Sharing and over sharing

I agree they are so boastfully awful it makes you want to find spelling mistakes! I’m not surprised that the sender was a man- sometimes (not always) men don’t have the same degree of sensitivity or empathy as a woman inherently has. Do nothing- unless the child comes to you for help and advice and even then be a listener and confidential. My opinion .

crazyH

I dislike those Round Robin letters. I get one every year from the mother of my son’s ex girlfriend. She encloses it in her Xmas card - any day now 😫 My children would hate it if I started giving all and sundry, details of their lives.
Don’t say anything. The respective family members can have a word with her, if they are not happy.

I hate them too. My cousin’s wife, who lives far away so I never visit them, is guilty of this. The letters wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t so boastful! For donkeys’ years, I have been brought up to date with school excellence, Brownie badges, expensive weddings etc. She also lists everything she has bought for her house and garden throughout the year! This year, she told me she had removed all her grass and laid a ‘very expensive, you would never know the difference’ artificial one! I never know whether to laugh or cry!
She must think I lead a very frugal and boring life as I haven’t told her about my beautiful sporty car, or my wonderful apartment overlooking a lovely harbour. I wouldn’t dream of doing that! (Have only posted it on here to prove my point, not to boast! Sorry). I wonder why people are like that. Don’t they ever think about how it might make others feel?

If you are on good enough terms with the sender of this e-mail, I think you should drop a gentle hint that it really was not up to her to mention this matter, and not right in a round robin e-mail.

Not to be unkind to the sender, but rather to warn her that the teenager or the parents may be furious when they hear of this.

I'd say nowt...

This person wanted to make you feel as if he is your friend, sitting across from you, on the armchair. Well, he's not, because I bet that if you told him you had problems, he'd be telling the next person he met in the queue at the supermarket. So - say nothing, because he wants you to ask about the child. Tear up the card into little pieces, just in case a guest feels the need to read the messages on your cards.

I'd just stay quiet about it and roll my eyes in private about the way people seem to need to "share" their most personal lives with the rest of the world (whether they actually know us or not). I suspect it's a social media craze that still hasn't quite peaked yet, so those of us who cringe will just have to cringe a bit longer (and hold our tongues, otherwise we risk joining in with this uncomfortable trend....).

Babs03

Say nowt but it is totally over sharing, such details should be kept within the confines of the parents, the school, and the child, with everyone else on a ‘need to know’ basis and I don’t think recipients of a round robin need to know.

I agree

I’d die in my boots if I found out I was being discussed in such a way now by family ( let alone complete strangers on a forum ) even more so at 13.
That’s even before the massive assumptions, unwarranted opinions and unjustified ‘diagnosis’ .
I’d say nowt and ensure I never share any information with the author about anything!

I write a round robin letter but DD insists on seeing it before I send it. This year nothing was changed but sometimes she has wanted changes. Nothing like that though. Some people have no filter! She likes to approve the photos I've included too. I no longer get DS to vet it as he has never wanted anything changed but I'm sure if I was stupid enough to say anything inappropriate DD woud be on to it in a flash! This year it was surprise that I had a particular photo of her with my grandson - her nephew - and she wanted a copy! I told her she should go through my phone while she is visiting and take any she wants as I don't send everything to her as much as she does to me.

I'd be telling this family member that sharing this in a round robin is inappropriate I hate round robins in general

No way should this be put in i could be wrong but is this a kind of round robin sent to various people this is the kind of detail that should be shared with parents or guardians maybe grandparents or care givers. best just say child x busy at school quite a lot on at the moment

Better to say nothing.

Sounds a very judgemental comment to make about a child, looks like they want to tell everyone how bad the poor child is or perhaps highlight what they see as 'bad parenting'. Not pleasant behaviour, either ignore it or call them out, it's really not something they should be sharing in this way.

It doesn't seem the right place to share this news but that is really up to the parents and their child. For all we know, the child might have agreed to let people know so they don't have to explain for themselves. As for you saying something to the child, I'd wait for them to say something and then ask if there is anything that you can do to do help. I would not criticise Mum or ask if they minded Mum sharing; that way lies problems. Whilst it may be insensitive of Mum, she may be struggling too. It is not easy handling these issues. I think understanding is probably needed all round.

Personally, I would be tempted to drop a hint.

Why shouldn't young people going through a difficult time, as so many do, be given some respect and privacy!
I have a relative who had a lot of struggles in their late teenage years and because it was shared, it's not unusual, even now, so many years later, for people to comment on it when similar issues are raised.

Of course a parent make seek support from grandparents etc but I'd always hope that the spirit of confidentiality would remain.

Nowt......

I agree it's over sharing. I absolutely hate people knowing my business . I always have. My in laws think it's OK for everyone to hear stuff ..even if its personal ( brother in law has had a mole removed ..I could tell you where or draw you a picture? ) I cringe every time. A old school friend said she didn't know when my birthday was because I never told anyone . And that's from junior school. My husband forgot my birthday once but I never told him . I know it's extreme but I wouldn't tell anyone. And as for a round Robin...? It makes my heart sink.

I think personal issues about someone's mental health shouldn't be discussed in a Christmas email as it's private and highly insensitive

OK.
Well insert the word "he" in the relevant place then.

You are assuming it’s a “she”.
It’s not.

I'd ask if she's sure it's OK to tell others all her grandchild's issues.

sf101

I get one of those letters every year written by the husband of someone I have known all my life although we are not that close anymore. It is so pompous and condescending it makes me want to vomit!!!

This is NOT about a Christmas letters,
That’s another subject (of another thread) altogether.

Poor child. Once it’s ’out there’ it’s never going to go away. Imagine how betrayed they will feel in a few years time.

I wouldn’t say anything now (the genie is out of the bottle) but if the opportunity we’re ever to arise in future I would make my point.

I get one of those letters every year written by the husband of someone I have known all my life although we are not that close anymore. It is so pompous and condescending it makes me want to vomit!!!

Desdemona

Say nothing, the writer is being rather cruel, thoughtless and narcissistic, using the angst of a teenager to fill their horrible Christmas card.

1 It was not a Christmas card - horrible or otherwise.
2 How could you possibly judge this person and accuse them of narcissism et? They might be thoughtless and naive but I strongly resent your accusations of cruel and narc.
There are times when I despair, if I had thought anybody was going to go for the jugular about a misguided but nevertheless caring family member, I would never have asked for an opinion about whether I should (gently) say anything or not.