Advice re: adult son possibly straying from marriage of 20 years
This is my first post on Gransnet and I am not sure if this is the correct place to be writing about this but I've decided to give it a go. My son (46M) and his wife (45F) have been married for 20 years, and have two children. Both girls (14 and 13 years old). I have always gotten the sense they are perfectly suited for one another. He is a quiet person, she is more vibrant. He is a creative, she is more practical. They fill in each other's gaps.
Since my DH's death, I have been living with them. I try not to intrude or make a nuisance of myself, seeing as I can do most things on my own (besides driving, which both my son and DIL take upon them when they can), but it has been a blessing to be around my grandchildren, watching them flourish and grow into bright, beautiful young women. Caring, too.
Now, my son is the kind of person who has always been hard to get a read on, certainly compared to his brothers. But... I'm his mother, and I know my child. I KNOW something is off. I first noticed around two months ago that he has been working more, hours and hours over-time. Nothing all that unusual, as he is a dedicated and serious person to begin with, but I think he has been using that as an excuse to avoid coming home. He was always the kind of man to race home at 5pm on the dot to see his girls, but now he is home at 8, 9, sometimes 10pm. I have asked him why, and he just says that "work has been hectic." DIL has spoken with me about it, as well, and seems unconcerned. I feel she would confide in me, as her and I have a good, warm relationship. I trust her with all that I have, and I would wager she trusts me in the same way.
The working late, that isn't what makes me most worried. It's the fact that he is being very secretive about certain things. A package arrived at their home about a week or two ago, addressed to him from a company that sells women's jewellery (I Googled the name on the box). I walked in on him with it in his hands, and he got visibly nervous, fumbled with it, and quickly tucked the box away inside his work-bag. I figured he had bought something for DIL as a surprise and that was the end of that. Another thing that has kind of fallen into place is his phone. He was always the type to leave it lying around carelessly, but now it is always in his pocket, screen-down on the table. He takes it with him wherever he goes now, even to the bathroom, and more than once have I watched him quickly turn it away or exit out of an app of some kind as I've walked into a room.
I know that these things could be completely innocent. To be completely honest, I didn't think about all of that much until this past Monday, when I went into the kitchen late at night to get a glass of water and heard him on the telephone with someone. Everyone in the house was asleep, so I suppose he thought he thought he had a moment of privacy. Now I couldn't hear the person on the other end of the line, only my son's replies. This is what I remember: "I am sorry for putting you through this", "I promise you that everything is going to be fine", "I can't explain everything now, but soon, I promise", "I love you too", "No, no, don't cry." He said something about or to a dog, too, I suspect, a "good girl". I didn't linger, I left as quietly as I could. I have been in a state of shock since then, and feel like I am living with a ghost. I have not felt this terrible since my husband was diagnosed, just sitting on this piece of information that may or may not mean anything at all, but terrifies me. It is eating me up inside.
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