Marriage problems

I have two small lights I attach to the headboard which I put on in the night when I go to the loo. This one is only £7.95. Don’t let your husband bully you. If he wants to take the dog out and you want to stay home then do so.

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Thank you for your support. I know in my own mind that I am being fair but because of his behaviour I was questioning myself. You have given me the strength to stand up to this.Its going to be very uncomfortable but I can't put it with it any longer

Great minds MissA! (Or is it ‘fools seldom differ’ 😁)

“Sheep are meant to be sheared” Don’t be one Shimmer.
Best of luck.

Treat (!) him to a black out eye mask for sleeping in . Then remind him marriage is about mutual respect and consideration

Thinking of you . Wanting a dark bedroom seems to be a sudden change in his behaviour. Makes me wonder - if my suspicions are correct? Make notes of any other similar situations, is he being deliberately difficult or is this the early onset of dementia !? Keep a record of any more irrational behaviours , you can then speak to your GP, although not sure what he/she can do without his permission -unless you have a health and welfare POA.

FriedGreenTomatoes2

Great minds MissA! (Or is it ‘fools seldom differ’ 😁)

Ha!
I've never heard the second part of that saying before.

If it is a change being irritated by the light then maybe he does have some sort of eye problem. I hate bright lights especially at night since I had my cataracts done.
However, it isn't safe walking when half asleep in the dark, and also inconsiderate of him. Do you have soft low-luminosity light bulbs? Maybe motion activated light lights are the way to go as some have suggested.
I am sure you can work something out between you after over 40 years of marriage!

As to the dog thing I don't own one so can't make any helpful suggestions here. Like others have said I would stay in.

Reading between the lines it sounds like you are becoming more frustrated with your husband's attitude and maybe you haven't been assertive enough in the past. It doesn't have to lead to falling out though, just tell him what you're going to do, and do it! He seems to know how that works.

Do not question yourself , I have been there, done that ! If he does have dementia I am afraid there will be times when nothing you say or do will have the slightest impact on him.
That is very hard to deal with. I have learnt to switch off / walk off/ drive off!! Just to get away from the situation,on my return my DH is sweetness and light again - till the next time ! Good luck.

Dusting/cooking/ironing🤣🤣 I don’t think so!

Firstly, get yourself a small torch and keep it by your bed - when you need the loo in the night simply use that to find your way.

As for walking the dog - can't you take hold of the dog lead? - it wouldn't matter how much your OH extends or retracts it as you would have full control.

As for you OH's general attitude - he sound like a complete s**t to me.

RosiesMaw2

Treat (!) him to a black out eye mask for sleeping in . Then remind him marriage is about mutual respect and consideration

I read that as "treat (!) him to a black eye"

(I actually think that would be my solution.....)

When he takes the dog out why don't you see a friend or go for a coffee? If you sleep on the side of the bed most accessible to the bathroom I would switch on your bedside light.. your safety is paramount here and he's very short sighted if he doesn't understand the implications of you having a serious fall..

As others have said, if this behaviour is very recent, I would look at the bigger picture and wonder if it is early stage Alzheimers. My OH has just had a diagnosis after 18 months or so of tests, following memory problems and behaviour changes.
Does he not need the bathroom at night too? Most men of a certain age do! Don't put yourself at risk of a fall in the dark, but as previously suggested, use a torch or go back to using a nightlight if you previously had one. Wishing you all the best and a positive outcome.

Torch, as people have suggested.
I myself have a bit of vertigo sort thing.
And like it dark. Needs to be dark to sleep.
Sorry I may be with your husband on that one, unless he is doing it out of spite.

I dont know anything about dog leads. Sorry.
He does sound like he is being unreasonable on that one.

I suspect you have more "problems" with him that just those 2.

I know of two people who each broke a limb when getting up in the night without lights on
I managed it in the daylight

As others have said, simply have a torch by the bed.
I'd rather do that than sleep with a light on.

Aldis are selling woolley hats with built in lights.
You could keep it by the bed and put on when going to loo.
Keeps hands free for extra stability.
Are you scared of him.
Why not just put on bedside lamp
Combined with low light plug in on landing.
Or motion activated light.

Rosiesmaw read that as treat him to a black eye, which is something I would feel like doing

You both sound rather inflexible. There are simple solutions to both of these problems, but it sounds as though you are both inclined to irritate each other rather than compromise. I’m wondering if something has changed in your lives recently, meaning you’re spending more time with each other than usual.

Calipso

RosiesMaw2

Treat (!) him to a black out eye mask for sleeping in . Then remind him marriage is about mutual respect and consideration

I read that as "treat (!) him to a black eye"

(I actually think that would be my solution.....)

Me too 😁

MissAdventure

Is this attitude recent, or has he always ruled the roost?

Either way, I wouldn't go out with him if the dog is going, and I would insist on some kind of light when I needed to get up.

Buy a bright torch, if necessary.

Since he seems to get some sort of perverse enjoyment out of your discomfort, ensure you spoil it for him.

Absolutely! Night lights or torch and I’d just not go out with him and the dog!

Has he always been so inconsiderate ?
Is this relatively new behaviour ?
What else does he do ?
Your safety is important :
Either sleep in another bedroom or have a torch or nightlight handy .
If he's intent in tripping you up on dog walks - then let him go alone .

One of my friends has sold her house for a retirement one .
It's bigger than the one that she has now .
It's also miles away from the village and shops .
She has trouble cleaning her old house , doesn't drive and is nervous of public transport so can't use it .
I bet that her husband chose it so that he can play golf and with his boats !
Have things really changed for women ?
Are we still living in the Victorian age ?
I wish you lots of luck with this .

Install a bedside lamp and switch it on when you need to move in the dark. Torches are not so good; I tried it while sleeping with a child; she continued to sleep; I tripped over my shoes.
Your husband is a bully and you have to confront him.
I know some one who fell downstairs last year feeling her way to the loo in the dark , and broke both arms; her husband refused to have the light on when he was asleep.

Show him all the answers here! He sounds like a real horror, how have you put up with him for so long?? 🧐