I think we are both right, but.....

I am puzzled at what doesn’t sound like a mature relationship.
1) You say he complains about you spending money. Who dies the family food shopping? Who pays the utility and other domestic bills? Do you have to ask for money or justify spending it?
2) He “keeps the wine in his bedroom” - that’s weird. I keep it in the fridge/garage/kitchen , why don’t you? And you” woke him up and asked for some wine…etc” ? Why didn’t you just open a bottle yourself? Is it locked away?

Forgive me if I am totally misunderstanding the situation but you do not come across as a couple who have spent years together. Rather more like flatmates with separate lives.
Perhaps you could put me right if I am not “getting” your situation or who is, indeed “right” and about what?

We do the weekly shopping on Ocado, together.

DH sees to the paying of bills, but we have a joint bank account.

Yes, I woke him up to ask for wine, to help me sleep. I have restless legs syndrome, and I often can't sleep because of it. I know the wine can be a trigger, but I want it to relax my mind a bit. Generally I have about a third of a bottle.

DH drinks a bottle a day but says it doesn't affect him. He thinks wine will affect me because I have stage 4 kidney disease (I don't think it will).

He keeps the wine in his bedroom because he thinks I will drink too much if it is available. So if I want a drink after he has gone to bed, I have to wake him up and we have a row.

I don't have to ask for money, but he gets annoyed if I spend it. This is my recent spending, which is a lot more than I usually spend:

Sewing machine, £40. To replace my existing machine, which is broken.

Two tops at £18 each.

An electric can opener, as ours is broken.

Sticks for barrettes (for my hobby)

Small metal hair clips (for my hobby).

Magnesium gel, for my restless legs.

As to 'who is right.' I think I expressed myself badly in the title. I just wanted to rant.

Sewing machine, £40. To replace my existing machine, which is broken.
What make, please? And where did you buy it?
I thought mine was inexpensive at £260.00 and I don't like it very much.

Small metal hair clips (for my hobby).
Intrigued!

Magnesium gel, for my restless legs.

I take magnesium tablets for cramp, is the gel good?

This is the sewing machine. I have had an expensive machine for years, but these days all I want a machine for is turning up hems.

'Small metal hair clips.' These are to cover with leather, and then to decorate with rhinestones. I will be doing a craft fair at Christmas, and I make them (hopefully) to sell.

This is all a bit weird !?

It might be an idea as you say good night before he goes to bed to ask for the wine at the same time, thus no fall out ??

Allira

^Magnesium gel, for my restless legs.^

I take magnesium tablets for cramp, is the gel good?

It's too soon to comment on the gel, it's the first night I have used it.

Normally I take Gabapentin for the restless legs, but it doesn't work very well. I am up for trying anything, the restless legs are sheer torture.

Spinnaker

It might be an idea as you say good night before he goes to bed to ask for the wine at the same time, thus no fall out ??

Thank you for your suggestion, but he would still get annoyed, no matter what time I asked.

fancyflowers

Allira

Magnesium gel, for my restless legs.

I take magnesium tablets for cramp, is the gel good?

It's too soon to comment on the gel, it's the first night I have used it.

Normally I take Gabapentin for the restless legs, but it doesn't work very well. I am up for trying anything, the restless legs are sheer torture.

It's more cramp and magnesium does seem to help.

I knew someone who had 'restless legs', she was quite young then (well, middle-aged!).
Are you low on iron? Perhaps you need a blood test to check your Hb levels.

When I need to get to sleep and can’t, I use a trick that works. Count backwards in your head slowly from 1000. I have never got to 899. I think it works because you have to concentrate on the numbers and so you can’t have other thoughts on your mind.

The sewing machine looks interesting for small jobs.

Oh let him be annoyed,buy your own wine

Flippin2

Oh let him be annoyed,buy your own wine

👍

Shelflife

This is all a bit weird !?

Why do you think it is weird?

Flippin2

Oh let him be annoyed,buy your own wine

I think I will.

This thread has made me want a glass of red, but there is none in the house.
Guess I'll have to do without.
Luckily I don't have a husband because if I was married to this man he would be mince by now...

*I knew someone who had 'restless legs', she was quite young then (well, middle-aged!).
Are you low on iron? Perhaps you need a blood test to check your Hb levels*

I have just had a blood test and hopefully I will get the results soon.

fancy flowers perhaps ' weird ' was a poor choice of word. What I mean is I find it hard to understand. If you have stage 4 kidney disease I can understand why he keeps the wine in his bedroom, he drinks a bottle a day !? All things being equal you should not need his permission before having a glass or two of wine! On the other hand if drinking wine is detrimental to your health is he doing you a favour ?

It sounds to me as if your DH is worried about your drinking because of your kidney disease and, in a clumsy way, is trying to protect you from yourself.

However, you say that he drinks a bottle a day which surely is excessive and not good for his health either. Perhaps you both need to consider cutting back and
for you look for other things to help you sleep.
As for your spending, is it possible for you to open your own bank account so that he doesn’t get to see what you are spending and keep the joint account for good and household shopping?

Shelflife

fancy flowers perhaps ' weird ' was a poor choice of word. What I mean is I find it hard to understand. If you have stage 4 kidney disease I can understand why he keeps the wine in his bedroom, he drinks a bottle a day !? All things being equal you should not need his permission before having a glass or two of wine! On the other hand if drinking wine is detrimental to your health is he doing you a favour ?

Yes, it's a difficult choice. From my perspective, I want the wine as it relaxes me.
From DH's perspective, he wants to protect me. I am 73 and DH is 79. He is in much better health than I am, and I know (although this is never actually said) that he is afraid of me dying. So yes, he is doing me a favour, but it's a favour that I slightly resent.

Sadgrandma

It sounds to me as if your DH is worried about your drinking because of your kidney disease and, in a clumsy way, is trying to protect you from yourself.

However, you say that he drinks a bottle a day which surely is excessive and not good for his health either. Perhaps you both need to consider cutting back and
for you look for other things to help you sleep.
As for your spending, is it possible for you to open your own bank account so that he doesn’t get to see what you are spending and keep the joint account for good and household shopping?

Thank you for your suggestion. I do have a separate bank account. We have a joint account with HSBC and I have an account with NatWest.
But if I buy on Amazon, using my NatWest account, he would still see what I was buying and would still get upset that I was spending.

Sorryfancyflowers, I don’t really understand how your DH can see your Amazon purchases if you are buying them on your own personal Amazon account - am I missing something?

I'm missing a lot!