the Contrarian

My brother. We rarely meet

My older sister.

We meet quite often 🙄

this is my sister
who repeatedly tells me how intelligent she is
despite her living an alien lifestyle funded by her ex husband
from 35years ago
who is self described vain, and shallow, critical, comments on my life and my AC, tells me where furniture should go and offered to ‘fix me up’ with a gone to seed discarded boyfriend.
This is what nappens when you weaken and soft neartedly allow a destructive self absorbed toxic monster into your previously happy life.

Have you looked up the term narcissist and their traits you might find it enlightening and find some other traits as well. Or you might be lucky and dismiss the idea.

Yes and I divorced him. The process was horrendous but life then changed for the better and you learn forever the early warning signs.

I have been described as a contrarian, but the people who use it do not see it as being as the OP describes.

My definition of it is one of those given in a dictionary opposing or rejecting popular opinion or current practice. Nothing said about 'it is cut across, diminished, problem solved, conversation ended'. Surely that is something else entirely. Bullying, treating someone with contempt, arrogance, but not contrarianism

In any discussion I almost always end up looking at the topic from the other side, I do it on GN, but I do not want to diminish the other persons view, nor give the definitive solution to the problem and certainly not end the conversation.

On the contrary, having people putting different views, or putting a different view when every one else is in agreement, both leading to discussion and exchange of views is the very essence of aa good discussion.

Aggrieved Contrarian.

Anyone can be contrary! It's a choice, surely?

M0nica

I have been described as a contrarian, but the people who use it do not see it as being as the OP describes.

My definition of it is one of those given in a dictionary opposing or rejecting popular opinion or current practice. Nothing said about 'it is cut across, diminished, problem solved, conversation ended'. Surely that is something else entirely. Bullying, treating someone with contempt, arrogance, but not contrarianism

In any discussion I almost always end up looking at the topic from the other side, I do it on GN, but I do not want to diminish the other persons view, nor give the definitive solution to the problem and certainly not end the conversation.

On the contrary, having people putting different views, or putting a different view when every one else is in agreement, both leading to discussion and exchange of views is the very essence of aa good discussion.

Aggrieved Contrarian.

YOU! are my sister and I claim my £5.00

Yes. My daughter!

How have I^ cut across, diminished, problem solved, conversation ended, headache?^

I have not diminished and dismissed the problem, certainly not ended the conversation. I was a bit discombobobulated by the noun you used to describe this person, because it was not a definition I was familiar with.

I agree you have a problem dealing with someone as you describe. But the difficulty is , on the other side, that some people think that a discussion consists of people who agree with each other discussing a topic, and if someone disagrees or puts forward an alternative view, this is seen as a personally hostile act, when all that person is doing is saying 'I think differently to you, this is what I think'. What follows should be a civilised exchange of views, followed by an agreement to differ.

What I hate is people who state their opinion consider it the only valid opinion and shut the conversation down the moment anyone dares to uestion their opinion

M0nica

How have I^ cut across, diminished, problem solved, conversation ended, headache?^

I have not diminished and dismissed the problem, certainly not ended the conversation. I was a bit discombobobulated by the noun you used to describe this person, because it was not a definition I was familiar with.

I agree you have a problem dealing with someone as you describe. But the difficulty is , on the other side, that some people think that a discussion consists of people who agree with each other discussing a topic, and if someone disagrees or puts forward an alternative view, this is seen as a personally hostile act, when all that person is doing is saying 'I think differently to you, this is what I think'. What follows should be a civilised exchange of views, followed by an agreement to differ.

What I hate is people who state their opinion consider it the only valid opinion and shut the conversation down the moment anyone dares to uestion their opinion

No, you haven't not been a contrarian. This thread.

You do hold strong opinions. We all do. And??

Sores, time you disranced for a while,

But surely if someone opens a thread and makes statements like the OP, they are looking for opinions and discussion on the topic, which means accepting that one or more people will disagree with the proposition, or at least challenge it.

If the OP only wants the opinions of people who agree with her, she should say so.

M0nica

But surely if someone opens a thread and makes statements like the OP, they are looking for opinions and discussion on the topic, which means accepting that one or more people will disagree with the proposition, or at least challenge it.

If the OP only wants the opinions of people who agree with her, she should say so.

Indeed.

M0nica

But surely if someone opens a thread and makes statements like the OP, they are looking for opinions and discussion on the topic, which means accepting that one or more people will disagree with the proposition, or at least challenge it.

If the OP only wants the opinions of people who agree with her, she should say so.

She could just have a conversation with herself in the mirror!

I don’t necessarily believe it’s always a bad trait.

If we disagree we might be accused of being Contrarians!

SORES has to put up with a sister who belittles her by the sound of it, which is more than being contrary.
She won’t change, and while it’s annoying there’s not much to be done about it bar seeing her less often.
As for GN it would be an echo chamber of nodding dogs if we all were to agree on everything.😄

I think playing Devils Advocate is very useful in opening up disscusions or broadening viewpoints, but as I see it a contrarian simply disagrees with everything as a matter of principle. Which is very different from well rounded argument and civilised debate

Reported.

It depends on context. If it is in the family or social group and it happens all the time, every time - then a big yes to the contrarian. The leader of the WI group I have just left never has a good word to say about anything. She is the character from Harry Enfield 'You don't want to do it that way....'. She is a most unpleasant person to spend time with as she just demeans and demolishes what other people say. I also belong to a group of retired professionals and when we have a discussion, different people put forward different perspectives in a respectful way and we try to have a 360 degree discussion which is quite enlightening. It depends. I tend to steer clear of full time contrarians as you will never come to a green branch.

What does it mean when someone calls you a contrarian?
A contrarian is someone who habitually opposes or disagrees with the views or opinions of others, often for the sake of being contrary rather than out of genuine belief.
They tend to challenge consensus, take opposing positions, and can be driven by a need for control or superiority in conversation.

The second sentence would describe my ex-father in-law , a clever man who considered most of the population his inferiors and delighted in challenging the most simple of opinions in an attempt to prove his intellectual superiority.

Needless to say, he was frequently defeated as he had insufficient subject knowledge or personal conviction to support his expressed opinions..

I have met with Monica on several occasions and I can say that besides holding strong opinions she is also a listener. She hears the other point of view and is able and willing to have a fair discussion.