Marriage problems

It was me that mentioned lights at night for those with vertigo and it was explained by a consultant ENT surgeon.

You might ask your husband to stand on one leg. Eyes open.
Then ask him to close his eyes…and count to 10 ....I bet he won’t be able to keep his balance.

I mentioned the issue that a previous lady had said regarding vertigo sufferers needing to see to help the dizziness. It didn't really go down sympathetically.

Well, it should have done.

Two of my ideas to that would be,
a. say to him that if you wobbled him about, and turned off the lights, he wouldnt fare well either, and
b. google about it, and send him the links.

The curtains were left mostly open last night. Think this is a protest. We went out for a walk and a drink, dog in tow. We've had a terrible few days so I thought I'd tackle the lead issue for another day and try to enjoy the day.I mentioned the issue that a previous lady had said regarding vertigo sufferers needing to see to help the dizziness. It didn't really go down sympathetically. Regards to the question do I have children? Yes I have a daughter, I try not to burden her with anything and she's heavily pregnant at the minute so don't really want to upset her.

We sleep in separate rooms now. Neither of us sleep well and I get up at least twice during the night and he snores. I like a very dark room and really should use my phone light when I get up as I feel my way around the bed and dressing table. DH on the other hand has a usb hub which emits a bright blue light which shines a pattern on the ceiling with the lights off which he simply doesn’t notice. It would drive me to the point of insanity.

The dog situation is quite unacceptable for you to put up with and potentially dangerous. Do take care.

Sorry, I hadn't realised there'd only one bedroom. Rather than messing around with a torch, I'd put the light on and see how he likes that.

I have always found with my DH that I only broach problems I have when we are both sitting down in a pleasant atmosphere eg over a nice meal. If I stay reasonable he usually does and although he doesn't often say he will he does change his behaviour over time.

We have a ring doorbell with a booster plugged into the hall upstairs. It shines a low blue light which shows me the way to the bathroom. Or as others have said maybe a torch.
Can you take it in turns to take the dog out?

What is your opinion on this behaviour

He's putting you in danger, he's being selfish and unreasonable.
Is he trying (hoping?) to cause you injury?

Don't let him bully you, put your bedside lamp on when you get up for the toilet.
You could try a lower wattage bulb if you think it might help, but you still need to be able to see safely.

You say he insists on taking the dog everywhere, so it sounds as though the extendable-lead trip hazard isn't just on a routine dog walk.
Is this in town as well? That's not acceptable. Do you have to go everywhere together?

Shimmer , do you have children, you could talk to ? And would your dh listen to them ? .
Your dh is a bully and you need to stand up to him. Not easy after all these years . Refuse to walk the dog with him with this lead . As a dog owner I hate them . You have much more control with a shorter lead . And get a small torch for wee visits .

Myself and husband retired early I’m 10 years younger. I hoped that once I gave up work to we’d spend more time together but it’s the opposite. I must admit since not working I’ve become more introverted whereas he’s wanting to form more friendships. Whilst I’m happy for us both to have separate friends and hobbies within reason him having so many is leaving little time for us as a couple. My husband has always had way more energy than me and it’s been suggested that he maybe has ADHD that and the fact he leaves all the household duties to me whilst I also support elderly parents. I just never envisaged these kinds of issues at this stage of life that a married man in he’s 60s would still be craving so many friendships! It’s exhausting and lonely especially as I don’t have children husband does and I’m feeling sad that I’m not enough even though when we’re together we’re happy any advice would be gratefully received.

Smileless2012

As others have suggested, sleep in another room and if he wont do as you request when walking the dog, don't go with him.

If you’d read the thread, there is only one bedroom.

They haven’t got another bedroom if you read the other posts Smileless but a torch is surely the answer
daddima I agree I think there must be more to it as it sounds as if both sides are very set in their ways with no movement

Daddima

Poppyred

Daddima

Shimmer

Thank you for your reply I've told him he's a bully before and he laughs at me.
I've just told him what you said and he's stormed off

I must say, I think more than a few men would ‘storm off’ after being told that their wife had been complaining about his behaviour on an open forum, whose members had decided he was either a bully or had dementia!

Wow Daddima you think his behaviour is acceptable??

It doesn’t matter what I, or we, think of his behaviour. I think that there must be more issues than a dark room ( get a torch) and a long lead ( don’t go dog walking) to be a threat to a forty year marriage, and posting it on a public forum then showing him strangers’ opinions isn’t, to my mind, the way to find a solution.

No, you’re right * Daddima* it’s desperate isn’t it. Leave the b**** if you can!

As others have suggested, sleep in another room and if he wont do as you request when walking the dog, don't go with him.

Poppyred

Daddima

Shimmer

Thank you for your reply I've told him he's a bully before and he laughs at me.
I've just told him what you said and he's stormed off

I must say, I think more than a few men would ‘storm off’ after being told that their wife had been complaining about his behaviour on an open forum, whose members had decided he was either a bully or had dementia!

Wow Daddima you think his behaviour is acceptable??

It doesn’t matter what I, or we, think of his behaviour. I think that there must be more issues than a dark room ( get a torch) and a long lead ( don’t go dog walking) to be a threat to a forty year marriage, and posting it on a public forum then showing him strangers’ opinions isn’t, to my mind, the way to find a solution.

Actually, perhaps I shouldnt have written that.
I dont want to make their problems any worse.

I am wondering if we will have DH on here, telling his point of view!

Daddima

Shimmer

Thank you for your reply I've told him he's a bully before and he laughs at me.
I've just told him what you said and he's stormed off

I must say, I think more than a few men would ‘storm off’ after being told that their wife had been complaining about his behaviour on an open forum, whose members had decided he was either a bully or had dementia!

Wow Daddima you think his behaviour is acceptable??

Shimmer

Thank you for your reply I've told him he's a bully before and he laughs at me.
I've just told him what you said and he's stormed off

I must say, I think more than a few men would ‘storm off’ after being told that their wife had been complaining about his behaviour on an open forum, whose members had decided he was either a bully or had dementia!

Usedtobeblonde

Move into another bedroom where you can have a nightlight and don’t go on dog walks with him.

Seconded.

I'd be weighing up the "pros and cons" a bit all round on his behaviour - 1. What ways does he look out for you? 2. What ways does he demonstrate a lack of caring for your welfare?

Such awful behaviour from your 'partner' 'husband'. Why do husbands/partners behave like this, become dictators and and demand that you follow their orders. Awful.

I would not tolerate this, I don't issue similar demands.
I don't mind a dark bedroom, but if I need a light on to visit the loo, I put it on.
I would not walk the dog with him, I would stay at home, or go shopping/window shopping, or some other activity.

Show him all the answers here! He sounds like a real horror, how have you put up with him for so long?? 🧐

Install a bedside lamp and switch it on when you need to move in the dark. Torches are not so good; I tried it while sleeping with a child; she continued to sleep; I tripped over my shoes.
Your husband is a bully and you have to confront him.
I know some one who fell downstairs last year feeling her way to the loo in the dark , and broke both arms; her husband refused to have the light on when he was asleep.

Has he always been so inconsiderate ?
Is this relatively new behaviour ?
What else does he do ?
Your safety is important :
Either sleep in another bedroom or have a torch or nightlight handy .
If he's intent in tripping you up on dog walks - then let him go alone .

One of my friends has sold her house for a retirement one .
It's bigger than the one that she has now .
It's also miles away from the village and shops .
She has trouble cleaning her old house , doesn't drive and is nervous of public transport so can't use it .
I bet that her husband chose it so that he can play golf and with his boats !
Have things really changed for women ?
Are we still living in the Victorian age ?
I wish you lots of luck with this .

MissAdventure

Is this attitude recent, or has he always ruled the roost?

Either way, I wouldn't go out with him if the dog is going, and I would insist on some kind of light when I needed to get up.

Buy a bright torch, if necessary.

Since he seems to get some sort of perverse enjoyment out of your discomfort, ensure you spoil it for him.

Absolutely! Night lights or torch and I’d just not go out with him and the dog!

Calipso

RosiesMaw2

Treat (!) him to a black out eye mask for sleeping in . Then remind him marriage is about mutual respect and consideration

I read that as "treat (!) him to a black eye"

(I actually think that would be my solution.....)

Me too 😁