Feeling i ve been taken for a ride

Maybe your friend still feels uncomfortable though, Notjustaprettyface.

Yes there is 17 years between my husband and me and I am now paying the price for this and I regret it very much
My husband is still alive but has dementia and both my counsellor and the dementia nurse tell me it’s ok to date again in order to help with the immense loneliness I feel
Please don’t judge , it’s really hard

Jackanory time, it seems.

An interesting and observant post SilverBrook

I’m not very good at remembering names and previous posts.

Perhaps the OP will come back and update those details?

I’m afraid the old saying, ‘No fool like an old fool,’ was the first to come to mind, soon followed by, ‘A fool and his money are soon parted.’

I do really feel for you, though, OP, you must feel so let-down and disappointed.
Possibly a lucky escape, though?

I think he will probably learn that there is no fool like an old fool the hard way re the woman in Columbia. Move on.

I’m curious about this as just a few months ago (September 2024) you were posting about your older husband in a care home and some tussles you were having over care fees. Has he passed away now? If he has then it can only have been recently so whatever is going on here is happening against a background of whatever you are feeling about the loss of your husband - so naturally, feelings are raw.

If he is still alive then I am wondering what you are doing and this other man might be too about a still-married woman or a very recent widow.

I’m not being judgemental but you wrote elsewhere that your husband was 17 years older than you so a gap of 24 years between this other man and his new woman friend doesn’t seem so much.

Wave him off , wish him well and do not tell him how you feel - and most importantly don't reconnect with him on any level!! You can manage very well without him .

He's been honest, so I don't know where being taken for a ride comes into it

He sounds quite honourable to me. He has at least respected you enough to come and tell you face to face. but don't be surprised if the next text you get is saying that he has married her..
You clearly wanted a serious relationship and you are still young enough to find someone else.. but not this one...

Another voice to say "let him go".

I'm not so sure as to whether to be prepared to take him back again if/when she drops him. But don't go holding out hopes for this - as he may "hang on in there" for years...

This may say something about what he's after in a woman - as I'm not familiar with the customs of that country (ie I'm assuming it's South America we're talking about here). Personally, I think it's taking some doing for British women to have it quite quite clear in their heads that a relationship should be 50/50 and many are still allowing men to treat them as "second class citizens" imo. But, on the other hand, I can see that there are many British women who are, by now, clear in their heads that they are the equals of the men they are with and must be treated that way by them (equal housework/equal decision-making etc).

Maybe (I think it likely.....) women from that country are still pretty universally expecting the man to make their joint decisions/do his share of the housework for him, as well as their own/etc and this may be what he wants at some level - ie a more subservient woman than many of us British women are by now? If so - that doesn't augur well for his attitude towards women and you'd be "fighting" him to make him accept you are an equal and you'd be better off without him anyway if you did have to "fight" for your obvious equality with him....

I feel he was hedging his bets too I would also think he had an inflated ego. I would not waste time on a man who clearly likes the attention of two women. Wave him goodbye and move on he sounds like an opportunist to me.

I think telling you to your face is to his credit. He was honest with you. For clarity, are we talking Colombia (South America) or Columbia (as in somewhere in the States)?

I’m repeating more or less what Georgesgran said.

So, you hadn’t actually met up with him again before he went on his trip? But he came to see when he got back to tell you about the woman he met there. I think he’s been open and honest.

Perhaps you read more into his communications than was there.

The younger woman could just be a short term romance - I mean, they have only known one another for a month or less - unless he’d been cultivating something online and went to Colombia to meet her.

You have to be honest with yourself. You rekindled the contact hoping something would happen. He was curious but made no commitment.

The fact is that you have been involved with him before and it didn’t work out which must have been for a reason. What makes you think it would have worked second time around? Sadly, I think you have built this up into something which was never really there.

I fear you have been taken for a ride, unfortunately Columbia has now taken over from Thailand as the place for older UK men to find a wife.

I think he was probably hedging his bets.

Here’s a link.

www.rosebrides.com/colombian-brides.html

I don’t think you misread anything initially. I think he was keen, but he’s been swept off his feet by the interest a much younger and, no doubt a very attentive and flattering woman, is giving him.

You could say he did the honourable thing in coming straight away to tell you face to face, rather than doing the excuses and ghosting that a lot of men do in a awkward situation.

Chalk it up to experience and let it go. As he probably will have to do in a year or two’s time in Columbia!

By which time you will have moved on😁

Ah this hard. But hey it's his loss. Hild your head high, make sure you say a happy farewell and 'wish you well mate'. Then drop him....dont be there to help him pick up the pieces.

Notjustaprettyface

Thank you for your replies so far
Do you think I should let him know how I feel before he goes back ?

No, definitely not.
Wish him well then shut the door.
If you let him know how you feel he could string you along.
All the best 🌺🙏🏾

Sorry Cossy

Thank you Cosby

What a twit, him not you, I’m guessing he’s extremely flattered and a bit carried away by the attentions of a much younger woman.

Personally I think you deserve far better, let him go, with a hug and best wishes and if (when) Ms Colombia clears him out and dumps him, think very carefully about seeing him again.

Personally, I don’t think you’ve been taken in, on the evidence of your post. I think you were ‘keen’ to rekindle something and perhaps, he just saw you as a friend?

This is what I think.
He's excited about the potential in Columbia so just wish him well and consider him "only" a friend.

Let him go.

I’m sorry if I missed that your DH had died notjustaprettyface 💐

Notjustaprettyface

Thank you for your replies so far
Do you think I should let him know how I feel before he goes back ?

No.

Just wish him luck with his new lady.

He’ll need it.

Thank you for your replies so far
Do you think I should let him know how I feel before he goes back ?