Hurtful things about me that I never knew!

I'd be heartbroken because I'm too soft in general. She hasn't got skills in appraisals that's for sure. There's ways of saying things and doesn't show understanding
We often need very briad shoulders in this stage of you don't want a rift think it's best to hush. I'd struggle with a bit of a grudge but time does help a lot I'd take advice given. You're important & im sure deep down she values you & will be debated you read it
I'd be a bit naughty and mention one of her points in a general manner but not say you saw it written. ( we each learn lessons in life different ways). Be kind to you

This is a horrid situation. I’d leave and find other things to occupy me. Don’t be available from now on to do the deliveries or anything else, particularly house work. Just say, ‘Oh I’m sorry but I can’t’
Still go to family gatherings but perhaps have no opinions on anything.
Your opinion doesn’t matter so why waste your breath. If opinion is asked for, I’d say something like - Im sure you’ll find the right outcome and smile. Keep ‘nice’ but do keep busy elsewhere. Don’t be forced emotionally to be available for her. Just be an old lady and smile. 😀 You’ll manage. Don’t pick up the pieces.
Start living! and enjoy life x

If you're going to be so spiteful about someone who works for you, helps you out selflessly and loves you then you should jolly well be found out and hopefully at least feel some shame.
I would hand in my resignation with short notice for all the reasons above and when she either accepts it or asks why , tell her you've seen the note and are very hurt.
Then do as everyone says walk out with your head held high and very much enjoy the relief and freedom which you need and deserve!
Then see how life unfolds.

Don't add fuel to the fire. Just resign, retire, leave whatever you want to call it. Behave as if you are still the loving mother, grandmother you have always been. Try and forget?, forgive?, and carry on with your life.

Quit the job!

What eazybee said

I agree with Easybee🙂

I've had a similar experience, though not in a work context. I went to see my mother, and to help her out with a few things. She spoke more loudly than she thought she did, because of deafness. She was speaking on the phone, and I overheard it all. Very cruel and hurtful things about my appearance, dress sense, and similar, and untrue things about my husband. I told her straight out, and immediately, that I'd heard everything she said. It wasn't a shock, because she'd said things like this all my life (she was in her 80s at this time), but it was very upsetting. I confronted her with it so it wouldn't eat me up. She burst into tears and asked for forgiveness. She didn't get it, at least at the time, but we didn't discuss it further. Confronting her helped me to deal with it. I think, whatever age you are, and whatever the situation, if you say something it can always be reported back, and if you write something it can always be seen - and sometimes the person wants it to be. But whoever says or writes something is responsible for it. It's no one else's problem. This is not your problem, and you can move on with a clear conscience. You have tried to help, and it's not appreciated, and your daughter doesn't like or respect you. You don't have to cut off contact, but you know where you stand, and you owe her nothing.

Smileless2012

I agree with Barleyfields, that you should say that knowing what she really thinks of you, you're handing in your notice.

I wouldn't ask for an explanation or offer an explanation for why you've expressed concerns about her choice of holiday destinations and any concern you had about how she was managing or not, her business finances.

I wouldn't simply stop being available to help her out at home but tell her that you'll no longer be doing so.

Why on earth would she write these thoughts down and leave them in the office where you have access and could come across it, which you have done?

What has happened to family relationships where well meaning parents need to keep it zipped and keep even kindly meant opinions .... to ourselves.

Thank goodness we don't have to be this way with our DS.

Smileless your answer is spot on.

Gosh, what a difficult situation for you OP. If my daughter wrote things like that about me, I’d be terribly hurt and no way would I not say anything. Can they really have come from nowhere and been written in the heat of the moment?
Obviously I can’t say, because I don’t know her or you.
I’d stay calm and respond rather than react. Then I’d tell her you found the note when you were looking for innocently looking for something, tell her how hurt you are and then calmly say you think it’s better if you stopped working for her. If she offers an explanation fine but don’t ask for one. She has clearly crossed a boundary and you need to take care of yourself.

eazybee

I think you should leave, sooner rather than later, simply saying the job has become too much for you at your age and it is not your area of expertise.
Make no mention of having seen the notes referring to you, never, ever refer to them and leave on as pleasant terms as possible.
Don't be quite so available to help out at home, and don't do any jobs unless actually specified. Take a magazine to read instead.
Don't offer any advice, just smilingly agree with her plans and let her discover for herself how to sort out her financial affairs.

Totally agree - this is the way forward.

I find myself in agreement with many of the previous posters, resign , you are 70 that’s reason enough, if she can afford travel she can also afford a cleaner and a bookkeeper/ admin to replace you. No reason need be given, other than you want to enjoy the last third of your life, do not be on call, it won’t help either of you, get yourself a social life, so many older folk mainly women give up a huge amount of time running about after children and grandchildren because it’s expected, you have done your bit and this is your turn.

its very hurtfull when our kids think of us as annoying i would just leave quietly and in a nice way and distance yourself for a while and then slowly build up the relationship to a friendly point but not too get taken advantage of again

Perhaps she meant for you to see it,

I do feel so sorry for you having discovered this note- but I do also find it strange that your relationship with your daughter has been based on such a misunderstood and false premise- there can have been no truth and genuine understanding. Take Maw’s advice - it’s absolutely right. Also make your own life full of activities and interests- such that you have no time to work for your daughter in any capacity. Volunteer at a charity, join the U3A, look after your grand child a bit, join a book club, or a walking club, try a new skill - painting, swimming, golf, yoga, Pilates, gardening, any subject that interests you, get a dog, visit the theatre or the cinema- ( I recently took myself off to see A complete unknown ) - brought back wonderful memories of the 60’s - we bring up our children and teach them to fly- this is what they should do - let them and they will love you for it. It also makes them feel better if Mum and Dad are fairly busy!!

You are doing far too much for her, with no appreciation or thanks. Give notice and leave asap and make some nice retirement plans for yourself.

I agree sometimes people think harsh things about others, even people they care for, but writing them down and leaving it where you were easily able to see it is extremely uncaring. Lots of people write their thoughts down as a form of self therapy but something so hurtful and personal should have been kept safe or destroyed. I would find it very difficult to not let her know you have seen it because I’m not good at hiding my emotions. But I do agree that this is likely to cause some repercussions and could easily get out of hand. Take a step back from her life now and start doing things for yourself. Tell her you are leaving your job and give notice if she needs you to. Otherwise leave straight away. Don’t interfere with her travel plans just wish her a good time and tell her to stay safe. Make some plans of your own and enjoy the extra freedom you now have. It might be that you are helping her out to do her a favour but she could be keeping you because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you she no longer needs your help! Family relationships are such tricky things to navigate sometimes. Good luck and I hope you find a solution to this that works for you.

Times have changed and she doesn't need your well-intended help anymore. Your daughter does not have the guts to tell you that she needs fresh wind in the business. Do the right thing, and resign as if it were a usual employment. Should you feel the need to justify your decision, say that you still have some things on your bucket list, and that it is time to do that. And then get going on a lovely holiday somewhere overseas, or visit a friend who lives further away. Cut the apron strings. It is now time for YOU.

Give her notice. Mention you only started work as it was a particular situation she was in and you now feel you are not contributing anything in your role. Stop doing her domestic chores unless explicitely asked and only for the particular occasion. That way you are keaving the door open for her to ask for help and for you to maintain a family relationship.Leave DD to get on with her life, you've done your bit, and more!

If I had read a note like that from my daughter I would have been absolutely devastated. We did have a bit of a rocky relationship at times but I can't imagine her ever expressing such unkind sentiments or using such cruel language.

I am afraid I wouldn't be able to keep quiet - it would eat me up inside to do so. Providing you can keep calm and not enter into a slanging match, I would want to clear the air.

If it were me, I would tell her I had seen the note and found it very upsetting. I would say I understand that working with a family member has its difficulties, and everyone gets irritated sometimes. However, I have realised that it probably isn't the best thing for me to be working at my age, especially as I find the sales role challenging. So I am stepping back from the job and am giving 3-4 weeks to find a replacement.

I don't think it was unreasonable of you to point out that, particularly as the company's finances aren't that favourable at the moment, it might be wise to curb spending for a while. After all, you say you had a partly financial role.

As others have said, she was probably just letting off steam, so try not to take it to heart too much. But don't be so available for other little chores that she'd like you to do.

I hope you are being paid the correct salary for doing your sales job as you said you were helping her out.

I agree. This is sensible advice.

I too found out what my Daughter really thought about me, I had to walk away, I'm 80 now, I would'nt want her back, I think you should leave, but let her know that you've seen the notes, she should'nt be allowed to get away with that. Very disrespectful.

You must be feeling very hurt right now so I would take a few days to sort out what you want to do.
I can't imagine why she would write down those feelings let alone leave them somewhere you could find them if she didn't want you to come across them.
I would tell her you've seen her comments, obviously you won't be continuing to work for her but you will work your notice if it's absolutely essential. I might also be inclined to add that you only stepped into your current role against your better judgement because she asked you to do so. I would try to say this all quite calmly, difficult I know. I would also stop working from her house in order to take in her online shopping and definitely stop doing any other household chores for her.

You say she pays you. So this is a form of constructed dismal. Totally unacceptable. She sounds like a very selfish and ungrateful individual. She should definitely be told that as well.