My partner and daughter

I think your wife is totally out of order. If it was me, I’d question whether I wanted to stay with her. To be so utterly hateful about your daughter, who has handled the situation with grace and love, is unforgivable.

I think we have had a similar thing posted on Gransnet before. Maybe I can find it.

Meanwhile maybe try to sit in your wife's place for a while. Maybe the speech sounded differently from there?
Acknowledgement that your daughter "used to" feel something sounds good to you because your assumption is that she has moved past it - but maybe your partner felt very hurt by your daughter and now "the truth is out".

I would not like to be called "grandma" either. I use my name - though I know many people do like this. I think your daughter could have asked her.

It’s months later now but I just can’t shake it off especially given she doesn’t really see why it’s such a big thing. Maybe it was a momentary outburst and she is "over it"? Your partner has shaken it off. Has it affected the way she behaves to your daughter or is it truly "gone"?

Here it is:

www.gransnet.com/forums/relationships/1340820-My-partner-cant-stand-my-daughter

Lots of responses.

Great response NotSpaghetti.

IMO it's how your wife behaves toward your D that's important Adgm and whether or not you have ever acknowledged how your D's past behaviour impacted on her.

Maybe some insight into the discussion you had about your D would be helpful. Could it be that your wife felt the discussion was whitewashing the past and that you've neither fully understood or acknowledged your D's past behaviour or challenged your D?

I don't understand why you feel that being with your wife is being disloyal to your D , has/is your D contributing to this by making you feel this way? Could your D be making your wife feel uncomfortable in ways that you're not aware of?

You need to re visit this discussion with your wife, rather than festering about what she has said.

oh dear, your wife doesn't love you does she! should have thought twice! .. you thought you were in a good place and you weren't

You have made a big mistake and know it. Divorce. My d estranged me but I would never, ever let anyone hurt her. How can you let that woman speak about your lovely daughter like that? She doesn't love you she controls you,

I think your daughter has played a blinder with that speech. It's getting her just what she wants - rid of your wife.