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Hurtful things about me that I never knew!

(154 Posts)
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Calendargirl Mon 03-Feb-25 10:32:55

It sounds like the note was written to offload all her negative feelings about you, but never meant to be read by you or sent to you.

But you have seen it, read it and are hurt by it.

Do you think some of what she says is true? Do other family members feel the same?

Perhaps you are too involved in her life, you don’t say how old she is.

Maybe it’s time to step back, let her get on with her life, and make her own mistakes, both business and personal.

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MissAdventure Mon 03-Feb-25 10:32:53

You don't have to give any reason, quite simply because you are your own person, despite the fact that she has taken advantage of you.

If you want to give a reason, tell her you feel incompetent, and that you're dragging her down.

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Barleyfields Mon 03-Feb-25 10:30:24

I would be inclined to say that if that’s what she really thinks of me, she should find someone else to do my job, and give her a month’s notice. It’s nice to feel we are being helpful, but usually that meets with some appreciation, not a list of our perceived faults and shortcomings.

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Nannimo Mon 03-Feb-25 10:22:58

I hope I can get some good advice before this gets blown up out of proportion.
I'm 70+ and I work PT for my daughter - in a job that I don't find easy to do at all. Its sales and I am nota Sales type of person - I only ended up working for her because of staffing problems and as an administrator I thought I was helping out.

I was in the office today -GENUINELY looking for a file that I needed, and came across handwritten sheet on A4, full of unkind things she had said about me. She did sound angry anyway - although it was written thoughts ! What she said was

basically Job wise I was an incompetent old woman - dragging her down. I needed to be good at my job
On a personal level - I was a miserable old cow - who had had her life and she hadn't. She was going to "spend her money as she liked and travel wherever she wanted without looking for my approval ". ( As her mum I had expressed my own concern for her madcap travel plans in terms of her safety as a single woman in remote places - and when her business has been struggling financially - I did question some of her business spending ? as my original role in the business was to run her accounts )
I help out at her house sometimes because she is busy - so I do a few little jobs when I can ( only washing up / changing cat litter trays and hoovering up if I think it looks really messy) I do not go un invited - sometimes she askes me to WFH at her house - or I do these little jobs whilst waiting for her on line shop to arrive etc.

If I withdraw without saying anything at all - she will pick this up as giving her the cold shoulder and I will have to give a reason. ( and I am human - so I'll be thinking of what's in the note for quite a while I think )
Should I confront her with this note and ask for an explanation ?? Bit confused about my role in all this - it seems alot of people in my family take me for granted - but this has come as a shock to actually read hat someone really thinks.
What do you think ?

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