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OnLine dating: finding friends and problems there of

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lainieb56 Mon 13-Oct-25 17:48:01

I joined FB dating a few months ago, with some other people I knew from a meet up group I go to, just for fun, as they say. and met an older person (7 years than me, and i am 69), and we got on famously online, chatting about this and that, so we decided to meet for coffee, and thats where the story shifts. seems we are fabulous ad friends online, but absolute rubbish at one to ones. He was really lovely and treated me to a wonderful, and expensive birthday meal, but when i went shopping with him he was angry, and almost abusive. and I couldt take that, (previous history I suppose)so told him thank but no thanks.
BUT
we have started chatting online again and hes so funny and we talk about our lives etc, so why is it i ask, that we cant be like it when we meet up?
He has had his problems, hes gone thru cancer,therapy and not the best health wise, and I accept that, and understand his problems
but I cant understand how we can be great mates online but not in real life?
am I trying too hard?
or should I put it to rest?
am I at fault?

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keepingquiet Mon 13-Oct-25 21:16:33

What an interesting post!

I will just answer your final questions here:

In some ways it doesn't surprise me too much. I think we all tend to have on-line personas that don't quite much up to the people we really are.

Are you trying too hard to do what? Be someone else maybe- a better version of you? Maybe that's what your friend is trying to do too. I think you should just be honest with him.

Whether you put it to rest so to speak depends on how honest you can be, and whether he agrees with you or not. If he accepts he isn't the person he pretends to be on-line then fair enough, but you may as well converse with a robot if all you want is someone you can like.

No, you are not at fault and don't put yourself through some false guilt. You put that he was almost abusive? Who wants that?

Either keep to chatting on-line or meeting for coffee but certainly don't go shopping with him!

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PaynesGrey Tue 14-Oct-25 14:54:56

The anger is a huge red flag.

Odds on he’s hiding something, probably a wife or a long-term partner or playing the field. He can only keep the mask on for so long before his own guilt and self-loathing about what he’s doing comes to the fore.

Don’t make excuses for him or blame yourself for his poor behaviour. This has no future. Shut it down.

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