Emotional needs unmet

For Jen67patte - there is a lot to be said for 35 years of peaceful marriage. Many would envy that. My husband was patient, loyal, kind and reliable. Some women might have found him dull. He wasn't out-going, romantic, or interested in my appearance. Luckily I didn't need him to tell me how I looked at any one time, because I had enough self-esteem to know when I did look good, and also enough self-awareness to know when I looked a mess! He still loved me whatever I looked like. That's worth a lot.

Jen67patte

Hello all
IV been married 35 yrs to a kind gentle man but he's a massive under reactive! He rarely says much about anything and often doesn't pass comments about my dress or looks or anything really! I can change outfits in a day and he won't notice! If I ask him he will say stop picking at him and stop getting irritable with him!
I should know he's a quiet man etc....
I'm finding it increasingly upsetting and I'm quite a outgoing person and enjoy dressing up and looking the best I can...I also work in fashion and really love helping others ladies look and feel great.
He doesn't really laugh at my jokes and rarely makes me laugh but I know deep deep down he cares.... What to do?! Help please

I hear you, it's hard work. We all need people to bounce off maybe get/see/create more friends that you can do that with more often even if its just on the phone.

My ex husband was like that, but he hated that I was so sociable, so I stopped going out & he stayed the same ... I found it very lonely & challenging. Good luck xx

Get out and enjoy life while you can

Luminance

The grass isn't greener on the other side, you must water your own grass.

Totally agree!

This is how I see it….without judgement. We all develop insecurities and it seems that yours is about your appearance. Unfortunately, this isn’t addressed in the company of your husband but is in a ‘new’ relationship. Part of you probably knows that won’t necessarily last a long time but it’s seductive and you want it anyway. Only you can decide whether you would rather stick to the comfort and security of a 35 year old marriage and all that it gives you. Or whether you opt for a possibly shorter term reward with your immediate emotional needs met and yet the future more unknown.
It’s a hard one…,and not that uncommon in other guises as well. I wonder if you could develop your love of fashion and need for appreciation in some other way altogether…and also look inside yourself..often the true answers are within and not to do with external events including relationships,

You want our permission to have a fling with this other guy? Well, a lot of people manage to carry it off! Do try not to upset DH.

I agree with Crosstitchfan the original poster is looking for permission to be unfaithful. At least be honest with yourself.

Looking for excitement after 35 yrs of marriage, that’s very common and it’s very easy to be tempted, it’s all about confidence, proving you can attract another man. Don’t have an affair just to prove you can, it’s a Pandora’s box you don’t want to open

eddiecat78

To be honest if you've been like this for 35 years your husband might be rather relieved if you went off with someone else

I love this! Well deserved by the woman wanting permission to be unfaithful!
Maybe I am biased as my wonderful husband died five years ago, but I think the OP is lucky to have such a lovely man.
I would give anything to have mine back!

Jen67patte

I should add as a caveat and aa part of the point of my being honest and wanting honest opinions here please, that I've recently reaquainted with an old friend of many years ago...ie pre marriage and we get on like a house on fire...

You’ve been married for 35 years and only just realised this about him??
I don’t buy it. I think this is you looking for approval to start an affair!
You have said he’s kind and gentle. So why give this up? Think yourself lucky. He has put up with you all these years, and yet you want an affair. What is up with you?

I'm afraid you sound very shallow..

Why do you need his opinion on your clothes, look in the mirror.

It sounds as though you are now being critical of your husband to justify reconnecting with your friend.

Is this a wind-up?
Surely nobody is this shallow?
Or an April Fool in poor taste?

I always think if I was missing my husband would be unable to tell the police what I was wearing!

An under reactive. Well, I learn something new every day.

You lucky girl being married to a kind gentle man. Count your blessings. This man must love you to put up with your constant demand for attention.

foxie48

GG13 mine would notice and immediately turn the heating down.

Oh that has made me laugh out loud 😹😹😹

GG13 mine would notice and immediately turn the heating down.

If my partner ever did actually notice what I was wearing, I would probably need resuscitation.

But why would anyone even consider chucking away 35 years of quiet kindness, love and support over such an issue? It seems to me that the OP is either very shallow or - old flame aside - there is much more wrong with this marriage than we have been told .

My husband wouldn’t notice if I was ironing stark naked.

He has just waited on me hand and foot whilst I recovered from an accident.

I know which I prefer…

You sound high maintenance.

To be honest if you've been like this for 35 years your husband might be rather relieved if you went off with someone else

OP ..emotional needs unmet? Just Emotional 🥹
.

Being complimented on what you’re wearing is the least valuable of any attributes of a husband. There are many more important ways of showing love, support, commitment. Think on.

Really?

I'm not sure 🤔