that it brings is the ability to ignore nasty comments from people with no understanding of the subject, then it's a win.

The medication side effects are typically horrid - that's why some people avoid the medications or only use the medications when needed, say during test taking for qualifications.

However, stimulants help.

The medication is a stimulant. There can be stimulants in diet if one chooses to go that route - I choose diet and lots of exercise.

I put everything away where it belongs as I use it. Keys in one drawer, dog leads on a shelf, dog walking shoes in a basket, exercise clothing on a hook - then the day has started well.

I'm not a planner - however, I do bookkeeping one set day a week. I hoover daily for dog hair or we'd live in a tip. I cook throughout the day, do laundry as needed, buy groceries when needed - no strict routine.

And, be of good cheer! Some truly talented, brilliant people have ADHD. He just needs to find ways, with help and advice, to cope, be happy and move forward.
Absolutely. It's not all bad. When people are focused they can knock doors out of windows as my granny used to say . It's no different from acknowledging that you are left handed, or tone deaf - you just adjust things a bit and accept that it's not your fault (and ignore the nay-sayers😀).

I've never needed any accommodation made for me. Any inconvenience (eg having to go the long way round to get to places as I can't work out a short cut) falls on me, which is fine. I'm not looking for sympathy or special treatment, and definitely not benefits! Most people don't know unless I tell them, and nor should they. The benefit of a 'label' is that it allows people to google and learn more about why they are as they are, so they can work around it.

My 42 Yr old daughter was diagnosed with high functioning autism a couple of years ago. It was a huge relief to her, as she now knows the reason that she is the way she is.
She is currently on the waiting list for an assessment for ADHD. When she applied she was told that the waiting list in our are was seven years for an adult diagnosis.
When she was a child I had to constantly remind her to check that she had everything in her bag for school, and I don't know how many parties and play dates that we missed because she forgot to give me the invitation.

MissAdventure

I'm not dismissing anyone's issues, and I don't understand anything much, but really aren't these things normal?

Or perhaps there are lots of undiagnosed people? (Lots never diagnosed, apparently)

I'd always imagined that it's just human diversity, but it seems not.

I'm interested to know what alerted people that they may be neuro diverse?

There are many not diagnosed people and there is human diversity, however I always knew I was different and that my parents and the nuns focused differently on me than my sisters or the other girls in my school room.

I'm the youngest daughter, my parents and sisters babied me - because there were no more babies. I got on quite well with reminders and being told what to do until lessons became harder at around age 10 or so.

Sister (nun in charge) instinctively understood I needed help paying attention. She oversaw the nuns therefore our lessons. Sister had studied Montessori methods - to which I respond well.

Autism is a spectrum so some people can be mildly affected but the more severely affected will be diagnosed at a very young age because they don’t reach the milestones eg some babies don’t point at things or unclench their fists at an early age. They may be fascinated by things that rotate and they may flap or walk on tiptoes. These youngsters can be greatly helped by early intervention as my GS was. The most severe cases are non verbal and obviously need more help. My DD has been told she is probably borderline autistic but what help would a late diagnosis be?

Labels? I recall feeling so angry, years ago, when Dyslexia became ‘fashionable’. Seriously? It was suggested in a newspaper article that it was just a better word for middle class parents to describe an offspring who was ‘thick’ !

Ignorant and appalling? I’d say so. But, unfortunately as soon as something like ADHD becomes written about, explained, discussed, and then various well-known people describe the problems which this has caused in their lives, cynicism can take over. ADHD? No, more like laziness, disinterest, irresponsibility, a good reason to opt out and let others do the hard work in life.

Such tripe and narrow-mindedness. When adults have ADHD, the Hyperactive part is usually missing: most adults will have long learned to mask that aspect and know that society doesn’t allow for climbing on the desk at meetings or racing around a cinema or classroom! But the lack of organisation, failure to start or complete tasks, coupled with dreadful procrastination, inability to remember the most important things, obsessive interests, recklessness, and holding down a job, talking over others’ conversations and finding life just impossible to ‘manage’ are just a few of the hurdles which can impair relationships with partners, families and friends.

I wonder if your Son would say he is often exhausted by the half dozen or more thoughts which just whirl in his head at the same time, making it so hard to focus. If he hears you, perhaps regarding the keys, he possibly isn’t receiving and processing what you say. It can all become white noise and that’s exhausting.

The best way forward would be a diagnosis, if he’s willing or even interested. As has been said, this can take a long time, will involve input from those closest to him and those who have known him and his foibles the longest. Waiting on referrals and the NHS will simply take far too long. Find a Psychiatrist or Psychologist who specialises in ADHD in your area - perhaps a look at Top Doctors (?) site for specialists. You don’t want him being treated simply for anxiety or depression and for years, as happened to a friend, it’s more complex than that. Read a lot and you’ll see how important partner and family input can be after a diagnosis…..your life and peace of mind is very important too.

And, be of good cheer! Some truly talented, brilliant people have ADHD. He just needs to find ways, with help and advice, to cope, be happy and move forward.

Adults can and are diagnosed with this sort of problem, not sure how useful it is. My sil 46, recently privately diagnosed as autistic. It explains some of the difficulties in the relationship, otherwise not much else has changed. It’s all very sad.

Doodle

I've always been told I'm clumsy from when I was a child but if I had been diagnosed with dyspraxia it could save a lot of exasperation from others.
One DGC is very clumsy too.

Yeah, that's right. I just want a label. I'm not sure why - maybe to excuse my laziness and doziness? Is that what you think? I never thought about claiming benefits, as despite being a dozy layabout I have worked since I was 16, but maybe I should reconsider 🙄

I don't want medication, but people who have more serious symptoms can benefit from drugs, and if it helps, then what's the difference between that and taking aspirin for a headache or insulin for diabetes? In any event, no self-awareness is wasted, and if all that it brings is the ability to ignore nasty comments from people with no understanding of the subject, then it's a win.

Sago

I worked in a school with autistic children, mainly boys.
The young people I worked with were 100% autistic.

We had many parents desperate to get an ADHD/Autism diagnosis on their children so they could get some benefits.

One boys “autism” totally encouraged by mum and dad meant he couldn’t lunch in the canteen because he hated crowds, yet he was a massive football fan and went to all home games.
He didn’t like the feel of his school uniform and hated shoes so came to school in a Man U shirt, joggers and trainers with a logo.
His parents ruined him, he was eventually assessed and was not autistic!
The parents continued their crusade.

It concerns me on MN how many parents refer to their neurodiverse children, I find it hard to believe there are so many, the same with ADHD.

That sounds rather like Munchausen by proxy.

and the benefits that go with labels

Its a modern fad. People have always been active or dozy types. They want labels these days

I worked in a school with autistic children, mainly boys.
The young people I worked with were 100% autistic.

We had many parents desperate to get an ADHD/Autism diagnosis on their children so they could get some benefits.

One boys “autism” totally encouraged by mum and dad meant he couldn’t lunch in the canteen because he hated crowds, yet he was a massive football fan and went to all home games.
He didn’t like the feel of his school uniform and hated shoes so came to school in a Man U shirt, joggers and trainers with a logo.
His parents ruined him, he was eventually assessed and was not autistic!
The parents continued their crusade.

It concerns me on MN how many parents refer to their neurodiverse children, I find it hard to believe there are so many, the same with ADHD.

Crazy H, believe me and others on GN , ADHD is not just a label . It is a condition that needs addressing, it causes immense distress to the person and their loved ones. I have a GS diognosed in childhood and now a young adult - he has tremendous difficulty in organizing his life and he hates it!! Also have a nephew in his 40s , not diognosed but family fairly sure he has ADHD. Please don't dismiss symptoms as someone who is lazy and needs to get their act together? If you or a loved one had a diognosis you would be more empathetic.

I've only experience of people with learning disabilities as well as a.d.d. and other issues, so I expect I have seen the more noticable effects.

I'm fascinated, though.

I can see why, if it impacts others, as keepingquiet says, a diagnosis is helpful. It must be difficult to live with, for everyone.

MissAdventure

I'm not dismissing anyone's issues, and I don't understand anything much, but really aren't these things normal?

Or perhaps there are lots of undiagnosed people? (Lots never diagnosed, apparently)

I'd always imagined that it's just human diversity, but it seems not.

I'm interested to know what alerted people that they may be neuro diverse?

Well, I thought I was fairly normal (please note I said fairly) apart from being extremely clumsy, until I read this thread.

Most of us have some traits but it is perhaps when they control us rather than we control them that problems arise.

crazyH No ADHD is not a label ADHD is a diagnosis. Would you describe cancer as a 'label? ADHD has been known about for over a century, and children and adults have been diagnosed with it throughout that time.

Unfortunately medecine, like everything else is prone to fashions. Most of us on GN over a certain age almost definitely had their tonsils out, in its time seen as the immediate response to the child who had a couple of attacks of tonsellitis.. Now doctors just refuse t take tonsils out no matter how often a child has tonsellitis At one point most little boys were circumcised. Currently mental health is beginning to get the attention it deserves, and while neural diversity is not a mental health problem, it is currently the fashionable problem to have

Once you have a diagnosis you can start to deal with the problem. yes, of course some people will just lie around, look pathetic and use the diagnosis it as an excuse to do nothing and justify turning themselves into victims. But most of us know someone with a quite minor physical illnesses who use it as an excuse for never doing anything they do not want to do.

Most people with an ADHD diagnosis see it as an enablement that helps them deal with their problems because they understand why they are as they are and can develop strategies to cope with them.

Clumsiness can be dyspraxia, as I said DS and I were diagnosed with that 40 years, but the problems it causes are much more complex than just clumsiness. It affects capacity to learn skills requiring coordination. For me, learning to drive and passing my test was a long haul.

I also have problems now with using a smart phone, nothing to do with being old and not understanding technology, but when your fingers only approximately touch the tiny icon they are meant to touch, when your mind says a sequence of numbers and your fingers reorder them, to name but a few. ADHD is the same, it is so much more than just lack of concentration and absence mindedness.

MissAdventure

I'm not dismissing anyone's issues, and I don't understand anything much, but really aren't these things normal?

Or perhaps there are lots of undiagnosed people? (Lots never diagnosed, apparently)

I'd always imagined that it's just human diversity, but it seems not.

I'm interested to know what alerted people that they may be neuro diverse?

To an extent it is human diversity - everyone is different .

As I said, I haven't got (and probably won't get) a diagnosis, but knowing there is a reason is really helpful. I was always told I was lazy, disorganised and useless. I knew this was unfair, but I was always losing things and would get 'frozen' and unable to make progress. To the naked eye it would look like laziness, but for a lot of the time I was working full-time, running a house and studying, which a lazy person wouldn't.

Now I have strategies, such as the morning appointments thing, and can be a lot easier on myself. I know that if I get stressed I'm much worse (getting distracted, forgetting things and so on) so I try to prepare ahead of time. Things still go wrong, but instead of beating myself up I can tell myself it's the ADD.

keepingquiet, one of my sons In law was diagnosed at the age of 36. He was diagnosed adhd and prescribed medications. He stopped taking them because of side effects.
The diagnosis helped as these things often do. Self management along with simple things like a week planner on the kitchen wall sets out which days he’s doing the school run for eg. A very small thing in ‘ordinary’ life

Three generations in our family; me, my son and grandson.

We have known since long before it beame fashionable to be neurally diverse, as it is at the moment, that this was a family problem. DS and I were both diagnosed with dyspraxia nearly 40 years ago and the realisation that we had ADHD, ADD in son's case, followed a few years later. Now he and DGS are waiting formal diagnosis.

keepingquiet How I recognise the inability to remember car keys. DS's wife stands at the door each morning and says to DS Keys? wallet? phone? ' and he goes back to get what he has forgotten.

However, I agree with getting advice and help. The first port of call is the GP who can refer him for diagnosis. Unfortunately in many places the list is so long he is unlikely to be seen this century. You can get a private diagnosis, but this will cost about £1,000 (the going rate in my neck of the woods).

In the meanwhile both of you read up about it. Understanding the problem is an immense help. Look at websites and forums.

Even without being on medication, he could do a lot to help himself. Self-management from understanding the problem can take him a long way. But first see a doctor and get a referral.

This so resonates! Already I’m delighted to learn the tactical advice of morning appointments although somehow I knew I didn’t like afternoon ones. My DD told me that she has it to a degree and most definitely it is from me. I know without official diagnosis this is the case. So much of my life now slots into place from childhood to now.
I’d suggest trying to assist with the problem areas if possible. If of course he is happy to acknowledge that this is what is the problem.

MissAdventure- are these things normal? Yes to a certain extent, but no to others. This is the reason many don't seek help. They live with it. Now I have to live with it and it is impacting on me- this is why I also have to seek help. It is quite a serious business regarding his inability to support himself and making bad financial decisions. He just isn't coping with life right now. His father also had a breakdown at this age and I had to deal with that too.
Mollygo- it is ruining his life and now impacting on mine. He is really struggling and no one is helping. I will try to have a conversation with him today. Thankyou.

Looking at the things mentioned in here I could well have ADD, but I’ve coped with the issues and developed strategies that work -to a certain extent.
I do not want to take more medications, so I’m reluctant to think about getting a label.
If you think it might help your son I’d go for it. It won’t happen soon though.

I'm not dismissing anyone's issues, and I don't understand anything much, but really aren't these things normal?

Or perhaps there are lots of undiagnosed people? (Lots never diagnosed, apparently)

I'd always imagined that it's just human diversity, but it seems not.

I'm interested to know what alerted people that they may be neuro diverse?