Birthday present disappointment.

NotSpaghetti

I was surprised when you mentioned payment and that he said he "would be cheaper"- but I expect he'd always planned this as your secret gift. 😉

I would be truly delighted to have had the gift of a whole week of someone's time and effort lovingly given.

If I could choose between a week of gardening or a gift... I would not choose the gift!

Well yes he was certainly cheaper and he probably did plan it is a gift but didn't want to spoil the surprise.

I think it is a wonderful present, so much effort to make something special for OP. I'd love it.

My husband is disabled so could never do something like that for me, if I'm ill and he manages to make me some toast and tea it is special because it is hard for him. I feel quite envious.

I have a feeling this relationship is on the skids.

He gave you a gift! Your garden! Go out and enjoy it... a lovely garden is a gift that will keep on giving long after chocolate and wine has gone.

I agree that if I was your partner I would just throw you some supermaket flowers next year... if he's still around.

I ll have him for Christmas if everyone’s ok with that 🤣

I'm with everyone else, given the choice of a gift or a weeks gardening the garden would win hands down. To give up precious leisure time is a gift worth it's weight in gold.

BlueBelle

I ll have him for Christmas if everyone’s ok with that 🤣

Bagsy him till Christmas then. 😬

Whitewavemark2

Blimey! I would have bitten his hand off. I think it was a thoughtful and kind and expensive! Gift.

My feelings exactly.

Can you imagine him on a men’s forum “ I ve just spent a week clearing out my partners garden nearly did my back in, it would have cost her a bomb to have a man come in to do it I gave it to her for a birthday present with all my love gone into my work and she said she d have rather have had a bottle of perfume, well she can have a card for Christmas”
🤣🤣🤣

I would be buying my partner presents to thank him for all the work he had done for me. Taaken him out for a slap up meal, taken him somewhere he wanted to go.

Talk about looking the gift horse in the mouth!

I think he might have struggled to think of something OP wanted and thought that sorting out her garden was a good present - it's the thought that counts, after all.

However, I think if it had been me I'd have appreciated a bunch of flowers on the day together with the card and message about the garden.

BlueBelle

I ll have him for Christmas if everyone’s ok with that 🤣

PMSL 😂

I got a Japanese Washloo for my birthday this year. I didn’t ask for one.
My partner fitted one for our daughter and thought i know, Petra would love one of these

I hope you can see the wash symbols. It’s hilarious 🤣 look at rear wash and front wash. It can even give you a mini enema.

I would definitely have chosen the gardening option rather than a gift. Men often struggle when choosing presents for their partners, so a practical solution was the obvious choice.

I could not believe you were serious when I read your post. What a wonderful present from someone who doesn’t even live with you. He obviously said he could do it for less to keep the surprise element. What a very lucky lady you are! What a treasure he is! A really sensible gift.

Firstly, I’ve got to say, I know a lot of people who take birthdays/anniversaries etc very seriously. I’m glad DH and I were on the same page and didn’t! Lots to consider in the OP too - partners, so more than gf/bf, but no mention of ages. Did he take time off work to tackle this job? Is he retired? What’s his track record with gifts? Does he struggle to find things? Generous in spirit and deed, or a cheapskate who could but won’t spend money? There’s often advice here to offer one’s time to others, rather than present gifts which will end up in charity shops.
From another thread, gardeners are charging from £25 to £50 an hour, so think how much money was saved.
Like others, I think he’s done a grand job and should be thanked - even rewarded by a meal out, or small gift - new gardening gloves or handcream.

In the ‘70’s, DH’s BiL bought his wife a brand new car for Christmas. A pale green, Vauxhall Chevette, adorned with an enormous bow, secreted in the garage on 🎄Eve. ‘Til the day she died, MinL complained that he hadn’t even ‘left a box of chocolates inside!’

You can’t please all the people all the time.

A lot of judgement here! When someone says " i felt hurt because of x' IMO it is totally unhelpful to reply with ' oh I wouldn't have been hurt, don't be selfish/ ungrateful/ demanding/ petty.
Presents and birthday gifts are incredibly personal and loaded with meaning. Often only understood from inside the relationship.

An example. I hate chyrysanthemums.. my DH knows that. Anytime he has bought me a bunch of chrysanths from a garage forecourt, I feel irritated. My friends think I should be grateful.....you GNetters might think I shouldn't be so picky.
But it's all in the nuance isnt it? What it means in the context of the relationship.

Well some people are clearly never satisfied.
A weeks worth of hard work to create something beautiful or a box of choccies?
No contest it seems

It's all very well for you to criticise the replies Franski, but we are asked in the OP what we would prefer.
Incidentally, where is Shortbread?

I think that someone spending a long time working in my garden, when it's not even his, is a very personal present.

I’d have been glad of the gardening, but if you wanted a “gift” I can see why you’re upset.
A week’s gardening would have cost you a lot, woukd you have been any happier if he’d bought you a present and handed you the bill for his work?

I don't understand your attitude, I'd be thrilled. Lovely gift.

Franski - your chrysanthemum gift is totally different.
I don't like meat so wouldn't want a gift of a meal in a steakhouse!
The OP DID want her garden done....

but obviously not as a gift!

Point taken Gramaretto

You have the rest of the summer to enjoy your birthday gift Shortbreadandkilts.

I’ve got a house full of presents that I’ve received over the years that are not quite what I would have wanted. And I’m sure I’ve given things to other people that have just found their way to charity shops. I always give my son money with which he pays for membership of somewhere he can take the family throughout the year. My partner is a nightmare to buy presents for. I wish we could have a presents amnesty. I do get upset if I don’t get a card from my family, though.

I think that this is quite sad and I'm convinced that whatever he did/bought/arranged, the OP was likely to be disappointed. Maybe says a lot more about the relationship?

Someone who cared about me enough to devote his time and effort into transforming my garden - as a gift ? Well, what a star !!

Georgesgran's wonderful story about the Vauxhall Chevette isn't so different, is it?

And Petra, lucky you - because if you PMSL, then your Partner's choice couldn't be more thoughtful. 🤭
😉

BlueBelle

Gramaratto poster doesn’t say he s her partner she says he’s her boyfriend in my eyes there’s a difference a partner is a step up from a boyfriend They don’t live together it’s not his house or his garden we don’t know how new the relationship is !
No I wouldn’t expect to pay a ‘live in’ partner (who was using snd enjoying my garden) for a job but a ‘live in his own house boyfriend’ yes I probably would expect to for a very big job like that, obviously not for changing a light bulb 🤣

Read the post again, she says he’s her partner and also that they don’t live together, it is why I thought it odd that he would expect payment.

Having married a non-gardener and having always loved my garden and am now struggling I would have bitten his arm off for this. I think it is extremely romantic. I hope you didn't show your disappointment after all that hard work.