Where do I go from here?

Unfortunately not. The other person, who he used to be in touch with, died awhile back. I honestly don't think he wants to speak to me, which I find hurtful, when I spent nearly 17 years with him, although we never lived together.

I personally wouldnt just leave it.

I presume you dont know anyone who lives closer to him?

I have tried to contact him in the past! I am sure he is not in any kind of danger. He isn't married and doesn't have a partner or children. The reason for contacting him was to see how he was. This was because his sister died a couple of months ago, it was in the newspaper. He was very close to her. He went on holiday etc with her.

That had crossed my mind too BlueBelle. If you haven’t bothered with someone for a number of years, if you suddenly pop up that person may not want to bother with you.

Don’t you think this is a bit OTT poster hasnt contacted the ‘friend’ for a ‘number of years’ and when a stranger (to her)
answers, people have him down as an or old abused man

She knows nothing about him for years during that time he could have married, he could have a companion , he could have a carer , it could have been a neighbour, a relative, and he obviously didn’t want to speak to her or renew the friendship

There must be a reason Retired hasn’t spoken to this person for years lets face it this isn’t a friendship if you haven’t checked on a ‘friend’ for such a long time

Not having one's name published on the Electoral Roll isn't a recent innovation. Many years ago I chose not to have personal details shown on the Electoral Roll.

Are there any family.members of his or mutual friends you have that you could ask about his well being?

Yes, sending a cheerful card to say you're thinking of him would be nice, in any circumstance.

Retired65
When/if you want to accelerate this issue phone your friends council and ask to speak to the Adult safeguarding co-ordinator
It’s also acceptable to speak to the police.

We ve got two stories going on here !!!

Mt61
How do you mean that man puts off your friend from visiting his mum? If he has popped around?
Can't he just push his way in?
I would.
Also do contact social services.
Emphasise she is vulnerable.

I have decided to leave it for now.

Perhaps he was just surprised if you hadn't contacted him for years.. I would send him a card with your contact details and then he can decide if he wishes to speak to you..

Thank you for all your advice.
Yes, you can now elect to be on the closed register for the electoral roll.
I will try telephoning at another time and hopefully get to speak to him.

^I think the OP should try to contact the friend a few more times before starting to take action that could be seen as interfering.
^

I would agree with that.

I think the OP should try to contact the friend a few more times before starting to take action that could be seen as interfering.

I’m quite elderly myself but I’d be very cross if someone I hadn’t seen for years (like the OP says) took action in my life without consulting me first.

She could try ringing a different times of the day for a chat, perhaps more frequently than previously so that she’s up to date with what’s happening in his life. Rather than immediately going to the electoral role or employing someone to investigate.

A lady answering the phone and him saying he couldn’t speak now sounds very much like a carer and cared for carrying out the last routines of the day to me.

Our family hadnt had contact with a member for about 5 years.
We were concerned about him.
I travelled hundreds of miles to make sure he was ok. He was. But his circumstances were in the process of changing, so glad I went.

If I hadnt done that, I would have employed someone in his area, to visit his house.
Our family wanted to make sure he was ok, and wanted peace of mind for ourselves.

I think the electoral roll can now be private?

My uncle had a younger woman who befriended him. She got him to change his will and leave everything to him. She’d even itemised everything in the house ( he didn’t have much) and complained about me taking a clock that had been presented to him when he retired. Towards the end she wasn’t even seeing him but was supposedly pushing sandwiches through his letterbox.

Mt61 do your friend and his brother have both Powers of Attorney in place for their mother? If not that's the first thing they need to do, if their mother is still able to agree.

And yes they should let the adult care social work team know of their concerns, as their mother is at risk of financial abuse.

My friends mum is late 70 dementia, had a fella doing odd jobs, now he’s moved in, he’s in his late 40s I believe. Our friend is going nuts, he & his brother pop round & he puts them off visiting. I have told them to get Social services involved. I am seeing him next week to get the next chapter of what’s happening.
You hear of people moving in on older, vulnerable people, next thing they are getting married & there’s not a lot the family can do apparently. The law might have changed on that for people who have dementia. I think registrars should be made aware if something looks off.

You could write to him and put your address on the back, if he’s moved the new people may send it back to you

I phoned at 7pm. I will try and ring another day and time. As you say it could have been a carer.

When was the last time you had contact with him? It could have been a carer, relative, friend or new partner.

Probably a cleaner or carer of some kind.

When did you last phone? Life can change quickly when you’re in your eighties. He maybe needs some extra support for a condition you don’t know about.

Try phoning again at a different time. Early evening maybe.