Marriage problems

Please give me your opinion

Move into another bedroom where you can have a nightlight and don’t go on dog walks with him.

We don't have a spare bedroom and he insists we take the dog everywhere so it is a constant problem

Move into another bedroom, don’t go with him when he walks the dog.

Has he always been a thoughtless bully or new behaviour? If it’s new he might be in the early stages of dementia??

If he doesn’t see sense, leave him if you can afford it. If not live your life and let him get on with his.

Ah, you only have the one bedroom. Why does he get his own all the time??

Let him walk the dog on its own cant you walk the dog alone sometimes, or do something else while he takes it out. Do you always have to go together ?
Have a torch on your side of the bed you don’t have to shine it where he can see just shine it on the floor so you can see where you’re going when you get out of the bed I don’t put a light on when I go to the loo in the night as long as there’s nothing left on the floor

Well I’m not a fan of extendable leads anyway as they’re a trip hazard imo. Could you suggest an ordinary lead ?
As for the dark bedroom , I like my bedroom pitch black but there’s no trip hazards on my bathroom route . Could you explain you’re a bit unsteady and need some light or take a torch to bed .
I feel there must be more to your situation with your husband . Has he always been like this ,ignoring your feelings ?. Or is it a new behaviour. ?

Has your husband only recently started being like that? Has he recently retired and you're both getting irritable with each other now that you're at home together all the time?

Take a torch or your mobile to bed so that you can use it to see your way to the bathroom. Let him take the dog alone, or walk apart from him and the dog.

He won't use an ordinary lead.
He's just so stubborn.
He makes me feel as though I'm in the wrong for confronting him.

My advice is to put your foot down and to insist on having a light on, when you go to the loo. I couldn't tolerate such a selfish attitude from my DH. (I know of two people who each broke a limb when getting up in the night without lights on.) Has your DH tried using a sleep-mask? I have these and I use them frequently, especially in the summer (avoiding the early morning light!) and when we go away. They are brilliant and I can't see any light through them. As for the dog, then perhaps don't accompany your DH when he takes the dog out. (Here he demonstates another selfish attitude: what about if the lead trips up a passer-by?)

We were married for over 50 years, mostly very happily until he died 4 years ago.
I would not have indulged him like you seem to do. Marriage is a loving partnership. You have to compromise sometimes but when you are in physical danger, as you seem to be, I would not put up with it.
Either the dog has a short lead or you don't go walking with him and if you have to get up and go to the loo in pitch darkness, that's a bit mean. Doesn't he ever need the loo in the night?

Your DH sounds inconsiderate and rather bullish, does he generally get his own way about things??
I would get a nightlight and plug it in at night and if he really can’t sleep if there is any light open the bedroom door and plug the light in in the corridor/landing, this should produce enough light to see your way to the loo. As for his attitude you need to be honest and explain how you have been feeling, just say it to him as you have to us. We have been married 45 years and sometimes we get a bit lazy with our OHs, can’t be bothered to make the effort, then it is time to give someone a nudge, so start nudging.
All the best 🤞

My husband likes a very dark bedroom, fortunately we have a spare room so I am now in there. I need to see where I am going during night loo visits . My husband was diognosed with Alzheimer's last March and has become a bit irrational, it is no use arguing because he is unable to see my point of view. An argument is exhausting and fruitless so I am now in self preservation mode ! I have to make my welfare a priority if I am to do my best for him. This is a complete change of circumstances which I am learning to navigate - very sad after 50 years of marriage!! It is possible that your husband may have dementia - if he is incapable of seeing your dilemma! As for the dog , it may be best not to accompany your
DH on dog walks. You must take care of yourself. Good luck.

Communication is key. Sit down at an opportune time and talk about your concerns for keeping yourself safe. If he shrugs and tells you ‘tough’ tell him he’s a selfish bastard and you won’t be putting up with his nonsense any more. That should move the conversation along nicely. You can take it from there. Better out than in your head, worrying about it all.

Good luck. He might even see sense.

Why should you have to be the one who gives in? As one who is unsteady on her pins, I get exasperated with people who are inconsiderate towards me and state my case quite clearly. You sound a nice lady, stand up for your half of the deal, don't feel any guilt. You have as much right as he or anyone else has to stake your claim to your share of fairness.

Not having a second bedroom does make this difficult for you. A plug in light that is activated by movement would be an ideal solution, do what is necessary to keep yourself safe.

Thank you for your reply I've told him he's a bully before and he laughs at me.
I've just told him what you said and he's stormed off

Exactly I totally agree

When he comes back ask him “why are you being like this?”.
You may have to have this conversation in fits and starts! Don’t give up as this is important to you.

Is this attitude recent, or has he always ruled the roost?

Either way, I wouldn't go out with him if the dog is going, and I would insist on some kind of light when I needed to get up.

Buy a bright torch, if necessary.

Since he seems to get some sort of perverse enjoyment out of your discomfort, ensure you spoil it for him.

If you have vertigo you should always have a light on to allow walking safely to the bathroom. When balance is poor the eyes take over, if it’s dark they can’t do that, so falling is inevitable.
I have the same problem so understand how you must feel.
Get a plug in light, take a torch or phone to bed to use.
I am sorry, your husband sounds very unreasonable and uncaring.

get a plug in light with a sensor - it only comes on when you move

offer to walk the dog?

or stop going out with him whilst he walks the dog and you do the dusting/cooking or ironing

While you lounge in the sofa, relaxing, more like!

Or enjoying a glass of wine. Might as well really p*ss him off if he won’t get a shorter dog lead.