How do you get on with In Laws ie son or daughter in law

I have two d's-in-l and one s-i-l. We all get on well together but I wouldn't say I was particularly close to my sons' wives. My s-in-l and I have a very special relationship although I don't know how. I suspect that I find it easier to get on with men because I come from a family of nearly all men and have worked in male dominated industries for most of my life. The siblings and their partners are all great friends so I am happy to not rock the boat - if either of them make any effort to get closer I'll happily join in but after all these years I can't see that happening.

I think it's harder to accept a Dil than a Sil. Men tend to go with the flow and don't put on any pretence, women unfortunately will try to change their partners (your son) and this is hard to accept. I have five sons and have watched their wives come along and totally change my sons and sometimes not for the best (in my opinion).

My dil and my two sils, really fantastic relationship. I have always given them their own family space and even now, never impose. They value my opinion and treat me with love and respect

My mil, I too loved her, more than my emotionally-distant own mum. I cried buckets at her funeral but never cried for my mother

My extended family in-laws, well they are now distanced. They lasted for a year after my husband died

If your son/daughter has had a bad relationship you are especially wary of the next one. Like someone above I am deeply grateful that someone lovely has come along for my amazing daughter! I love him for loving her.
I love that my daughter's partner is kind and thoughtful and clearly cherishes her.

My other four adult children have partners I like and am happy to spend time with. I always make a point of noticing and commenting on the things they do that are generous or caring.

We may have little in common apart from the fact that we love the same people but that is enough for me as a starting point!

...and I gradually grew to love my mother-in-law very dearly. The slightly "distant" way she seemed more than half a century ago, when we first met, is the way some people protect themselves from (further) pain.
It has been a privilege to know her.
💐

I love my ex-DIL to bits. I have a good relationship with her (and her family). Her mum is particularly keen to say that she gets on well with her ex-MIL and wants the same to be true of her relationship with her ex-SIL.

It's a relationship which takes a while to adjust to. Since I have been a widow I have had to make more adjustments.

My 4 in-laws are all really good people. I get on with them all but one DiL is an easy person to be with as she's very laid back and accepting.

The others are a little more distant. I.e. they don't confide in me but why should they?
My DSiL is quite a reserved man and we rarely have long discussions.

All 4 are wonderful parents and love my DC Could I ask for more?

My own mum adored all her in-laws and they responded by pandering to her needs and foibles.
I was close to my parents in law although we weren't like best buddies. We knew our places 😅

I get on well with my DIL, I think of her as a younger friend, but never think of her as a daughter, my own DD lives in Australia.

My SIL over there is a nice chap, we don’t see a lot of them but we were there last year. We hadn’t been over there for some time, and I thought he had matured over the years into a really good husband to her, which is good.

I love my Son in Law for the wonderful and kind person that he is. He is funny, self effacing and loves bread making, growing vegetables, watching Rugby Football and seems to be able to talk to anyone about anything!

I like both of my DiLs, and get on well with them.
I wouldn't say that we are 'friends' though, as their lives are very different from mine and our get-togethers tend to be as family rather than more general socialising if you get what I mean.

I have 2 wonderful dils . They get involved in every aspect of family life and they are both very good for our sons . I treat them as equals /friends . I occasionally see one for lunch or cinema because they live nearby and she texts me frequently with news etc .
I don't monopolise her , I'm very aware she has her own family . The only thing I sometimes find hard is never getting any alone time with my son . They are always together , not a bad thing of course . A daughter will see her parents independently as I did but I do miss my son . He works a difficult shift pattern so I'm very aware that they need time together when he is off . I was never friends with my MIL , she was very aloof . I was always polite and respectful and made sure she was always included and invited regularly for lunch etc but I don't think she particularly liked me much .
I never want my sons partners to feel that so I'm determined to build good relationships with them . Luckily not difficult because they are both lovely .

Our 4 SIL are nice men, we get on well.

This thread prompted me to call DIL, my son and his wife live overseas, as my son is away this weekend she is alone.

We just had a lovely chat for almost an hour.

We get on very well indeed, it took me a good few years to get to know her and I took it slowly.
We all get on.

We also have a SIL who is very much part of the family and our youngest son has a partner who we are getting to know but really like.

I think the secret is to take it slowly and focus on the positive traits.

My sil is like another son to me. To be honest he shows more consideration than my actual sons

I have a SIL and a DIL, and am very fond of them both. We don't see a lot of them, as there is geographical distance between us all - all in the UK, but in different areas - but we get on when we meet, and I am happy that AFAIK they are both good for my children.

I still have my MIL, and she is lovely, too. I've been very lucky, I think.

I love my SiLs, they are a really big help, especially since my DH had a stroke and have been ever since. We have known one of them since he went to school with one of my daughters and the other two since Uni days. We feel we have seen them grow up.
When coming into London to a meeting etc., they often stay with us. We have a lot in common thank goodness. My DiL is a lovely person but sadly now divorced from our son who lives in Australia, they have two children whom we see rarely and now that they live with their mum and new husband I doubt we will see them at all, but we try every which way to keep in touch. We did go out to Australia before my DHs stroke but now doubt it will happen again.
Am afraid it is our son we don’t get along with very well, he cheated on his wife and is now - according to one of our daughters - cheating on his new girlfriend who seems like a really lovely person. We keep in touch but is usually us ringing him.

Both our sons have lovely partners, I couldn't wish for nicer girls. We get on well and I think we have quite a close relationship. Family life is so much easier if we can all get on. My MIL was horrific, but she did me a favour - I learned from her how not to treat any newcomers to the family!

We cannot bond with every adult that we are in contact with. People are different and the most important thing is that we respect each other. We do this by being pleasant when we meet, respecting boundaries and not having unrealistic expectations.

I am not sure what you meany by ‘she does nothing for me’ What do you want her to do?

I love my SIL and honestly feel he is the son I never had. My DD had an appalling boyfriend before she met him and I am thankful every day that she finally saw sense and left him.

That's also reassuring Greenfinch - I think its a bit different with sons in law though, I may have one before too long if things go well!

I have two daughters in law,oldest one has always called me your bloody mother ,water off a ducks back,my youngest one is completely different,rings me every day for a chat..my ex mother in law is one of those I call a spade a spade person until it's done back to her then totally different

I get on very well with my son in law as he grew up in care and only rarely sees his own mother. My daughter in law is very much involved with her own family who all live locally and although she is usually friendly and pleasant we have not developed a close relationship.

I would say I am good friends with my Sons I. Law and am very fond of them I think they like me😀.

I have never had any particular feelings for my Mother in Law but she is part of the family and I treat her with respect and kindness. I was never too keen on my Father in Law, very old school and a terrible flirt.

I had a few teething problems with my ds.i.l. but things are on an even keel now. They are both good ‘wives’ to my sons and wonderful ‘mothers’ to my GC. I wouldn’t call them friends as such. As a matter of fact, the 2 ds.i.l. are very good friends to each other, and I am very glad they get along so well. The fact that the kids are almost the same ages, does help.

We are so lucky we have two daughters and one son in law and they are all fabulous. We are all close and they love us back so we count our blessings.

No problem

Forcing anything to develop and to exist because of social rules is a recipe for disaster

A parent/offspring relationships has been forged over decades.
It is unrealistic to expect the same with a grown adult in a much shorter period of time