Paternity leave to be financed

Mine went straight back to work the instant the babies were born. In the case of no.1, he had postponed his job in Jersey until the birth. I came out of hospital on the Friday, he left on the Sunday! He managed to come home (sea fog permitting)at weekends.
My parents came to help, but my father (already difficult) made life almost impossible and I was delighted they left after week. My other two were born in Jersey, parents ditto…
No, life wasn’t easy with 3 under 4, but we all survived, without paternity leave.

My DH was a very hands on dad to our first born son in 1980 but his company wouldn’t allow him to wait until our son was born to take his holiday, we had to guess, so he had two weeks off before he was born.
Which of course was useless. I came home from hospital on the Saturday, DH went back to work Monday. I felt very poorly as I’d haemorrhaged after he was born, and despite blood transfusions I was still dizzy.
Thank goodness for my mum she really helped me out the first few weeks. Thank goodness things are different now.

REPORTED

My husband took 2 weeks off work when both of our sons were born in the 1990s
He had his own business and consequently earned nothing when he wasn’t working. We had no other help from relatives.

The business now employs 8 people, and we have just paid full paternity pay for the first time to a new dad.

Paperbackwriter

Maybe it's because being around for your own family shouldn't be called 'helping'. It's doing what they should be doing - sharing the load.

Precisely. I’m glad that has been pointed out.

For the record, my father changed nappies when my older brother was born in 1936.

No. . Not one day off for any of my babies ‘73, 82, 89, even though for the last one parental leave was offered. However, in his wisdom, he decided to take it off later in the year, pointless as it was given in the hope of father bonding with the baby.

Allira, my daughter and SiL earn about the same, so it wouldn't matter from a financial point of view which one takes the leave.

Why should small companies suffer any more if the father takes paternity leave than if the mother takes maternity leave?

My daughter is pregnant. Unless there are any problems, my daughter and her husband are intending to share the parental leave. Both will take six months leave (not on full pay). My SiL is really excited about it.

Allira

cantthinkofagoodusername

It is so sad how many of you missed out on having useful DHs and want the younger ones of us to suffer just because you did.
My husband took several months off work when our DC was born. They have a lovely relationship several years later.
Look at the Nordic countries with their generous parental leave and how that translates into a better society.
Knowing that men are just as likely as women to take time off work when children are born helps to reduce some of the sexism that still lingers.

My MIL and I really clashed after our DC was born because she also thought it was ridiculous that her son was doing his share of childcare and housework. I don't know why she wasn't proud that her son was being a better father than his father was.

You cannot generalise.

Your DH was extremely lucky to be able to take several months off work after your DC were born. How many times did this happen? How did you manage re finances?

As well as being unable to take time off work when our DC were born, my DH had to go away with his work for months when they were young.

He also has a very good relationship with his children, now grown up of course.
He is also perfectly capable of doing his share of housework and cooking.

I didn't generalise - nowhere did I say that this applies to every single person here, I wrote '..so many of you...'

It's one thing if DH cannot take time off, it's quite another if he can and people like the OP think it is 'beyond ridiculous'. My post is aimed at these people who don't support paternity leave.

cantthinkofagoodusername

It is so sad how many of you missed out on having useful DHs and want the younger ones of us to suffer just because you did.
My husband took several months off work when our DC was born. They have a lovely relationship several years later.
Look at the Nordic countries with their generous parental leave and how that translates into a better society.
Knowing that men are just as likely as women to take time off work when children are born helps to reduce some of the sexism that still lingers.

My MIL and I really clashed after our DC was born because she also thought it was ridiculous that her son was doing his share of childcare and housework. I don't know why she wasn't proud that her son was being a better father than his father was.

You cannot generalise.

Your DH was extremely lucky to be able to take several months off work after your DC were born. How many times did this happen? How did you manage re finances?

As well as being unable to take time off work when our DC were born, my DH had to go away with his work for months when they were young.

He also has a very good relationship with his children, now grown up of course.
He is also perfectly capable of doing his share of housework and cooking.

Like VisaVersa the first time I held a baby and changed a nappy was with my first child. At that time my dh had to seek permission to be present at the birth. It was not always forthcoming.
Does anyone remember the films and shows on tv at the time where fathers hung around in hospital corridors carrying cigars to hand out to other expectant dads waiting too, this was the 70 s.

Bazza how fortunate you were to have a lovely mum to help you! I didn't so I very much needed and appreciated my lovely husband's support!

It is so sad how many of you missed out on having useful DHs and want the younger ones of us to suffer just because you did.
My husband took several months off work when our DC was born. They have a lovely relationship several years later.
Look at the Nordic countries with their generous parental leave and how that translates into a better society.
Knowing that men are just as likely as women to take time off work when children are born helps to reduce some of the sexism that still lingers.

My MIL and I really clashed after our DC was born because she also thought it was ridiculous that her son was doing his share of childcare and housework. I don't know why she wasn't proud that her son was being a better father than his father was.

My youngest son married a Finnish girl, and they live in Finland and work as teachers. Parental leave after having a child is super generous, with some being able to be split between mum and dad. All I can say is, that having seen my son take the full entitlement with both their children has led to such a strong bond with both his tiny daughters and given support to his wife. Finland values their children and those that bring them up. It shows, that's probably why it's one of the happiest places in the world.

I think what families did decades ago is irrelevant.

Fathers today are involved, thankfully.

Fathers today care for their children from birth.

Mothers today work. Mothers want their husbands and partners involved from birth.

It’s better for families to have fathers as carers along with mum in whatever way that family arranges this.

Businesses need to catch up with society.

People need to learn to cope with change.

On another note, this thread highlights why there are clashes between grans and new mums. Many grans fail to grasp that new mums rather have their partners there for support after birth than granny taking over or “helping”. Paternity leave is necessary whether any of us like it or not.

Mine were born 90 and 93 and my dh took unpaid leave for a week . He’s self employed and has his own business. He was a hands on dad , changed nappies, did bath time . So yes I support paid paternity leave .
My dh and I both had our own properties when we met, so we’re always shared the chores . We don’t have pink and blue chores and that extended to child care too.

DH took days from his annual leave when I came out of maternity care, 1983 & 85.
But — I remember regular visits from health visitors, a check up from a district nurse, and then staff checking up on me at the baby clinics, services which don’t seem available to modern mums. My two dils in this country have been left to their own devices.

Thing is, years ago no-one moved too far from family so there was usually always a mum, grandma or family member to assist the new mum

Yes, they did. They always have.

I was lucky because my DP travelled 200 miles (by train) to stay after DC1 was born because DH had to go away with work.

MibsXX

Thing is, years ago no-one moved too far from family so there was usually always a mum, grandma or family member to assist the new mum, nowadays most folks move around far from family and the " village " on streets just isn't there anymore, so yes, I feel it IS very much needed. ( and no, I had no help whatsoever with mine from any source)

Not everyone needs constant input from others though, can't fathom the 'village's nonsense myself.

With our first we were working in the Med and OH was teaching Summer Hours, finishing at lunchtime, so he was half home and we also had the school's summer holiday. It was from mid June until the end of September before I was on my own. We came back to UK in July to see grandparents, made me grateful for living so far away from their, mainly my mother's, 'advice ', aka interference!

Thing is, years ago no-one moved too far from family so there was usually always a mum, grandma or family member to assist the new mum, nowadays most folks move around far from family and the " village " on streets just isn't there anymore, so yes, I feel it IS very much needed. ( and no, I had no help whatsoever with mine from any source)

In 86 and 93 my DH had 2 weeks' paternity leave, it wasn't holiday just something his employer did for all his staff.
He now owns this business & has just given DS 2 weeks paternity leave for our first grandson.
I've always taken it for granted really, never realised it wasn't a legal right till 2003. DH wasn't much help with the babies, I remember the health visitor telling him off because he was painting the fence & she said he should be helping with the baby / housework.

I’ve just remembered a dear friend, now long deceased, who was left in charge of his son. When the baby soiled his nappy he was so horrified he took him to A and E and actually persuaded a nurse to change him! This was probably fifty years ago, can you imagine it now? He was very charming and often managed to get flight upgrades when we went on holiday with him and his wife.

My husband took a week’s leave with each of our children. Didn’t get help from anyone else except when I went to hospital after one of them as an emergency patient ( lovely doctor left half the placenta behind and I nearly died). I have to say I was looked after much better in the hospital in Australia than in the UK, the care standard at that time could only be described as disgusting over there. Cockroaches and Pooh up the toilet walls and doctors who couldn’t give a stuff. Midlands hospital.

Traditional man. Not “nap man”! No idea where that came from.