How do you get on with In Laws ie son or daughter in law

Unless you’ve both a shared interest ( other than the family), something that you both enjoy doing together, independently of them, it’s unlikely to develop not anything resembling a close friendship.

I have been very fortunate with all those types of relationship.

I think it is a bit the luck of the draw.
Some people like to remain private.
Fortunately the ones in my life do not.

I honestly see nothing wrong with your approach, OP.

Your son/daughter getting married does not mean you are also personality compatible with his wife/husband, enabling a friendship or a daughter/son relationships

As long as you treat each other respectfull, it works out.

There is a good book on this subject by Teri Apter called "What do you want from me"? She's an academic who specialises in family relationship issues.

I have the daughter in law from hell, i'm afraid. Tried everything and still get the silent treatment when in her company.

Thanks Hithere, that's quite reassuring.

I consider myself lucky as I get on with both my son in law and now to be ex daughter in law.
I think we all just accepted the way each individual was as a person and have had many good times together. Sadly my son and his wife are now getting divorced but my daughter in law and I still speak. I must admit I just take people as they come and it seems to work. I do feel it for those whose in-laws are not good with them but we never know how their families were before joining yours.

I think it's a combination of luck of the draw and your own attitude/approach. I have two daughters-in-law and feel extremely lucky. I get on very well with one of them and would say we are close. The other one has an entirely different personality to me and our relationship is OK.

As others have said, there's need to force a close relationship. I remind myself that my sons chose these women and love them - that's the most important thing.

No problem

Forcing anything to develop and to exist because of social rules is a recipe for disaster

A parent/offspring relationships has been forged over decades.
It is unrealistic to expect the same with a grown adult in a much shorter period of time

We are so lucky we have two daughters and one son in law and they are all fabulous. We are all close and they love us back so we count our blessings.

I had a few teething problems with my ds.i.l. but things are on an even keel now. They are both good ‘wives’ to my sons and wonderful ‘mothers’ to my GC. I wouldn’t call them friends as such. As a matter of fact, the 2 ds.i.l. are very good friends to each other, and I am very glad they get along so well. The fact that the kids are almost the same ages, does help.

I would say I am good friends with my Sons I. Law and am very fond of them I think they like me😀.

I have never had any particular feelings for my Mother in Law but she is part of the family and I treat her with respect and kindness. I was never too keen on my Father in Law, very old school and a terrible flirt.

I get on very well with my son in law as he grew up in care and only rarely sees his own mother. My daughter in law is very much involved with her own family who all live locally and although she is usually friendly and pleasant we have not developed a close relationship.

I have two daughters in law,oldest one has always called me your bloody mother ,water off a ducks back,my youngest one is completely different,rings me every day for a chat..my ex mother in law is one of those I call a spade a spade person until it's done back to her then totally different

That's also reassuring Greenfinch - I think its a bit different with sons in law though, I may have one before too long if things go well!

I love my SIL and honestly feel he is the son I never had. My DD had an appalling boyfriend before she met him and I am thankful every day that she finally saw sense and left him.

We cannot bond with every adult that we are in contact with. People are different and the most important thing is that we respect each other. We do this by being pleasant when we meet, respecting boundaries and not having unrealistic expectations.

I am not sure what you meany by ‘she does nothing for me’ What do you want her to do?

Both our sons have lovely partners, I couldn't wish for nicer girls. We get on well and I think we have quite a close relationship. Family life is so much easier if we can all get on. My MIL was horrific, but she did me a favour - I learned from her how not to treat any newcomers to the family!

I love my SiLs, they are a really big help, especially since my DH had a stroke and have been ever since. We have known one of them since he went to school with one of my daughters and the other two since Uni days. We feel we have seen them grow up.
When coming into London to a meeting etc., they often stay with us. We have a lot in common thank goodness. My DiL is a lovely person but sadly now divorced from our son who lives in Australia, they have two children whom we see rarely and now that they live with their mum and new husband I doubt we will see them at all, but we try every which way to keep in touch. We did go out to Australia before my DHs stroke but now doubt it will happen again.
Am afraid it is our son we don’t get along with very well, he cheated on his wife and is now - according to one of our daughters - cheating on his new girlfriend who seems like a really lovely person. We keep in touch but is usually us ringing him.

I have a SIL and a DIL, and am very fond of them both. We don't see a lot of them, as there is geographical distance between us all - all in the UK, but in different areas - but we get on when we meet, and I am happy that AFAIK they are both good for my children.

I still have my MIL, and she is lovely, too. I've been very lucky, I think.

My sil is like another son to me. To be honest he shows more consideration than my actual sons

This thread prompted me to call DIL, my son and his wife live overseas, as my son is away this weekend she is alone.

We just had a lovely chat for almost an hour.

We get on very well indeed, it took me a good few years to get to know her and I took it slowly.
We all get on.

We also have a SIL who is very much part of the family and our youngest son has a partner who we are getting to know but really like.

I think the secret is to take it slowly and focus on the positive traits.

Our 4 SIL are nice men, we get on well.

I have 2 wonderful dils . They get involved in every aspect of family life and they are both very good for our sons . I treat them as equals /friends . I occasionally see one for lunch or cinema because they live nearby and she texts me frequently with news etc .
I don't monopolise her , I'm very aware she has her own family . The only thing I sometimes find hard is never getting any alone time with my son . They are always together , not a bad thing of course . A daughter will see her parents independently as I did but I do miss my son . He works a difficult shift pattern so I'm very aware that they need time together when he is off . I was never friends with my MIL , she was very aloof . I was always polite and respectful and made sure she was always included and invited regularly for lunch etc but I don't think she particularly liked me much .
I never want my sons partners to feel that so I'm determined to build good relationships with them . Luckily not difficult because they are both lovely .

I like both of my DiLs, and get on well with them.
I wouldn't say that we are 'friends' though, as their lives are very different from mine and our get-togethers tend to be as family rather than more general socialising if you get what I mean.