Ruby wedding anniversary

Theworriedwell - are you always so snippy? The response to Sago wasn’t nice and wasn’t deserved.

She was snippy to me, if you can't take it don't dish it out.

eazybee

The thing that struck me was that he got out at the pub and left you to empty the car, struggle in the pouring rain with suitcases, unpack, and no doubt do the washing, while he got drunk.
Crass.
You have to address it.

Absolutely! I would have been livid, (not that my lovely husband would have dreamt of doing that, even if it hadn’t been raining). Not just my good luck, just his common decency.
Not my business I know, but I think a serious look at your marriage is called for. What he did was thoughtless, unkind and downright nasty. How can he live with himself? You have my sympathy!

theworriedwell

She was snippy to me, if you can't take it don't dish it out.

No, she wasn’t!

Oh are you the judge of that? Did you apply for the position or did you just decide that you'd take up the post?

She directed the comments to me not you and it was snippy.

As it clearly makes you happy to think that, I shall leave you to it! I used to look out for your posts - they were interesting and you seemed nice. Something changed.

Poor you - this didn’t go as you hoped did it? You’d made a big emotional investment but perhaps there were indications beforehand that things might not be great?

It sounds like DH wasn’t in the mood for the trip. I don’t get the sense that he was much involved in the planning? Problems with his own dad plus post-retirement issues might be making him feel that it’s all downhill from now on. And a rainy trip to Scotland might not have improved matters.

Could you have gone to the pub with him? More fun than unpacking surely and a better way to spend the remainder of your anniversary? Perhaps the cases could have waited?

I get that you are disappointed, but you have a chance to recover things on the next trip. Chin up - put this down to experience and have a lovely time together in Marrakesh. Perhaps some good quality ‘couple’ time will help him look forwards more positively?

Poppy red so sorry you have lost your husband x thinking of you x

Poppyred

My husband died very suddenly 5 weeks ago leaving many things unsaid. Wish we had talked more…….🥹

Sad for you.

Men are not that good at talking generally so think about the little things you and he did that did not need words.

I might well have either left the unpacking, or just done my own and left his. He is taking you for granted. Go out for a coffee with friends and stay out for hours, especially if he is expecting you to make a meal.

Last update. Thank you all again for bothering to respond, it’s good to hear other perspectives certainly plenty of things to think about.
He’s not a mean or inconsiderate man generally - he told me to leave the cases till he got back and he’d sort them but I wanted to get the washing on and sort things out as I was back at work on Monday so I was being unfair to criticise him about that.

He goes out once or twice a week to a small local pub where he meets several of his friends. He likes a drink but very rarely gets drunk. He is a keen photographer and spends time out doing that then time on his computer editing. His life is quite full without being overwhelmed usually but at the moment he’s not happy.
The situation with his dad is getting worse and it’s definitely causing him stress and worry but he’s not doing it alone - he has me and our daughter helping too. He’s angry with his step mother and step sister but that’s a whole other story.
The bottom line is that he’s finding things difficult at the moment and he has nowhere else to vent his anger and frustration other than on me. He offloads often so hasn’t any problems with talking about his feelings but he does have a problem with allowing things to become big issues rather than letting them go.
I had hoped our trip to Scotland would have helped him relax despite the weather - we were staying at a 5* hotel resort in a large lodge so there was no pressure to do anything but relax but clearly he wasn’t in the right mood to do that.
We went out to eat last night but it wasn’t a great success but again he offloaded about his dad so it wasn’t much fun.
I’m over it all now and won’t be making any plans for future anniversary milestones and I’ll continue to be as supportive as I can be and hope that he will find a way to deal with his dad.
Thanks again for listening and offering advice

Harris27

Poppy red so sorry you have lost your husband x thinking of you x

Thank you.