Why no Friends

Jackiest

I avoid women only groups as I find they are often very cliquey and although you can join you will never be friends. Mixed groups tend to be more welcoming and easier to make friends both male and female.

National Women's Register is most certainly not cliquey.
I've made very good friends through the group I attend, near Oxford.
It's definitely the best type of group, mixed or otherwise, that I have ever belonged to.

I agree, Aldom. I'm in the NWR too, and it's far from cliquey.

I have often found that people who don't like (or sneer at) other women have few female friends. It's a strange coincidence, isn't it?

I have several good friends, but no close friends. I have made friends through church, u3a and choirs, but it is actually quite rare to meet up outside of the activity.
I’ve just been on an activity-focused weekend, but there were times when I was left on my own. Everyone else was in conversations. I’m not sure why. It is hard to get to the ‘ next level’ somehow.
I hope your new plan works for you, Denise14.

Madmeg your story made me sad for you. It's horrid to feel sidelined but on the other hand those cliques would be full of not very nice people so you are well out of it.

I hope that by taking a back seat things will improve for you Denise

Yes it’s a tricky one with clubs and so on to make friends. Specially in recent years I believe

I think this is an age thing. As we get older people don’t seem to want to meet up making excuses at the last minute. I’m due to retire have three sons and like a poster said sometimes we’re flavour of the month other times nothing.

Yes, I agree with Harris27, that older people are less likely to cultivate new friends. Although I did have one friend I met at a yoga class but over several years she never reciproated anything. I began to feel resentful thar I always arranged trips out and got tickets etc. etc. so eventually I gave up and felt better for doing so!
I made 2 friends in my neighbourhood when walking our dogs. I offered to look after their dogs when the owners went on holiday and friendships developed slowly.

Welcome to Gransnet .
Having friends is important - most of us are social creatures .

I have a wide circle of friends of different creeds and colours - this doesn't go well with some of my neighbours . Neither do they like my political views so I'm not very popular where I live .
I'm just polite to them .
It's taken me about two years to be accepted by my church group .
I've gone out three days running and chatted to friends in cafes - the house is a tip and I feel exhausted !
Most of my friends are younger ,
still working and fitter than me .
I have days when I feel like being quiet and get pressurised into going to clubs and meetings.

In my experience , it takes time to be accepted in an area - don't expect too much of people .
Maybe you aren't moving in the right circles - just try different activities .
Wishing you luck .

Are you a listener? Without interupting people a lot?
That seems to make people gravitate, in my opinion.

Also where you live seems to make a difference.
Different areas seem to be different to each other.

I have a handful of female friends, most of whom I have known since I was a teenager. I can’t say I’ve made any real friends in the last 30 years. I’ve joined various groups, but find so many women just want to bang on about themselves, their children, their grandchildren, their husbands, their holidays, their health, their diets, their houses etc, and I just don’t want my ears filled with their crap.

Dempie55

I have a handful of female friends, most of whom I have known since I was a teenager. I can’t say I’ve made any real friends in the last 30 years. I’ve joined various groups, but find so many women just want to bang on about themselves, their children, their grandchildren, their husbands, their holidays, their health, their diets, their houses etc, and I just don’t want my ears filled with their crap.

Agree Dempie....but what are you preferred conversations?

Most people want to talk about themselves.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Are you interested in local politics? If you support any of the local parties, you would be welcomed if you were able to give time for campaigning or helping to organise fundraising events. It's always very companionable and you meet people of all sorts of ages and backgrounds.
I'm not saying you'll find a new best friend, but you woud be doing something with a purpose and meeting like-minded people who value your input.

I can also recommend joining the NWR.
There are groups in most areas and I can confirm, as others have said, that they are not at all cliquey but very friendly and welcoming.
Do an internet search for your nearest group and contact the group leader. You can attend a couple of meetings first before joining. I’m certain that you won’t regret it.

Which county do you live in?

I’m not sure the gym is the best place to make friends. Those who are friends may have joined the gym together, but isn’t gym activity a solo affair? Might be better to join a group activity at the gym if they run them eg aqua class, Zumba etc . Unless it’s a high-intensity group, much of the friendship will blossom from the shared experience.

Another thumbs up for NWR I joined a local start up group in my village. Definitely not cliquey, apart from the two organisers none of us knew each other and its a good way to meet women locally. It's good to hear other positive experiences here, I hadn't heard of them before I joined, they advertised in a local through the door magazine. I have enjoyed being a member.

I decided to learn to play bridge and have made some really lovely acquaintances and friends that way. It seems to be something that slowly evolves from seeing the same people on a weekly basis doing an activity. I am also thinking of getting a puppy, most dog walkers stop to chat. I do have a few good friends as well that .i have known for years. I read a good piece of advice that said just think ‘let them’ and walk away. Seems a good approach to life!

Ziggy62

I don't have an answer sadly but feel the same

I moved 10 years ago and don't have any real friends here.

An old friend of 30 years sent me a birthday card and a WhatsApp message last week. We live a plane ride away but used to meet a couple of times a year. Haven't seen each other for almost 3 years, so I suggested we make plans to meet up.
That was a week ago, no response, I've given up

It's very sad. Are people busy with their own families, grandchildren? Did people change during covid? I truly don't know
When my first husband died in 2007 I had so many friends and so much support. If my current husband dies I won't have anyone to take me to his funeral

Not all comments require an answer Ziggy62. Your friend may have thought your suggestion was something to think about rather than something requiring an immediate reply.

I think the change is generational. Rather than covid driven, I think it's use of the email, etc., driven. My children (very adult now) have trained me to understand not all comments need a reply and I've found the thumbs-up sign really useful. It tells people I've read and understood the post.

Your friend may have decided not to discuss your suggestion at the moment but may still have read it and taken it on board.

Possibly

Terribul I'm so pleased to hear that you enjoy NWR, and others on GN too.
NWR was originally known as Housewives Register. I belonged to a Chester group in the 1960's.
I've been a member of the Oxfordshire group for seven years.
I'm moving area soon and have been welcomed by a Shropshire NWR local organiser. It's a wonderful organisation.

Sometimes the people who are slightly aloof seem more interesting. I’d suggest joining groups, dressing well, smiling a lot, don’t ask people questions and wait and see. I bet you’ll find people become interested in you.

Yes thank you Aldom it has been a real find, and the nicest thing about the group, they are welcoming, it's not cliquey and the discussions are varied. I would really recommend this organisation to the OP. We moved here about 4 years ago so I regard myself as a relative newcomer. Not knowing anyone local, I've retained friends from school and a work colleague, and one from ante natal group, but those are a few miles away. My meet ups with NWR are fairly frequent, generally at the pub can be daytime or evening. The two women who started our group were from a larger one in our town a couple of miles away, they were going to just get this one up and running initially but enjoy it so much they're staying with it which is good for us as they have the experience to make it enjoyable as well as suggestions for future events. So far we have a book group up and running, plus several interesting local walks. It's good to meet others who have been in the area a while because they tend to have all sorts of local knowledge which comes in useful. We get quite a few local and church parish magazines that come through the door and they can contain quite a lot about local events/groups/issues so I do look at those. I don't remember getting these local publications frequently when I lived in London.

Good luck with your move and joining a prospective new NWR group Aldom.

I had a look and there are no NWR near me.
I’ve volunteered a lot in the past and more recently.
I can’t knit,sew, paint, sing. I have no creative talents.

But I’ll keep trying. X

Aldom

Terribul I'm so pleased to hear that you enjoy NWR, and others on GN too.
NWR was originally known as Housewives Register. I belonged to a Chester group in the 1960's.
I've been a member of the Oxfordshire group for seven years.
I'm moving area soon and have been welcomed by a Shropshire NWR local organiser. It's a wonderful organisation.

I joined the Housewive's Register very many years ago then we moved and I felt very isolated as there didn't seem to be such groups in the new area; as I was young I could immerse myself in the DC's school and nursery activities.

When we moved again, I joined Townswomen's Guild, but sadly, that organisation is folding after nearly 100 years, although local groups may continue independently.
The WI can offer friendship, activities etc depending on the group and, of course, there is the U3A.
Offering to be on the Committee after a while is often welcomed too!

I have been to a couple of NWR meetings which are held in each others' houses but wasn't so keen. They all seemed to be ultra-confident, taking it in turns to research and present worthy topics for discussion at each meeting.

I remember an older 'friend' in her 80s whom I met at art classes saying that she only seemed to have 'friendly acquaintances' not any more true friends as they'd all died or were ill, and sometimes I wonder if I'm reaching that stage.

Don't try too hard is my advice. Another is - always volunteer to make the teas and coffees at meetings! You'll become very popular 🙂