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Fighting the temptation of telling my daughter exactly what i think of her

(28 Posts)
Pennyloves Sat 21-Dec-24 00:37:48

My relationship with my daughter has got more difficult as she has become older. She is irresponsible, thoughtless, childish and constantly makes poor decisions.

She is a single parent and i do acknowledge it is difficult to find and hold a job however after having one for a year which is a miracle for her she has had an argument with one of the managers and walked out. I am appalled by the irresponsibility of it all. The effect on the GC from the never ending lack of money, how unfair it is on them. She owes us a lot of money and can barely afford to live as it is. I feel it is so selfish of her just to leave like this. She simply cannot commit to anything or put anyone else first. A rational adult in this situation would have bit their tongue putting her children first.

Her younger sister meanwhile is married with a nice house, regular holidays and a stable happy living situation for her children.

I feel as if i just want to "bang her head against the wall" and tell it as it is. How stupid and irresponsible she is but it will not end well. A few years ago when she said she was taking the children on holiday which she could not afford. She owed us money and still does, i let rip and made it clear her priorities were wrong and she simply isnt responsible enough to take the children away safely we were estranged for a few months.

My daughter is not young. She is in her late 40s!

How do other gransnetters learn to keep quiet in these situations or learn to let go?

Crossstitchfan Sun 29-Dec-24 12:23:48

Norah

Ignore that which you dislike and love your daughter.

Easy really.

‘Ignore which you dislike and love your daughter’. You think?
I bet it’s not so easy when you are actually living in that situation.
Rather a pointless comment in my opinion!

Madgran77 Sun 29-Dec-24 13:21:32

Dont comment...until ...If and when she asks for money tell her:

I have lent you £xxx over the years. You still owe me £xxx.

I am not willing to keep lending money knowing I wont get it back. This messes up my own financial planning

I know you are in a difficult position and I hope you can find a way to sort the problem for yourself.

She might well rant at you. Just repeat. If she estranges tell her you miss her and miss the grandchildren; that you are sorry she feels she has to do that but you still cant lend her money. And be strong. Tough love like this is needed. I know how very hard this is 💐