Very disrespectful 8 years old granddaughter.

If this child behaved like this at school she would be reproved and it would be made clear that this sort of behaviour is not acceptable. I think the poster is sensibly behaving in that way, not responding to unpleasant taunts or demand but simply making it clear her behaviour is not acceptable.
She may be upset by her parents' divorce or she may be perfectly happy with the situation but playing for extra attention; either way what she needs are clear boundaries for stability which she is receiving from her grandparents.

Parents often refuse to accept that divorce does have an impact on children because outwardly they accept the situation over which they have no control, but it can manifest itself in uncharacteristic behaviour, which generally passes after a period as their world settles. Very sad though.

Your granddaughter sounds as though she doesn’t have any secure attachments to her care givers. As such she’s not learned how to be kind or empathetic.

Her father travels for work and you take his parenting time. Her mother travels for weeks at a time. It sounds as though she doesn’t know where she belongs.

Try not to let her attitude hurt you. Correct her when necessary, but not harshly.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this

I’m afraid I’m with posters who remember a very similar post and wonder if vargirl83 is a genuine new poster.

If you are vargirl, I’ll make similar points to those I made to the other gran, struggling with a rather challenging eight year old. 8 is a not much written about difficult transitional age. Not primary but junior school age, not a teenager but lots of emotional. Psychological and physical changes. As others have said, some neurodiverse issues become more obvious.

These children need sensitive, calm and consistent boundaries. As Norah wisely posted. Give grace, it’s free and so important

Today was a different story. I hurt my shoulder lifting a heavy bag and her reaction was to laugh and pretend to kick me. She then said "when you die I won't go to your funerals".

That is not a normal sort of comment fromman 8 year old. My response would be to say "Oh. Well that's up to you as is choosing to be unkind. But I dont have to put up with it" and walk away. When she wants something to eat or whatever give her something but dont engage overly. It's a slightly different strategy but it might work if you are consistent. But also dont be unkind to her dont over react etc

Poppyred

What is ASD??

ASD is Autistic Spectrum Disorder.

Oh goodness, my turn now. Not - "thank you for your helpful post, worth a thought".

🤔

Wow
🤔 sounds even more familiar now!

Allira

BlueBelle

Thanks Doodlebug
I certainly wasn’t accusing anyone of lying I was just wondering as I had read a very similar story previously on GN and anyone who has been on here a while will know we do get a fair amount of posts that arent as they seem
At least four other posters were querying the post so why pick me and Nana8 out
It certainly wasn’t meant to be rude in any way
You come across as very fiesta for a new poster Perhaps it’s the stress you re going through getting to you
I ll leave you to it and hope things improve for you

nanna8 and Bluebelle
Yes, you are not the only ones to feel that there is a familiar tone to the sad tale and I thought, too, that the poster had asked for advice previously.

If you are new, Vargirl183, your attack was uncalled for.

Perhaps, if your DGD is so rude to you, you might consider what is happening in her world to make her change like that? Your feelings are secondary.

Saying "sorry but this doesn't ring true" is not accusing someone of lying? Wow! I didn't mean to come across as rude. I was shocked to be accused of lying when it is my first time ever asking for advice anywhere on the internet. I always keep my problems to myself but my granddaughter is important to me and I was desperate enough to see if other people had come across this sort of problem/behaviour. This definitely will be my last time. I thank all the ladies who tried to help.

Ah well, we are all different, aren't we? If you'd read around a bit you would realise that. This is why most people join in with a community before asking for help - it gives them a feel for what to expect.

People don't like to be called 'twisted' in any circumstances I'm aware of, though.

Doodledog

With all due respect, when someone only posts because they want help and advice, mainly after lurking (ie using the rest of us for entertainment without giving back) it is not unreasonable for people to wonder if they are genuine or not. Both nanna8 and BlueBelle are long-standing members of GN with many posts under their belts, and asking ‘who are you to comment?’, and calling their remarks ’twisted’ is extremely rude. Most people join in and contribute before expecting others to advise them - it’s only polite, and isn’t that what most people of our generation were brought up to do?

At face value, this situation is about a distressed child, not about the feelings of her grandmother, who has the option of not making it about her, but instead trying to understand and help an eight year old.

We do get a lot of deliberately hurtful posts on here from newcomers who clearly dislike older people, so it’s reasonable to question, is it not? What was it Lear said about being old before growing wise?

After lurking? Using you for entertainment? How was I lurking and using people? Until a week ago I didn't know this website existed. I came across it and saw some threads where people were asking for advice so I thought I'd do the same. And yes the last thing I was expecting was to be accused of lying. I find it twisted to accuse people out of the blue. It would never cross my mind. My granddaughter does not show any sign of being distressed. She is generally a very happy little girl totally doted on. My posts are not about me if you had really read them but about trying to understand my granddaughter who I love dearly. As stated on one of my posts, I will not give up on her. Not to worry. I will not post here ever again. Never in a million years would have I thought that a genuine call for thoughts and feedback would generate accusation.

I'm not in favour of children waiting - only eating at certain meal times. I prefer high protein, vegetables, nuts, fruits when hungry. I believe protein to be good - calming to children. No studies, I just believe.

I agree, as long as it doesn't spoil their appetites for a main meal. If their blood sugar dips, they can become grumpy.

The little girl probably doesn't know why she is like this. Best nit to quiz her, as she doesn't know herself.

Not wishing to worry you, Vargirl, but has she been checked for diabetes? It's worth a thought as it can cause aggression and mood swings amongst other symptoms.

Vargirl83

Again thank you everyone for the feedback and your thoughts. I am grateful for all your comments. I wanted to make sure I was not overreacting. I am at a loss. Is it ASD, is it just her pushing me to see how far she can go? But why me? I know my son had to punish her recently because she would not take no for an answer from anyone and damaged someone's belongings. This weekend started ok. No issue Friday evening or Saturday. We went to the pool and then her favourite playground. Today was a different story. I hurt my shoulder lifting a heavy bag and her reaction was to laugh and pretend to kick me. She then said "when you die I won't go to your funerals". I don't know what to say. This is not a thought that would have even crossed my mind about anyone when I was her age. I was lost for words so I decided to ignore her. She started to follow me around the house and grab my dress and try to pull me. Obviously she wanted a reaction which I did not give her. Later on while I was making dinner she came to find me and said she wanted to set the table. Her mood seemed to be very mellow so I seized the opportunity to ask her why she said these things today. She replied "I don't know". I left it at that. I am hoping it is a phase for whatever reason. Again I cannot tell my son about it yet because he is been through hell and back with his divorce and has a very demanding, stressful job. I cannot tell my ex-daughter in law because I don't want this to be an excuse for preventing us to spend time with our granddaughter. I am not ready to give up yet. My husband and I have tried everything: reasoning, explaining, consequences, you name it. It doesn't seem to work. I did ask her what happens when she gets in trouble with mummy and she said she gets time out and mummy tells her she is very disappointed with her. Again, thank you ladies. You gave me food for thought.

Perhaps continue to ignore her bad behaviour and praise when she is appropriate. I'd not tell a child I was disappointed with them, however I do say "we need a moment to of calm time" and provide a protein snack.

I'm not in favour of children waiting - only eating at certain meal times. I prefer high protein, vegetables, nuts, fruits when hungry. I believe protein to be good - calming to children. No studies, I just believe.

Two of our grandchildren's father died (our sil). They were a bit older than your granddaughter, they had a very difficult time, they were not always pleasant. We were calm, steady and pleasant.

Be there for her lovingly, give grace. Grace is free.

BlueBelle

Thanks Doodlebug
I certainly wasn’t accusing anyone of lying I was just wondering as I had read a very similar story previously on GN and anyone who has been on here a while will know we do get a fair amount of posts that arent as they seem
At least four other posters were querying the post so why pick me and Nana8 out
It certainly wasn’t meant to be rude in any way
You come across as very fiesta for a new poster Perhaps it’s the stress you re going through getting to you
I ll leave you to it and hope things improve for you

nanna8 and Bluebelle
Yes, you are not the only ones to feel that there is a familiar tone to the sad tale and I thought, too, that the poster had asked for advice previously.

If you are new, Vargirl183, your attack was uncalled for.

Perhaps, if your DGD is so rude to you, you might consider what is happening in her world to make her change like that? Your feelings are secondary.

Thanks Doodlebug
I certainly wasn’t accusing anyone of lying I was just wondering as I had read a very similar story previously on GN and anyone who has been on here a while will know we do get a fair amount of posts that arent as they seem
At least four other posters were querying the post so why pick me and Nana8 out
It certainly wasn’t meant to be rude in any way
You come across as very fiesta for a new poster Perhaps it’s the stress you re going through getting to you
I ll leave you to it and hope things improve for you

With all due respect, when someone only posts because they want help and advice, mainly after lurking (ie using the rest of us for entertainment without giving back) it is not unreasonable for people to wonder if they are genuine or not. Both nanna8 and BlueBelle are long-standing members of GN with many posts under their belts, and asking ‘who are you to comment?’, and calling their remarks ’twisted’ is extremely rude. Most people join in and contribute before expecting others to advise them - it’s only polite, and isn’t that what most people of our generation were brought up to do?

At face value, this situation is about a distressed child, not about the feelings of her grandmother, who has the option of not making it about her, but instead trying to understand and help an eight year old.

We do get a lot of deliberately hurtful posts on here from newcomers who clearly dislike older people, so it’s reasonable to question, is it not? What was it Lear said about being old before growing wise?

crazyH

Welcome Vargirl183. It’s a difficult situation - perhaps it’s just a phase she’s going through.
You’re in America, aren’t you? The word ‘gotten’ gives it away. Welcome all the same ….

@crazyH, yes I live in Canada but funnily enough I did live in the UK for a long time too. Thank you for your welcome.

Again thank you everyone for the feedback and your thoughts. I am grateful for all your comments. I wanted to make sure I was not overreacting. I am at a loss. Is it ASD, is it just her pushing me to see how far she can go? But why me? I know my son had to punish her recently because she would not take no for an answer from anyone and damaged someone's belongings. This weekend started ok. No issue Friday evening or Saturday. We went to the pool and then her favourite playground. Today was a different story. I hurt my shoulder lifting a heavy bag and her reaction was to laugh and pretend to kick me. She then said "when you die I won't go to your funerals". I don't know what to say. This is not a thought that would have even crossed my mind about anyone when I was her age. I was lost for words so I decided to ignore her. She started to follow me around the house and grab my dress and try to pull me. Obviously she wanted a reaction which I did not give her. Later on while I was making dinner she came to find me and said she wanted to set the table. Her mood seemed to be very mellow so I seized the opportunity to ask her why she said these things today. She replied "I don't know". I left it at that. I am hoping it is a phase for whatever reason. Again I cannot tell my son about it yet because he is been through hell and back with his divorce and has a very demanding, stressful job. I cannot tell my ex-daughter in law because I don't want this to be an excuse for preventing us to spend time with our granddaughter. I am not ready to give up yet. My husband and I have tried everything: reasoning, explaining, consequences, you name it. It doesn't seem to work. I did ask her what happens when she gets in trouble with mummy and she said she gets time out and mummy tells her she is very disappointed with her. Again, thank you ladies. You gave me food for thought.

@nanna8 and @BlueBelle. Who are you to accuse people you absolutely do not know of lying? What twisted mind you must have. Why on earth would I waste my time posting a story on a forum? What does that achieve? Your reaction says a lot about your character. Thx for the empathy anyway. Hopefully you will never be in need of the help or kindness of strangers.

@Cabbie21. It is her father, my son, who has to be away often because of the nature of his work. When he is with her though, he is with her 100%. She lives with her mum and her new boyfriend. She never ever talks about them though. I did try to be humourous but that didn't work. she has an answer for everything Another time, I tried to give her some perspective and told her "you know one day you too will not be so young anymore, how would you like it if your grandchildren talked to you this way ', to which she replied she will not have children or grandchildren so they won't be able to tell her she is old.

@Granmarderby10 - Thank you. I was shocked to see 2 of the users accusing me of lying. To what end? It is my first time on a forum ever because obviously the situation is very upsetting to me and I needed to hear unbiased, objective feedback. I hope you are right and jut like for you, this situation will resolve itself as quickly as it started.

Deedaa

It gets to sound like a cliche, but this sounds like ASD to me. She's the age where it starts to kick in. The lack of filter and saying exactly what she thinks sounds very familiar. How is her behaviour at school?

Why does everything have to be pathologised?

Perhaps a little redirecting and reminders about manners and feelings might help.

It seems to me this child perhaps has everyone indulging her and nobody really correcting her. You say her mother goes away for a few weeks. Is this her reaction? I think she may be hurt and is lashing out.
At her age she has not yet learnt that it is not wise to say just what you are thinking without considering other people’s feelings. A humorous retort may be what she needs.
Of course there may be more to it.

Might have this wrong but: “as you are now,I once was
-as I am now, you too will be” 😊

Of course you cannot put an old head on young shoulders.

I'd tell her ''So I'm old and ugly, am I? Let me tell you something about where I come from. I'm from the past, which makes YOU me in the future!''

Then I'd walk off, leaving her to cry and tantrum!

Agreed Grandmaderby and it's very unwelcoming for new users. Also users don't seem to know you can search gransnet by using Google, just enter your search parameters and gransnet.

Agreed Grandmaderby