Should I start messaging instead of phoning?

Until recently DD lived in Dubai. She drove to work every day and phoned me while driving home. Much as I enjoyed talking to her it did take a big chunk out of my day as I'm often busy despite being retired. I never rang her as it was too costly for me. She often used WhatsApp to video call but I couldn't call her that way as she needed to use a VPN so needed to be at home. I got out of the habit of calling her and mostly messaged in the various WhatsApp groups.

In May she returned to the UK and is living 200 miles away. She now doesn't drive every day as she often uses public transport. I ended up calling her as I hadn't heard from her for over a week. I find WhatsApp great as we have family groups and get pictures and videos of the GC from DS and DiL who are also 200 miles away. I usually wait for them to video call me as I know they have a very busy life with both working and 2 small children.

When my mum was alive she only had a landline phone and we used to chat once a week. As she got older she started to forget whose turn it was to call and it would end up being me who always called her. We had an agreed time as I too mostly used my landline despite having a mobile. I only got a smart phone after her death and having a mobile phone contract has completely changed my phone use. Messaging to arrange a good time to chat is a good option too.

I hate speaking on the phone and texting is my go to means of communication. I see my DD every day and she sometimes phones me to see if I need anything bringing back . I also see my sons several times a month so no need for phone calls and I usually text my teenage grandchildren just occasionally.

Guilty as charged. I’m in my 70 s but hate phone chat & im much like your daughter . I don’t know why . Happy to stay in contact with what’s app.

Just chatted to a close friend on the phone for more than an hour and I'll be seeing her in a few days!

I think the art of having a good conversation may be dying- messaging just isn't the same.

It has its place, obviously, but can't replace the direct exchange of humour, empathy, accepting differing opinions and learning from other's experiences as well as finding plenty of common ground that helps form life-long bonds.

My GC are all of an age where we can have face to face conversations and we rarely speak over the phone, never by text. This I feel is a great grounding for them to accept differences and especially organic and nuanced discussion you just don't get any other way.

Yes, me and me mum did used to phone often and yes it did drive me nuts at times but I also valued the time we had to just be with each other on a one-to one basis when no one else was there. Precious really.

My mum and I spoke at least once a day and sometimes twice. I miss her so much now she is no longer here and wish my phone would ring to hear her voice again.

Go on What’s App as others have suggested.
I think your daughter will be very pleased if you do that seeing as she prefers texting too.

You can also send photos and videos if you wish.

So many responses and only one (I think) mentions a hearing problem. As a hearing aid wearer, any phone conversation is an absolute chore; OK, it's not as bad as it was now Bluetooth has come into the equation, but should anyone ring on the landline, forget it! WhatsApp is a complete game changer. We have a family one & believe me, everyone is in and out of it every day, and then there are sub-divisions of that main one. Photos are exchanged, worries discussed, recipes commented on, advice asked for (and freely given!!), it's a total joy! Loads of warmth and love flowing along whatever carries the messages, day after day. Sometimes there's even the odd one, late at night that says 'night, night, love you' followed by a heart emoji. I totally love it!

dogsmother

But with WhatsApp you can FaceTime and that is really lovely. A quick text to see if other one is free first otherwise it can be very intrusive.

This is my huge dislike I never have the camera on. I very rarely phone anyone. My best friend loves the phone and is on it all day. She phones but says very little then expects the person she phoned to keep her entertained for an hour or more. I always have to be very direct and say I am going now. She does the same when she visits unless I ask her to leave she will be here to midnight. It is very draining as much as I love her. I have known her for 57 Yeats and rarely get invited to her Manor, she says I can come any time but never invites me, I never phone anyone Emails, text, messenger , WhatsApp or messages I am happy with it all but phone calls can be intruding

Face time on a screen that you don’t have to hold and chat while you both get on with something else like dinner prep. We did this all the time during covid

We have a facetime phone call (Alexa) once a week. It lasts usually an hour and a half as my DH and I speak to her. It's lovely to see her and the dog as they live too far away to see them regularly. Of course we are flexible in what day it is as we know she has a busy life. In between we WhatsApp if there is anything we need to talk about. She's been away to uni and has lived away since but we have always managed a weekly call without fail. There is no doubt or worry then about when or if we will hear from her.

I think its really sad that people don't want to chat on the phone anymore and just want text messages. More and more people are becoming isolated and lonely.

I wish my mum was still alive so that I could talk to her on the phone.

What about a handwritten chatty letter?

Yes, the younger generations seem to have moved away from phone talks to the various forms of messaging, and it sometimes seems as if the etiquette is to message to ask permission to call! I think this has gone too far. A discussion is often more efficient that a series of ultimatums!

But I also have a few, usually older, friends/relatives who feel entitled to a regular phone call - and not a short one! And though I can often combine them with other productive activity, I do find myself running out of things to say!

Personal choice. I don't like chatting on phone,never have. We phone occassionaly but my family stay 10 mins away.

Text by all means, but don't expect to be told much of what is going on in her life!

My DD texts asking how I am and what I have been doing. I reply to her questions and ask in return how her day, or week has been and get a standard reply. Something along the lines of " everything is fine, thank you, darling´"

It is a generational thing, Obviously, they do not feel the need to tell us what is actually going on in their lives.

I think anyone in our generation feels snubbed - we feel they might as well reply Mind your own business, but I honestly do not think that is what they mean.

It has got me wondering, did we do they same? I wrote long letters to my mother every week, and told her most of what was actually going on in my life, and received similar letters from her.

What did you do`? Were we just a few who really wanted to know how the rest of the family was?

My daughter lives in Australia and we FaceTime once a week so I can see her and talk to her. We also WhatsApp through the week. It’s a good way to keep in touch.

Phoning costs money. Using FB Messenger is free. My family is over this week from Japan, staying nearby. We still message each other with arrangements rather than phone. You can also do an audio phone call on Messenger, and a Video call if you prefer. We talk and have conversations when we meet, or on Messenger( no limits like texting) and of course the same when they are in Japan. I think it works better… time to think about what you say!

I see my older daughter several times a week in school terms as I pick her and granddaughter up 3 or 4 times a week. In the holidays I only get a phone call if she wants/needs something. We WhatsApp for quick transfer of information. Younger daughter we mainly WhatsApp each other, only ring if I need an immediate response and the same from her.

As you don’t see your daughter that often, I think you should speak to her. My son always video calls me and always lovely to see him. I use messages for a quick question.

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WhatsApp is good and you know whether the message has been sent/received/read.

Maybe you could also occasionally WhatsApp video - maybe at the weekend - and have a more personal natter and a chance to show off that new dress or those shoes you've bought!!

The sound and reception is always brilliant (I wear Hearing Aids) and I always find it much better than just a phone call where I often struggle to hear what is being said.
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Personally, I prefer phones to text messaging.

However, everyone has their selective ways in which to communicate.

I do both ..

My daughter and I What'sApp each other fairly often but not every day. No instant response expected. We only speak on the phone if there is a problem or there is something that needs to be discussed in more detail. Our texts often carry messages of encouragement and support. We see each other once a week. I don't take any offence at all with texting. We have a very good relationship. She's a mum to a 12 year old and has a full time job. Speaking usually means having to stop what you're doing and I think parents these days just don't have the time.

keepingquiet

I messaged my daughter with difficult news, a few words and she messaged back with a few words.

If this is the future of communication then I really will be KeepingQuiet.

They say Silence is Golden though...

Well done you listening to DD Recently she told me that I am the only person she speaks to on the phone- she is far more used to texting

Many people dislike phone calls, she told you, you complied.

PamelaJ1

keepingquiet perhaps she will think about it and then respond more positively? Hope so.

Yes, I'll get the usual 20 minute call when she can fit me in. It's fine.

I usually FaceTime once a week and otherwise it’s WhatsApp all the way