Is this abuse

lovesun

Thank you for your answer it is slightly
reassuring. We moved in to the house together but it suited best at that juncture to be in his name and mine added later. He did write a will without my knowledge stating his son, daughter and myself have one third share. We got married after that will was written so I am not sure if it still stands and he says it does.

If you live in England marriage revokes any existing will so if her has not made a new one he would die with no will . You might be better off in tht case as his wife but get advice.

Personally I would never accept this level of blatant disrespect and he would be getting divorce papers sent to him.
But you should get legal advice as soon as possible before making any decision on your future, with or without him.

As I said before, a Will made in England and Wales would be valid if it mentions the intended union. The law in Scotland is different. There a spouse has prior rights and cannot be excluded from inheriting.

If the Will was made in England or Wales, didn’t mention the intended union so was made invalid on marrriage, then OP could inherit a substantial sum under the rules of intestacy.

Regarding the joint business, If husband and wife hold shares in a company jointly, on the death of one joint owner the legal title to the shares passes automatically to the remaining joint owner or owners rather than, as with any property held in the sole name of the deceased, into his estate. Assuming it is the husband who has died, then the widow will take the legal title in the shares by right of survivorship rather than under the terms of the deceased husband’s Will or on his intestacy.

I’m not sure I understand what OP means by not drawing his pension due to taxes or what kind of pension she is referring to. Does she mean he is a deferring his State Pension of money in a Defined Benefit (DB) scheme, Defined Contribution (DC) scheme or Self-Invested Personal Pension (SIPP)?

He sounds mean and controlling but I am wondering why OP has no other income (assuming she doesn’t). If she is in her late 60s, where is her State Pension? As a company director she will have been liable to Class 1 NIC (or credit for Class 1 if her pay from the directorship fell below the primary threshold). Presumably she worked when she was younger and/or could claim NIC credits under Household Responsibilty Protection if she stayed home looking after children.

On the surface of it, this does sound like financial abuse, however there are also some unanswered questions about why you’ve allowed yourself to get into this awful position, especially in a second marriage.

Did you get a settlement from your first marriage?

I'm so very sorry to read your upsetting post.

Your husband is a control freak and is inflicting emotional abuse on you to the extent that it is affecting your health .

I wonder what else he does ?

Have a look at a domestic abuse website and see just how many points you can identify with - just remember to delete your search .

Better still go to an Internet cafe .

I think that you cannot be thrown out of the house when he dies no matter what he states in his will .

I'm not legally qualified and you really do need to see a solicitor to put your mind at rest .

Wishing you luck with this .
And take a deep breath .

Yes it’s financial abuse and you need to see a solicitor. Do you have a close friend or family member who could go with you for support ? It sounds like he has ground you down emotionally.

A very good solicitor is needed here with divorce proceedings started , then he will have to disclose all his financial affairs.
Of course he can prevaricate and draw things out as my SIL has been doing and continues to do.
They have been separated more than 10 years, have a decree nisi two years ago and still no absolute.
Push, push and push, my D is not to my frustration.

I don’t know. This wouldn’t be the first couple where the man pays for everything in the household and/or where one of the parties in a second relationship starts to worry about their future security. I have seen it many times with friends. They enter into co-habiting arrangements with a man when they are in love, moving into his house. Ten years down the line, they realise they have no security either because he’s divorced and intends to leave everything to his adult children or can’t be bothered to divorce the wife he left years ago so she remains his legal heir. Either way the woman could find herself out on the street when her partner dies.

Like my friends, OP seems more worried about her future security were her husband to die before her than what is happening now.

At least she is married and has protection if there is no valid Will. If there isn’t a valid Will and his estate was worth say a million pounds, she would inherit over two thirds of it under the rules of intestacy excluding the company shares which she would inherit under right of survivorship and would not form part of his estate.

If he’s paying for everything and she has her own State Pension then she does have income of her own.

What’s curious is why the house was not bought as a joint tenancy in the first place. OP says: We moved in to the house together but it suited best at that juncture to be in his name and mine added later. That suggests some subterfuge during divorce proceedings so that one or both of the former spouses received less in the divorce settlements than they otherwise might have done.

As others have said, please get some professional advice as soon as you can but in the meantime this may help;

survivingeconomicabuse.org/what-we-do/financial-support-line/

Cossy

On the surface of it, this does sound like financial abuse, however there are also some unanswered questions about why you’ve allowed yourself to get into this awful position, especially in a second marriage.

Did you get a settlement from your first marriage?

Glad someone else echoes my take on this.

I know of a recent example where the sister of someone I knew left the UK to live abroad when she was in her teens.
She married a business man and enjoyed a very good lifestyle thank you very much. She presumed she would be looked after when he died because he told her she would.
Now due to all sorts of complications she has nothing but a roof over her head. All her husband's estate has gone into his family. She doesn't understand the law of the country she has lived in for over forty years, and came back to the UK for legal advice! They told her there was nothing they could do.
She has no children and no friends and now wants to come back to the UK after more than forty years.
She is in a terrible pickle and has paid a heavy price for depending on her husband for everything. He left her high and dry.

Maybe, keepingquiet it’s because I’ve always worked, even when I was a single mum for 9 years and had a mortgage before I met and married my husband, going on to have 3 more children of our own.

We share a bill account, but also have access to our own pensions etc and have made wills etc.

Our joint and previous children (1 his, 1 mine) all know exactly where there stand as do we.

I cannot imagine, now 66, not having a secure financial future and a place to live?

*they not there

The fact of the matter is that many women left such things as finance to their husbands, not just deference, but because they simply didn't have a clue about managing money or what to do or what the law was.

Fortunately for me, not only do I have a degree in economics, including accountancy, I have a husband whose attitude has always been 'why keep a dog and bark for yourself'. He was more than prepared to leave the finances in my hands. On the same basis, I know little about the practicalities of cars - he is an engineer.

However we did sit down together several times a year and discuss our financial situation, and had anything happened to me he knew enough to be able to muddle through to a full grasp of how everything worked.

I don’t see a huge amount of evidence of economic abuse here - just the issue of the house not being in joint names which OP did originally agree to. From the link provided above:

Economic abuse can take many forms. An abuser might do any of the following:

Sabotage your income and access to money: 

• prevent you from being in education or employment
• limit your working hours
• take your pay 
• refuse to let you claim benefits 
• take children’s savings or birthday money 
• refuse to let you access a bank account 

Restrict how you use money and the things that you own:

• control when and how money is spent 
• dictate what you can buy  
• make you ask for money or provide an allowance 
• check your receipts 
• make you keep a spending diary 
• make you justify every purchase made 
• control the use of property, such as a mobile phone or car  
• insist all economic assets (eg savings, house) are in their name  
• keep financial information secret 

Exploit your economic situation:

• steal your money or property 
• cause damage to your property 
• refuse to contribute to household costs  
• spend money needed for household items and bills 
• misuse money in joint bank accounts 
• insist all bills, credit cards and loans are in your name and make you pay them 
• build up debt in your name, sometimes without your knowledge 

Whether someone (the husband in this instance) considers themselves financially well off is subjective.

It’s not clear what work is being done as, on the one hand, the husband works non stop and is well paid (so she is not in the dark about how much he earns) but the joint business is not very profitable and she has not been paid in four years even though it sounds like she has shares in the business. These then seem to be two different areas of work. There’s a simple answer to the latter. Why continue to run a business that isn't profitable? Find work that does pay.

She has access to a joint account and doesn't say access limited. If she is late 60s, where is her State Pension?

There is no law that says husbands and wives must disclose everything about their finances to one to one another. It’s why women’s incomes are no longer tacked onto men’s for tax purposes and we make our own tax returns.

A lot more information is required before strangers start making allegations of abuse.

I agree that abuse isn’t really the word and could make something factual over-emotive.

Which is why I used the word disrespect!