Where did I go wrong??

Thank you to those of you who have responded so far. Just to clarify....we are not married. She had had 2 previously failed marriages (in Poland) before we met.

Also the house we occupy is private rented. I would really like to get something smaller with less garden and other maintenance.

To those who have suggested she move in with her daughter, I have suggested that, but she won't. The reason I think is that they get on OK when living apart, but don't so much when living together (between 2008 - 2012 we all lived together down here, before the daughter moved to Yorkshire).

Yes, the 'relationship' is fundamentally no more and hasn't been for a considerable time. We got together fairly soon after my second marriage ended, which was naive on my part. Her daughter and son-in-law were already here in the UK and, basically, she wanted to be over here with them. I think now, in retrospect, that was a much bigger element in the equation than I ever was.

I am in the process of leading my own life now to a large degree and can only hope that this situation resolves itself before long. It is just frustrating. I am not at all concerned about living on my own as, to all intents and purposes, I am largely doing that now. She is 9 years younger than me and still working at the moment, often 6 days a week.

Could you move out of the home you share? Would the lack of your financial contribution force her to move out?

It’s unclear what you mean by move on.

Do you mean physically; that you will need to find somewhere else to live that you can afford on your own? Is the property owned or rented? Do you need to get the sale process rolling or give notice on a rental agreement?

Or is it that you would like to look for someone new? It sounds like this relationship has been over for several years.

I would have thought she would stand a better chance of being offered a rental property by moving in with her daughter and GD and demonstrating that their home is overcrowded, if indeed it would be.

I don’t know what priority is given, if any at all, to single older people.

Anyway, if it’s the former then you have a right to start seeking alternate accommodation, to be looking out for yourself in all of this. If something suitable presents then it will force her hand to either move in with her daughter temporarily or not be so picky about what rented accommodation she is prepared to accept.

You titled this Where did I go wrong? Do you mean with this relationship or including the two marriages?

I believe that relationships are like any other product, in this case the product of two people getting together. They have a “best before” date. Better to get out sooner rather than later than cling onto something that no longer makes either of you happy.

I agree with Bluebelle. No idea about either of your finances which may be a major factor in her not moving out. It's usually the woman who is financially restricted.

What do you want to move on to ? If there’s no love there and you just live as roommates just carry on life as friends ignoring each other until she’s gone or do you mean you want to start looking for a girlfriend / or wife number three ?

I d give up! you ve had three cracks at the whip, you’re mid seventies just have a good life on your own whether she’s around or not build up your ‘outside the home’ life
Good luck

Sounds like you need to see a solicitor.

OP isn’t married, no divorce necessary.

Are you divorcing? If not, why not?
Your solicitor will help with regard to your rights and hers. You certainly need to get her to move out for I imagine this is a highly stressful arrangement. If she can’t stay with her daughter and instead of looking for a housing association property, none of which suit her, she should get her daughter to find her a short term rental she can afford until she sees something she likes. Fact is she needs to be there surely to keep viewing these properties.
You need to have a conversation with her about this. You are not throwing her out you are suggesting options.

I think I would set a reasonable deadline for her move, say 6 months. Tell her you also have plans, whether you do or don't, and also need to move around that time. Social housing usually has a waiting list. Is she in a position to either rent privately or move in with her daughter whilst she looks for a home? I can appreciate your frustration and understand you want to crack on with your life so you need to stand firm on this.

Well you are already calling her your ex. So maybe in your mind the relationship is all but over. It doesn’t sound as if you care for her that much really. You sound like just friends. I’d suggest that you just go along with what she wants. Surely it’s not up to you to find somewhere for her to live. I think this is one of those situations where it’s best to do nothing and wait to see what she does. It doesn’t sound as if you will be heartbroken but you might be worried about feeling lonely. However once she goes perhaps you could remain friends and visit one another when you can. You might relish the peace and the freedom.

I guess it depends on whose house you live in. Is it solely yours or hers? Do you go 50/50 on expenses? Are you married or cohabiting ? All these things will make a difference . Also I wouldn’t have thought she could easily get a social housing property just because she wants to move areas/ has a daughter there, what about local people currently in the area ?

Can’t she stay with her daughter whilst she makes plans? She seems to be holding all the cards here

Start plans to divorce and that should expedite things.