Hot water not working - husband done nothing

Zorro21

Maybe I should have titled this question - "How to persuade your husband to agree to calling a plumber so we have hot water".

My apologies for that, because that's what I really meant. When I first moved in with him I called out British Gas over a boiler problem and he was very angry indeed. He was also in hospital fairly recently when the gas fire was emitting carbon monoxide. The alarm went off. I dealt with that.

Thank you for your interesting responses, in particular the private messages which were very caring.

What happened is that he went out Monday morning to a plumbers merchants, bought the parts (ballcock etc) and while in the shop a plumber in the queue kindly offered to come round the same day. The problem was in the loft, and needed someone agile to climb up a ladder.

I'm afraid I do have a husband who gets angry if someone else does this for him. I am quite capable of finding contractors, but I don't enjoy the confrontation which would inevitably occur.

Zorro has now responded to comments on this thread, so there is no need to reply to her initial post.

Zorro21

What would fellow gransnetters do ?

Hot water failed Friday morning. Husband can't fix it. He knows the problem needs a plumber. He "forgot" to try to contact any plumber Friday. Friday evening he promised faithfully to contact a perfectly good and reasonable local plumber I found on Trust a Trader. I read the reviews out to him. This morning (Saturday) I asked him if he had contacted plumber and was told to "stop pestering him". So in this hot and sweaty weather it is going to be difficult to wash and wash up just using a kettle. Any views ?

Can't you use your phone to call the plumber?

Shelflife the OP asked ‘what would other Gransnetters do’ they replied as requested.

Timeless Rainbows
"One possibility is that your husband may not be able to afford a plumber at the moment and does not wish to admit this to you."

Another possibility is that the OP can just pay the plumber herself from her own income.

Allira Yes, he is lucky but if he suddenly became less able for any reason he could become frustrated.

I'm sure being less able may be frustrating, anger is never acceptable.

This can affect people in different ways, some, particularly men, may become irritable and some might become angry. Angry with themselves because they can't do what they used to do but then could become cross with loved ones too.

All in whatever one will accept, I don't like cross people.

Either spouse, by the way, men should't be excused for cross behaviour unless we accept the exact same from women.

Are there any other areas of daily life that he regards as his territory to the point that he gets angry if you step in?

Norah

Zorro21

Maybe I should have titled this question - "How to persuade your husband to agree to calling a plumber so we have hot water".

My apologies for that, because that's what I really meant. When I first moved in with him I called out British Gas over a boiler problem and he was very angry indeed. He was also in hospital fairly recently when the gas fire was emitting carbon monoxide. The alarm went off. I dealt with that.

Thank you for your interesting responses, in particular the private messages which were very caring.

What happened is that he went out Monday morning to a plumbers merchants, bought the parts (ballcock etc) and while in the shop a plumber in the queue kindly offered to come round the same day. The problem was in the loft, and needed someone agile to climb up a ladder.

I'm afraid I do have a husband who gets angry if someone else does this for him. I am quite capable of finding contractors, but I don't enjoy the confrontation which would inevitably occur.

Thank your for responding and answering questions. Sorted!

I understand. My husband can do any type of diy as he does much of it in his work and is not keen on others doing for him. Thankfully he's agile - golfing, walking, skiing - perhaps just lucky?

Yes, he is lucky but if he suddenly became less able for any reason he could become frustrated.
This can affect people in different ways, some, particularly men, may become irritable and some might become angry. Angry with themselves because they can't do what they used to do but then could become cross with loved ones too.

LaCrepsecupe / have you RTFT ?
Your comment is quite the most unhelpful and smug one I’ve seen here

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Zorro21

Maybe I should have titled this question - "How to persuade your husband to agree to calling a plumber so we have hot water".

My apologies for that, because that's what I really meant. When I first moved in with him I called out British Gas over a boiler problem and he was very angry indeed. He was also in hospital fairly recently when the gas fire was emitting carbon monoxide. The alarm went off. I dealt with that.

Thank you for your interesting responses, in particular the private messages which were very caring.

What happened is that he went out Monday morning to a plumbers merchants, bought the parts (ballcock etc) and while in the shop a plumber in the queue kindly offered to come round the same day. The problem was in the loft, and needed someone agile to climb up a ladder.

I'm afraid I do have a husband who gets angry if someone else does this for him. I am quite capable of finding contractors, but I don't enjoy the confrontation which would inevitably occur.

Thank your for responding and answering questions. Sorted!

I understand. My husband can do any type of diy as he does much of it in his work and is not keen on others doing for him. Thankfully he's agile - golfing, walking, skiing - perhaps just lucky?

I understand the problem. I have a DH whose rehabilitation from bypass surgery that was highly problematic and left him with damaged lungs was to get the builders for the extension, then insist on doing the guttering himself plus most of the electrics (approved by the Part P plumber/ electrician working for us.

However, he cannot do that anymore, and, like others, he finds it very frustrating, but however much he grumps, he doesn't lose his temper with me. Mainly, I suspect, because he knows that I will not accept it and say so clearly.

Zorro21

Maybe I should have titled this question - "How to persuade your husband to agree to calling a plumber so we have hot water".

My apologies for that, because that's what I really meant. When I first moved in with him I called out British Gas over a boiler problem and he was very angry indeed. He was also in hospital fairly recently when the gas fire was emitting carbon monoxide. The alarm went off. I dealt with that.

Thank you for your interesting responses, in particular the private messages which were very caring.

What happened is that he went out Monday morning to a plumbers merchants, bought the parts (ballcock etc) and while in the shop a plumber in the queue kindly offered to come round the same day. The problem was in the loft, and needed someone agile to climb up a ladder.

I'm afraid I do have a husband who gets angry if someone else does this for him. I am quite capable of finding contractors, but I don't enjoy the confrontation which would inevitably occur.

Please notice that Zorro21 has recently responded.

The majority thought here is for Zorro to take the initiative, stand up to her DH and sort this out herself . On the face of it that is of course what Zorro should do................. we all know that! However have you all thought of the reality of living in that situation? I imagine the attitude of her DH has gone on for many years and is not a one off incident. None of us are in a position to tell her what she should do ie - sort the hot water problem out herself. She has probably been under his influence for many years and when that happens the
victim is often unaware of the reality of the situation. People in that situation have been, ' brainwashed' over many years together accept it! So it is not simply a matter if being brave and
telling the husband to back off while she resolves the problem. Telling Zorro to do so is at worst dangerous and at best unproductive!!! Please stop and think before spouting your indignation at what is happening to Zorro.
Having said that honestly do not
know what the answer is but I do know Zorro is deserving of a little more understanding from GN.

Sorry, but I couldn’t cope with someone who gets angry over such ordinary domestic matters. He sounds as if he’s got an anger management issue and you bear the brunt of it. He needs help to deal with it, if that’s the case, it’s not normal that he should get uppity and angry if you call out a plumber or other service when needed. Does he like to be in total control of things, and decide when and if things need to be done? That’s not right in a partnership.

Zorro21 I'm glad you are OK.

Presumably this is partly the "downside" of having a (previously) DIY type husband.

My dad had a friend like this. He could do virtually all trades. He built their home and rebuilt a stone cottage. He got very cross as he got older and jobs he would previously have done easily involved a lot of squirming about low down or tall ladder work or fiddly manipulations.

I do hope you now have hot water once more.

And did the plumber help him?

So he's very angry now and not just angry.

If this is a real problem I'd suggest you do as they say on mumsnet.

Maybe I should have titled this question - "How to persuade your husband to agree to calling a plumber so we have hot water".

My apologies for that, because that's what I really meant. When I first moved in with him I called out British Gas over a boiler problem and he was very angry indeed. He was also in hospital fairly recently when the gas fire was emitting carbon monoxide. The alarm went off. I dealt with that.

Thank you for your interesting responses, in particular the private messages which were very caring.

What happened is that he went out Monday morning to a plumbers merchants, bought the parts (ballcock etc) and while in the shop a plumber in the queue kindly offered to come round the same day. The problem was in the loft, and needed someone agile to climb up a ladder.

I'm afraid I do have a husband who gets angry if someone else does this for him. I am quite capable of finding contractors, but I don't enjoy the confrontation which would inevitably occur.

TimelessRainbows

One possibility is that your husband may not be able to afford a plumber at the moment and does not wish to admit this to you.
Maybe if you found out which plumber was the cheapest and gently let him know going onto say that it is difficult for us both to be without hot water, where he might immediately reply with: Do you think I don't already know that. Don't respond and then see what happens, which might be not immediately if he can not afford those plumbing repairs.

Seriously ?
What a strange approach to sharing lives

One possibility is that your husband may not be able to afford a plumber at the moment and does not wish to admit this to you.
Maybe if you found out which plumber was the cheapest and gently let him know going onto say that it is difficult for us both to be without hot water, where he might immediately reply with: Do you think I don't already know that. Don't respond and then see what happens, which might be not immediately if he can not afford those plumbing repairs.

Oh dear OP hasn’t come back. I hope she’s okay.

Call a plumber yourself. Why wait for DH to pick up the phone?

My initial thought is that it may be something simple like a drop in water pressure in the boiler and it’s very simple to top up. I need to do mine every 12-18 months. Worth a try before paying for a plumber. You’ll find a demo on YouTube.

Same here, and I do ours.
However, I'm of the opinion that my husband needs to learn these things as well, so last time it happened I asked him to go into the loft and repressurise the boiler.
It still didn't work.
When I went to investigate, he'd turned the gas supply tap off instead 🙄

Zorro21

boheminan

Why can't you contact the plumber?

Because he would be angry.

Stop being a doormat it is your home and you decide what goes on in your home as well as he does, if he does nothing you do it, end of.

For goodness sake, it isn't a problem, contact a plumber yourself. We widows have to do everything ourselves.

Grannynannywanny

My initial thought is that it may be something simple like a drop in water pressure in the boiler and it’s very simple to top up. I need to do mine every 12-18 months. Worth a try before paying for a plumber. You’ll find a demo on YouTube.

However, if you can’t contact tradesmen without your husband becoming angry then it’s more than your boiler that’s a problem.

I agree GNW. If it's a combi-boiler like Vaillant look error codes like F75 or F22 and learn how easy the fixes are.