My partner can't stand my daughter

The D was already an adult by then, technically speaking.

Apron strings some to mind.

I'm buggering off now before I get sacked 🙃

I don't know, I'm just glad I don't have to navigate any of this stuff!
My ex would sometimes try to stir up a "discussion" about our respective children, and I would never play ball.

There are no winners in that game.

His girls were a credit to him and his ex, and that is all I would say on the subject.

Good for you, Mad. That's all that should be said, or its equivalent. Maturity and all that.

I used to go in the bedroom and punch a pillow instead.

No, not really.

PS I did the ironing - warming (it's cold here today) and calming. It only gets done once in a blue moon.

You are in Scotland, aren't you?
Glorious, even in the cold, the rain, and anything in between.

😊 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

I love that people in Scotland recognise its beauty.
I was always being shown photos that people had taken on their way to the shop, or going to work.

Because I didn’t know this is how she really felt. On th wedding dsy she was all love you she even asked my daughter to send her to e speech as she had loved it so for me it’s a shock to know the deep resentment that is still there 10 years on. Can I stres once again - I have asked ny wife what particular thing upset you what did she say or do. She can’t name one thing - just a feeling that she didn’t approve. This is 13 years ago! My D has never said one word to me either. She got on with and tried to over come here feelings and she did it and for the past 7years has done nothing but be lovely and inclusive.

What a ridiculous thing to say. Sorry I want to be part of my daughters and grandchildren’s life. Because of work I can’t live in Uk so yes I make the effort because my own mother lived not far from me when I had little ones and I know how invaluable that was. Why do people like you feel the need to say unhelpful things? Or in what way is this helpful? Long may it continue that my daughter wants me involved in her life.

The short and long of it, is can you get over this?
Words have been said. She hasn't beaten your daughter up; they are just words.

Or, so you feel it makes your marriage a sham, because she has felt this way all along?

Thank you yes we do need to have an open conversation

Because her accommodation finished a night earlier than her flight - but how lovely for me to have my daughter and two grand babies under my roof - amazed anyone would question this.

There has been no huge turn around! It was never horrible and now overly nice! It’s been seemingly ok. My daughter got married at our house a few years ago it’s all been ok for a long time. This is why I am so upset and shocked to be still harbering a grudge from 13 yeare ago!

I think that in times of stress (weddings or other family upheavals, for example) people sometimes say sharp things – from relics of worry or angst – that they don't literally mean. I think they are sometimes just letting a small thing that has lain low but which hurt them at the time long ago burst out. It is down to stress.

I think you could accept the apology that you mentioned in your OP.

You asked for thoughts. People have given you their thoughts.

is there any financial advantage for your wife, in being married to you. ?

Yes very helpful ones apart from yours - cut the apron strings really. She’s a frikin scientist there are no apron strings just a loving mother who wants to be supportive of a daughter with a young family and career. It’s not unheard of where I come from.

Yes

oh dear.

maybe you need to take a long hard look at your marriage and get some counselling.. you clearly recognise that this is not appropriate behaviour from a mature partner.

FGMA

There has been no huge turn around! It was never horrible and now overly nice! It’s been seemingly ok. My daughter got married at our house a few years ago it’s all been ok for a long time. This is why I am so upset and shocked to be still harbering a grudge from 13 yeare ago!

I do think you and your wife need a open and honest discussion; being honest and truly "hearing" each other. Then you need to agree a way forward for you all as a family. Probably with compromises for both of you. Would a few Relate sessions help maybe; an objective 3rd party can be helpful. 💐

Do you think your wife could be lashing out because she's comparing your high achieving daughter with her own who is struggling with her education at the moment. Maybe she can't help resenting "the golden girl" a bit at the moment.