Should I ask my partner to leave?

So to sum up

He went on a dating website clearly to meet some other woman.
He has debt
He reluctantly does jobs for you
He doesn't share the full cost of running the house

PUT YOURSELF FIRST

GET RID ASAP

Get rid.

I'm 75 now. Different circumstances, but I wish I got divorced at 65. Before that I wish I got divorced at 55. It always seemed too late and I stayed with him.

Do you need to ask? I would be surprised when you tell him to go he doesn't try to get a share of the house etc. its hardly as if he js solvent or has anywhere to go.

Oh .. so glad to read your post, not for your dilemma, I wish you well in coming to a decision but because I could have written this .. I took the leap and regained my “space” and all that goes with it .. was I scared? Yes .. was it the best decision? YES…

Like you (I think) in my mind I already knew what I needed

Good luck

wibbleswock

Thanks for your response. As he’s receiving a pension and has no assets he is entitled to housing benefit and as a pension will get a level of priority. Part of my work involves benefits and on top of housing he’s get get council tax paid and possibly pension credit, he’d be fine. He has no entitlement to anything of mine, or a settlement, as his name is on nothing and he can not evidence he has undertaken work at property.

You are correct, I worked with benefits at one time and going on the information you have provided he will have no claim. He pays for groceries he eats too, he gave you wfa he benefits from the utility.
Doing a bit of DIY would not entitle him to anything from the house, that us in your name. Get rid, life is too short to stay with this misery.

He might only be entitled to be housed by the council if he is homeless, please check: Ditto check with a solicitor as to any rights he has on the house, please. From experience.

I’m not sure if I love him, I do know he pisses me off. So ladies, what to do?

It is pretty obvious you do not love him. He was useful for sex, companionship and DIY; you invited him in. Now all three are unsatisfactory so time to part.
If this were a woman being discarded after 10 years of sex, companionship and housework with no claim on her partner's money I think the response, although probably not the outcome, would be rather different.

Yes I totally agree! He may have some rights if he can prove contribution to house.

Hi there
I think you are amazing to have put up with him until now!
No way in a million years would I stay with him. He won't change, in fact he will probably get worst. You deserve peace and happiness. Your Grandchildren will soon get used to not seeing him and as they get older they will go off and do their own things.

Make sure your own Children are not encouraging you to stay with him as it may make their lives easier ie. guilt of you being lonely etc.

You sound like a very independent strong lady and definitely do not need someone like that in your life. Good luck whatever you do.

Time to close the door and change the locks Wibbleswock. I couldn’t stay with anyone who has been looking at other women on the internet, and who knows what else he’s been up to. He’d be out on his ear, belongings and all, straightaway. You’re worth so much more than that.
I hope you come to a decision soon. Why prolong the inevitable.
Do come back and let us know how things work out. 💐

Thanks for your response. As he’s receiving a pension and has no assets he is entitled to housing benefit and as a pension will get a level of priority. Part of my work involves benefits and on top of housing he’s get get council tax paid and possibly pension credit, he’d be fine. He has no entitlement to anything of mine, or a settlement, as his name is on nothing and he can not evidence he has undertaken work at property.

As Grunty says I think you should see a solicitor asa possible with all your papers.
He will be made homeless and there is protection for him at your expense.

He's become a freeloader.. and in many ways it isn't surprising given his inability to manage his own money, assets and work.. His self esteem is probably rock bottom.. I would. if you are able to., try to help him find a flat somewhere and make sure he takes all his tools and possessions in one go.. don't give him any excuse to come back..
You might have to see a solicitor if he can prove that he has contributed to the running and maintenance of your home.. and don't be surprised if he suddenly reverts to being the nice, helpful fun guy you first knew.. be very firm and boundaried... life will get better once you make the break..

I hope you have copies of the dating websites info ... that shows a plan on his part to cheat on you. And as others have said, he will have some entitlement due to the 10 years together - unless you draw up an agreement that he has no entitlement - (Cohabitation or Living Together agreement). See a solicitor, get the details for Citizens Advice, etc.

Please don't feel you have to keep this man in your life for the sake of grandchildren and hurt feelings. Your life and your life enjoyment is worth so much more. Think of the trips you can take (so many Solo holiday companies)! I've recently joined a local WI and finding enjoyment from the company of other women - lunch clubs, supper clubs, days out, etc. Meet Up groups.

Don't keep him because it's less aggravation than being rid - in the long term I bet you'll find peace. Lazy and bad tempered - have him gone!!!

Yes. However - ducks in a row, call a solicitor first.

I think men need women more than the other way round. Many women feel a sense of relief when they are living alone, and free to do as they please.
You know what is right for you!

By the way wibbleswock, don't blame yourself for being "rubbish in a couple" .... it depends on who you're coupled with!

Life is good for him, not so much for you.
Get rid, you are still young and could have a very enjoyable future.
Thank goodness you didn't marry him.
Kick him out.

Read through your own post and pretend it's written by a complete stranger.

What would you advise them to do?

In the words of Gloria Gaynor:

"Go on, go, walk out the door
Turn around now
You're not welcome anymore"

This bloke is a player and the OP is better off without him.

I hope the ankle injury heals quickly.

Ask yourself the question 'So what is going to happen if and when one of you gets ill and old age really bites?' Who is going to do the caring etc? Believe me, it is tough towards the end. Been there, got the T shirt and still recovering.

I've just Googled "Legal Rights of Unmarried Couples Separating After Living Together rafichagran and I'm afraid that, unless the couple entered into an agreement about their assets, prior to living together, he very well could make a claim. Legal advice is most definitely needed.

You deserve better. You already know what it is that you must do. Seek legal advice. Be strong. Be determined. Take back control. Every good wish for a totally satisfactory outcome.

You know what you have to do .

If you decide to participate, I dought he would get 50/50 of the house you paid for.
He pays no rent, but pays for groceries and does DIY grudgingly.