How can I sort/deal with this issue

Why not work out the night before what you want him to buy?That said, it’s not as if 9.30 is sparrow fart though!
(Many on the Good Morning thread seem to have shopped and back again by 8!!!)
Do you have to run the washing machine every day, and if so why can’t yesterdays clothes go in and put todays into the washing basket when you go to bed?
Yes he is inflexible , possibly OCD but you need to work out your own stratagems to go with the flow- not try to turn the tide!

Why don’t you go out and do a big shop?

Sounds like hard work to me just do one big shop once a week then your husband can go out and pick up any extras as required.
As for the washing which actually is a total mystery to my husband why do it at 6.30pm I tend to do different loads on different days first thing so I can hang them out.

Different people have different expectations from relationships. Many people would be ok with this others like you not so much. What in this do you think you can change? I’m assuming he has good points too,do they outweigh the negatives? Is it possible he was always like this but when working it wasn’t as obvious?

It’s the other way round for us. I’m the early riser and I do the big shops with menus in mind and he does the small top-up shops. Works for us.

Do you think men miss the routine of work once they retire?

Without knowing anything about his working life, it’s hard to say. Maybe he worked to a strict timetable for 40 years and it’s ingrained in him. Some people do have to measure out their time in hourly slots, teachers for example, or even smaller measures e.g. people who had to fill in time sheets to charge clients for work done.

Post retirement, some people feel they still need structure in their life else they drift and do nothing.

If he is so very rigid then it might suggest he is on the ASD spectrum, needs routine, has a clear demarcation between what he is and isn’t comfortable with and sometimes needs instruction i.e. happy to go to the shop but needs to be told what to buy.

Surely the easiest solution would be to sit down together and write out a daily/weekly shopping list.

I don’t blame him for wanting to shop at certain times. I avoid my local store from 8:00am to 8:45am (full of schoolkids buying tuck). Same at lunchtime and at the end of the school day. That mid-morning slot sounds about right.

Sounds normal enough to me someone he is someone who has always liked to follow a path you chose him, you said he’s always been structured so what’s wrong
I m always up by 6 at very latest 7 and would feel quite slack to lie in till 9 I would be the one up and trotting to the shop by 9 am if you’re an early bird it’s very hard to tap your feet till much later
Nothing wrong with routine if that suits the person My dad always had meals at the same time always got up at the same time went to bed at the same time but he’d been in the military through the war years and everything ran like clockwork and he never got out of the habit Mum was a freer spirit but got more like Dad as years went by.
Instead of being irritated by him why not accept him, you chose him a long time ago, at least he’s trying a lot of men do nothing

I think perhaps inside he is frightened of a life without structure or purpose or being useful post retirement so he has to go out everyday and only get a few things so tomorrow will bring more need/structure purpose. Just "being" isn't enough. He sounds short of hobbies or other ways to enjoy his time.

It is really hard for you, but he may experience suggestions for change as a threat and be unaware/unable to see emotional consequences for you.

In an ideal world he'd be able to discuss it openly without him feeling threatened or go to a counsellor to work out compromises if you cant stand it anymore.

Definitely stand up to him if you want to pop into the supermarket in an afternoon. Are there things you enjoy doing together, if not then it's what can you do to make your own life more satisfactory with others/other activities. all the best, its a tough one.

Shopping every morning!! Why ??
He obviously needs his routine but I understand why it drives you mad. May be OCD or perhaps on the autistic spectrum - many people are undiagnosed and lead happy successful lives. Whatever the reason it seems you have no option but to try not to to let it irritate you (easier said than done I recognize that ) My DH has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease, he has always been a creature of habit but it is now on a very different level. His latest thing is going out for coffee/ cake every morning!!!! Never wants to miss , he lives in the moment and has no concept of how often we go. I just smile and agree to go with him - not easy! Gooduck.

I would just write a shopping list the evening before and leave on the kitchen table.. and I would load any washing I need doing into the machine the evening before. Then I would have my own, much looser routine and get up when I wanted to and leisurely have breakfast whilst he is out and just enjoy my own company.. I think he probably feels safer with a strict routine but you can surely adapt to him..

I don’t really understand what the problem is. If there’s anything you particularly want from the shops then let him know the night before, or do a big shop yourself to cover the week.
Unless you only have one set of clothes it doesn’t matter if you miss the 1830 washing slot surely?

There are plenty of people who like routine, and your husband is one of them.
I hope you both find time to have some fun, along with all the domestic stuff.

I detest food shopping and the less time I have to spend doing it the better!
We go once a week - with a list - meals planned for the week ahead - freezer stocked too - fish delivery weekly - proper butcher once a month for proper meat - job sorted!
There's more to life and marriage than wretched food shopping FFS!
Time to have a firm chat with your OH OP or things will never change

Sounds like you just needed a rant Foden, having put up with your OH’s routine for 6/7 years. I would do as JackJaxy suggested and do a big weekly shop, then he can pop to the shop each morning to pick up what he fancies. Is it really necessary to put a wash on each day? Sounds excessive to me, when we’re trying to save the environment.

that would drive me mad, the devil in me would want to sabotage all that!!!! There's some great ideas to compromise above, but as to cherry picking jobs maybe you could do same or announce a rota for the jobs no-one wants to do. Living with someone isn't easy is it?

Being on different time schedules must be wearing, we do have fairly set times during the day but they are the same times, we are both larks.
We share house chores and gardening, my wife works 2/3 days.

Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed, courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other

The above is the way forward. Think independently, plan ahead. As someone said write shopping lists the night before, do a weekly big shop to a planned menu

and do as recommended in the serenity prayer.

It wasn’t till years later that I found out why
He used to stay at my house Friday night, in the morning he’d say “ I’m just nipping home , I’ll be back after lunch”
I used to think why ?
Found out years later it was so he could do
Exercises and go on indoor bike, as he did everyday

I in the past told him quite a few times, running a house is not just hoovering,washing, cutting grass & bins
He’s never cleaned a window, toilet,shower screen , moped bathroom floor or even dusted and washed bedding( yet he’ll do clothes) says he forgets, I’ve tried leaving it
Doesn’t work! As he doesn’t think of it to do it.

Yes I rather think he is on the A.S , He has lots of hobbies, motor bike,cars, tennis , volunteer @ bike events.

I find getting up a 9am is fine, I’ve worked 40 yrs getting up at 6am so why not
Also I have All day to go about things I’m not in bed at 9pm
He thinks nothing has to be done passed 6pm

I’ve made list for meals and it got so so regimented that if I wanted a change he say
“ but it’s …..,, on a Weds we always have it
It’s just so hard not being flexible
Like tea, if I’m not in kitchen around 5pm he’s in there getting the things out on the counter, yet never wants to learn how to cook it.
I think he comes from old school, his dad
Always sat at the table and his wife cooked and brought it to him, he never cooked and always tried to fix up things rather than get someone in to fix it.

I’m just gonna have to bite my tongue and let him get on, wish I’d off known he was like this years back.

Have you considered making a list of his good points?

I have a partner/boyfriend just like this. The difference is that we live in separate houses on opposite sides of the road!! So he can do as he pleases when and where he wants and we get together at a time which suits us both. You may consider this to be rather extreme strategy but it works perfectly for us! We’ve been together happily for 25 years.

Ziggy62

Do you think men miss the routine of work once they retire?

Why should that only apply to men?
Which century do we live in?

Thinking back now when I had my own house, I wish we’d of done that. It’s a lot easier living on your own

My DH has similar traits. I just let him get on with it and think of the benefits he brings to my life.

I can't believe this is real.
Does it not occur to the poster that her habits may be equally annoying to her husband?
Would she prefer that he did nothing, as so many partners do?