I connected with an old friend from 25 years ago recently and have over the last few months started a relationship with him. When I found him he had a gf of ten years but was not living with her. Their relationship was volatile and he seemed unhappy. Roll forwards six months and he has attempted to leave the gf on a couple of occasions but she uses her son (who bf loved dearly) to guilt trip him back, as well as some extreme outbursts, tantrums and dramas for good measure. He runs back to her because he thinks she is emotionally vulnerable and her 14 yr old son is obviously relying on him. Bf is the type of person who wants to help everyone and he tends to gets taken advantage of. He sees her as a victim and feels he is ‘abandoning her’. I think she is an emotional abuser using every manipulative tactic in the book. We have kept our relationship secret as it is early days and he is in fear of the fallout of her finding out. He has told me that although he stays over he is not having sex with her and I believe him. For the sake of getting the kind of advice I need on this platform, I would like this to be taken as true, rather than spark any side debates about whether or not he is telling the truth. He is telling the truth.
My hunch is that if she knew about me then the abuse would stop. I believe she would not try the same tactics with me in the frame as essentially she knows she would not be able to manipulate me. Or she may try, but she would not get very far.
I want to respect bf’s Soave and let him deal with things, but I can see he’s having a real emotional battle with it because he wants to be the good guy. His mother and father have both expressed views that they think the relationship is abusive, but bf seems in denial.
What might I do?
