Hot water not working - husband done nothing

Why can't you contact the plumber?

I always sort that sort of thing out myself. If I need advice from DH I ask, but largely just go ahead.

So yesterday the hob stopped. DH had a look at it and said it was broken. I decided to get a new one.

Did that this morning to be delivered after our holiday.

boheminan

Why can't you contact the plumber?

Because he would be angry.

Angry? It seems to me there's more of an issue of you being controlled than just the hot water failing.

My initial thought is that it may be something simple like a drop in water pressure in the boiler and it’s very simple to top up. I need to do mine every 12-18 months. Worth a try before paying for a plumber. You’ll find a demo on YouTube.

However, if you can’t contact tradesmen without your husband becoming angry then it’s more than your boiler that’s a problem.

Contact the plumber, don't tell the husband till he arrives.

Please tell us more about your husband's anger, are you safe?

Well if you're not allowed to phone a plumber and he won't phone a plumber you could just stop washing up and when he wants some dinner tell him there are no clean dishes, cutlery or saucepans and to stop nagging?

I don't think a plumber is going to fix your main problem though.

AmberGran

Well if you're not allowed to phone a plumber and he won't phone a plumber you could just stop washing up and when he wants some dinner tell him there are no clean dishes, cutlery or saucepans and to stop nagging?

I don't think a plumber is going to fix your main problem though.

👏👏👏

The plumber isn’t your main problem, nothing other posters can suggest will change your grumpy angry husband. Sadly you can’t change him either, you can change you

Zorro21

boheminan

Why can't you contact the plumber?

Because he would be angry.

Book yourself into a Premier Inn until he comes to his senses.

AmberGran

Well if you're not allowed to phone a plumber and he won't phone a plumber you could just stop washing up and when he wants some dinner tell him there are no clean dishes, cutlery or saucepans and to stop nagging?

I don't think a plumber is going to fix your main problem though.

Yes.

Zorro21

boheminan

Why can't you contact the plumber?

Because he would be angry.

Well to heck with that - just do it!

Everyone seems surprised that the OP’s husband would be angry. It seems to me that this is how most men would react. With only one exception I can say hand on heart that the husbands or partners of all the women I know are difficult one way or another and it’s invariably the women who acquiese.

Zorro. Are you OK?

Perhaps he'd be angry with himself because he's failed to do anything about it.

I still don't understand why Zorro21 couldn't phone a plumber herself, though.

Skydancer

Everyone seems surprised that the OP’s husband would be angry. It seems to me that this is how most men would react. With only one exception I can say hand on heart that the husbands or partners of all the women I know are difficult one way or another and it’s invariably the women who acquiese.

This is a depressing and rather shocking post. In my family and friends it is very different. The idea that a man’s potential for anger leaves women acquiesing in 2025 is so sad. What price partnership and equality

Well my experience is absolutely at variance with Skydancer
What century do some grans live in?

Ok, so your husband would be angry if you called in a plumber. What would that anger entail? I'm not asking you to tell us, incidentally - just to think about it.

If he would be cross and grot a bit for a couple of days you can ignore it, but if he might be violent, or make your life too difficult to bear, it's different. In that case, what are you able to do about it? Can you go to a friend or relative's until he sorts things out? Are you really in a position where you have no choice but to put up with it?

If the latter, what are your financial options? Can you move out until things are sorted, or is that not an option? Can you afford to leave?

People are often willing to comment on situations like this with no possible idea as to what the reality of the situation might be. My options and yours could be miles apart.

I think you have two choices here, though. Either you tell us what the situation entails in more detail, or you hope that someone will comment in such a way that it engages with your situation and is helpful. That could take a long time though, as none of us knows what is really going on.

Good luck though - you shouldn't be in this situation, and I hope you realise that. x

Skydancer

Everyone seems surprised that the OP’s husband would be angry. It seems to me that this is how most men would react. With only one exception I can say hand on heart that the husbands or partners of all the women I know are difficult one way or another and it’s invariably the women who acquiese.

??????????????? I am horribly surprised at your post. Most men I know would not even think of being angry their wives made a phone call to a plumber or the bank or the garage because that is just stuff competent adults do when you're sharing a life and home.

Did you ask him if he would like you to phone the plumber to save him time? Secondly is a plumber the right person? Not all plumbers do heating and you may need a central heating engineer. You can’t always get anyone on a Saturday without paying a fortune for an emergency call out which it doesn’t sound like yours is. Maybe dh is waiting until Monday morning?

Zorro21

boheminan

Why can't you contact the plumber?

Because he would be angry.

Phone the plumber, arange a callout, don't mention it to DH.
When the plumber turns up he's hardly going to make a scene in front of plumber.

If, later, he does get angry, just say " I called the plumber because we needed him. All sorted out. That's an end to it now." Calm steady voice, end of conversation . If he kicks off again you just say " You need some time to think about this, so do I. I'm going for a walk/ to start dinner/ , see you later" .

That's your script. Don't engage in argument/ blame/ excuses/ and for gods sake do not apologise.

Skydancer

Everyone seems surprised that the OP’s husband would be angry. It seems to me that this is how most men would react. With only one exception I can say hand on heart that the husbands or partners of all the women I know are difficult one way or another and it’s invariably the women who acquiese.

Skydancer I completely agree.

However, being cynical…

I like that, Rosie, and it feels depressingly familiar at times 🙄 😂.

All the same, advising someone we don’t know to anger her husband, when none of us knows what form his anger might take is risky at best. It’s not a soap opera - this is the OP’s lived experience and she may need to be more careful than commentators do. I would phone a plumber without a second thought, but I am not married to a man who might get violent as a result.

My approach would be to say something on the lines of ‘Can you deal with this yourself or do you want me to ring Fred, as it needs sorting by the weekend?’ But I am not the OP, and we need to remember that what we (generic) would do won’t work for everyone.