How can I sort/deal with this issue

Ziggy62

RosieandherMaw
My comment mentioned "men" as OP was talking about her husband

I'm well aware of which century we are living in

Do you need to be so rude?

Calm down dear!

It certainly read as applying only to men.

Pots and kettles.

Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

Surely you could sit up in bed and write a shopping list.
Maybe you could do the washing yourself in the morning!

Tizliz. Maybe that’s my DH problem too. Although he’s always been like this but to a lesser extent. He is having memory problems but is in denial.

He also interrupts all the time and doesn’t listen. Our DGD yesterday was in tears because grandad wasn’t listening and wouldn’t let her speak. So annoying ! But it’s like his mind is racing ahead and what we’re saying doesn’t matter

My OH does this and when I explained how annoying it is he said he is afraid of forgetting what he wants to say. So now I leave him be unless we have company and then I remind him just to be sociable.

I keep a list on the worktop and jot down whenever we are about to run out of something. Then there is always a shopping list ready. Sometimes I put an item on a ‘Soon’ list rather than ‘Urgent’.

Sorry to say this, but one day one of you will be on your own, so there is nobody else to do the jobs you don’t like doing. It is wise for everyone to be aware of what needs to be done to run a house and to learn how to do them( or pay someone else to do so).

eazybee

I can't believe this is real.
Does it not occur to the poster that her habits may be equally annoying to her husband?
Would she prefer that he did nothing, as so many partners do?

My thoughts as well, eazybee. I don’t see any problem that a bit of give and take won’t solve.

Perhaps the DH sees the morning trip to the shops as his daily exercise? Perhaps he enjoys talking to people he meets while out and about? I don’t see any harm in it, whatever the reason. It doesn’t sound as though he wants to do a big shop, or an online delivery, and why should he? As others have said, if you don’t want to be disturbed in a morning, just keep a shopping list on the fridge so he knows what you want. Then you can stay in bed undisturbed for as long as you like, and he can crack on as he wants.

You have a husband who can actually use a washing machine!! Don't sweat the small stuff. Do what you want when you want. My husband has absolutely no idea about anything domestic. He can manage tea and toast and that is it. Meals put in front of him every day. He has a laundry fairy, cleaning fairy, shopping fairy, gardening fairy, the list is endless. His only interest is if it has an engine! He is looked after like a child. However, he is kind and caring and I love him (most of the time).😂

As for eating what you fancy when you fancy it, if you get a weekly big shop in then you can have Tuesday's dinner on Friday if you wish. You have a packed fridge and can pick and choose.

You also don't need to have the same plan every week. We definitely don't have fish on Friday, mince on Monday week in week out.

Jaxjacky

Why don’t you go out and do a big shop?

Or get an online order once a week?

It seems the struggle is caused by your two routines colliding.

If you can't make them merge then can't you sit down together and hammer out some way to make it work for you?

My husband does some of the jobs, I do others.
He does his jobs when it suits him and I do mine.
We make a menu plan for the week, then a shopping list, then one of us goes shopping when the shop is quiet. The week's our own then and we do as we please.
It's a peaceful sort of set up.

RosieandherMaw
My comment mentioned "men" as OP was talking about her husband

I'm well aware of which century we are living in

Do you need to be so rude?

Just a thought but is your DH the nervous type. My DH has got too much nervous energy, he’s 72 . We get up roughly the same time, but he’s much more ready than me to start the day.
He also interrupts all the time and doesn’t listen. Our DGD yesterday was in tears because grandad wasn’t listening and wouldn’t let her speak. So annoying ! But it’s like his mind is racing ahead and what we’re saying doesn’t matter.
He’s already asked me what I want for the supermarket and I’m supposed to be writing a list then he’s going for a walk around the park, and a football match tonight.
I’ll be happy just to potter after a busy day yesterday. We’re all different.

I can't believe this is real.
Does it not occur to the poster that her habits may be equally annoying to her husband?
Would she prefer that he did nothing, as so many partners do?

My DH has similar traits. I just let him get on with it and think of the benefits he brings to my life.

Thinking back now when I had my own house, I wish we’d of done that. It’s a lot easier living on your own

Ziggy62

Do you think men miss the routine of work once they retire?

Why should that only apply to men?
Which century do we live in?

I have a partner/boyfriend just like this. The difference is that we live in separate houses on opposite sides of the road!! So he can do as he pleases when and where he wants and we get together at a time which suits us both. You may consider this to be rather extreme strategy but it works perfectly for us! We’ve been together happily for 25 years.

Have you considered making a list of his good points?

It wasn’t till years later that I found out why
He used to stay at my house Friday night, in the morning he’d say “ I’m just nipping home , I’ll be back after lunch”
I used to think why ?
Found out years later it was so he could do
Exercises and go on indoor bike, as he did everyday

I in the past told him quite a few times, running a house is not just hoovering,washing, cutting grass & bins
He’s never cleaned a window, toilet,shower screen , moped bathroom floor or even dusted and washed bedding( yet he’ll do clothes) says he forgets, I’ve tried leaving it
Doesn’t work! As he doesn’t think of it to do it.

Yes I rather think he is on the A.S , He has lots of hobbies, motor bike,cars, tennis , volunteer @ bike events.

I find getting up a 9am is fine, I’ve worked 40 yrs getting up at 6am so why not
Also I have All day to go about things I’m not in bed at 9pm
He thinks nothing has to be done passed 6pm

I’ve made list for meals and it got so so regimented that if I wanted a change he say
“ but it’s …..,, on a Weds we always have it
It’s just so hard not being flexible
Like tea, if I’m not in kitchen around 5pm he’s in there getting the things out on the counter, yet never wants to learn how to cook it.
I think he comes from old school, his dad
Always sat at the table and his wife cooked and brought it to him, he never cooked and always tried to fix up things rather than get someone in to fix it.

I’m just gonna have to bite my tongue and let him get on, wish I’d off known he was like this years back.

Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed, courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other

The above is the way forward. Think independently, plan ahead. As someone said write shopping lists the night before, do a weekly big shop to a planned menu

and do as recommended in the serenity prayer.

Being on different time schedules must be wearing, we do have fairly set times during the day but they are the same times, we are both larks.
We share house chores and gardening, my wife works 2/3 days.

that would drive me mad, the devil in me would want to sabotage all that!!!! There's some great ideas to compromise above, but as to cherry picking jobs maybe you could do same or announce a rota for the jobs no-one wants to do. Living with someone isn't easy is it?

Sounds like you just needed a rant Foden, having put up with your OH’s routine for 6/7 years. I would do as JackJaxy suggested and do a big weekly shop, then he can pop to the shop each morning to pick up what he fancies. Is it really necessary to put a wash on each day? Sounds excessive to me, when we’re trying to save the environment.

I detest food shopping and the less time I have to spend doing it the better!
We go once a week - with a list - meals planned for the week ahead - freezer stocked too - fish delivery weekly - proper butcher once a month for proper meat - job sorted!
There's more to life and marriage than wretched food shopping FFS!
Time to have a firm chat with your OH OP or things will never change