No one to share things with

Nanny Sue45. Possibley what you should bear in mind some people exaggerate the positive things in their lives I met someone who told the tales of her wonderful life. But when I got to know her better it was really a very different story

Dear Nannysue, First of all, quietly ignore your husband. I quite see where you are coming from.
Perhaps do a few small things, go out for a little walk and see what's going on locally.
I find you have to try a few things out locally and build up contacts.
It is worth working on your appearance and an exercise class can really help.
I did have a little dog and he was lovely but probably won't replace him as a commitment and vets bills are horrendous.
Work on your interests and what brings you pleasure.
You make contacts in the process.

Another recommendation for the U3A. I joined when I retired and belong to 4 groups (badminton, book group, scrabble, bridge) and lead two of them. There are day trips as well as holidays. It’s a brilliant organisation.

Reported.

oh Cabbie, not unlike me and my life,, see we are not really alone,, is it all in our minds, I am in a particularly low mood at the moment as the church that I have attended for some years has a new vicar and it is all change there also..

I am fortunate that my children live within a few miles and we are in touch. I value that greatly, but they have their own lives, families and responsibilities of course. I have good friends through various activities, but there are still too many hours spent alone. We rarely meet up outside of the activities. When the weather is decent, I would like to be out, but sometimes it is easier to occupy myself at home than go out alone, where it can feel more lonely when everyone else is in couples or family groups.
I certainly wouldn’t want to live with anyone else. I am too set in my ways. I think it makes me self-centred, but that is inevitable. I would like to have closer friends to do things with. I spend a lot of time online.

I live on my own.
Fortunately, I have found 2 handyman. They are not exactly cheap, but I have no choice.
One has cut back all the bushes and made my garden look tidy. The other has powewashed my drive - the outside of my house looks summer-ready !

so true Wyllow3

I think one can be as lonely or more in a bad relationship: in that situation: those who have been in that situation can be more lonely as the person is, as it were, ‘there’ but essentially ‘not there’

The need for a close relationship with a good friend seems to be a common thing of our time, whatever age you are. So know that you’re not alone. Life has become hectic, fast, and very ego driven. If you can find an environment that cuts through that, it would be helpful and I’m sure you’d meet more likeminded people, but it’s not easy. I think I’d firstly try to increase visits to my daughter. Could you do this without your husband, to give you some quality time with her? Or could you arrange a halfway point to meet, or have a break together? Also, maybe arrange more time (away?) with your husband. This all helps to fill the ‘gaps’ but also try to join some groups or activities and slowly get to know some new people. This is all challenging and takes time, I know, but remember that lots of other people are in the same situation.

My brother ( my only sibling who was 10 years older, )my ex husband, my parents of course, are all dead.Some of friends are too.

I live on my own, and am quite content to amuse myself , though I frequently long for a handyman to cut the grass, mend a drawer that is sticking, loosen bottle tops, and open tins, climb step ladder to change a light bulb, take down curtains for laundering and then try to put them up again. etc , etc, etc
I have some local friends , but most have husbands, and so are not always available, plus they can probably afford activities that I cannot.
So Nanny Sue, count your blessings and be thankful you still have a husband and many friends.

SO,

Maggs and everyone, it doesn`t get better, it gets...??? different, easier?? in a strange sort of way... mydh died 7 years ago, coming. hospital told me he was coming home on the Wednesday as he was ok.. he died on the Tuesday before! they didn`t "spot" that though his head pain was "better" he was in end of life! they had an enquiry afterwards and said they will do better! that , of course, stays with me.

no it doesn`t get better, it changes... as all of life changes. and yes, it is so good to share here as unless you have gone through it, you can`t possibly understand and who would want to? and any way we are all different.

Love and prayers to each and everyone

MaggsMcG

I dont have any siblings, lost my husband in 2021. I do have three daughters two of which live about 40 minutes away but they have busy lives themselves. I have one that lives nearer but she is self employed in a job that has varying hours. She's there for me if I need her. I dont have any boosum buddies but I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that I socialise with as and when I want to. Some ex work colleagues too who I meet up with every few months for lunch. I can be as busy or as alone as I want or need but not always exactly when I want. I don't like to push it at weekends but I'm not averse to doing things alone. I will keep doing this whilst I'm still able, but I do worry about what will happen if and when I cannot drive or get about independently. Hopefully not for a while yet. I'm almost 74 and been retired for 9 years this August.

I could have written your post Maggs except my DH died 8 years ago - only it doesn’t actually get better!
Everybody is very kind in the first months or year, but pretty soon you’re expected to get on with it.
Once, when it all got too much I started this thread and was surprised to find how many people shared my feelings.

Sunday, bloody Sunday! | Gransnet
www.gransnet.com › Forums › Bereavement

Chins up! Soon be Monday!

I live alone and it's those moments when you just want someone to be there to share life's little ups and downs on an emotional level. It's a work in process because someone who said its harder when you are older is right especially when the energy simply isnt there.

For me the internet has been great tho - there are groups which are Zoom based or this and another site where you can and do "natter".

I've never had local family and I agree it would be nice if there was (providing we got on) and I would avoid those boasters and gradually seek out those (see good suggestions above) who are able to "share" without needing to do that. I've been a member of my gym for 20 years. Many many warm acquaintances but no one who I can pick a phone up to saying "guess what.....this or that just happened!)

argymargy

“I really wish I had someone close to share things with”

You’ve got a husband, for goodness sake! If he’s not close what on earth is he for?

He probably loves her deeply. Some husbands are very different from wives. It doesnt mean theyre useless. Some people are neurodiverse and have difficulty with expression.

The Q&A

46RosiesMawagain
~That’s a horrible suggestion~

Momac55
~What is?~

WithNobsOnIt offered thia advice:
~Get yourself a younger man...on the side. ~

Macadia agrees: that is BAD advice for NannySue 🙁

argymargy

“I really wish I had someone close to share things with”

You’ve got a husband, for goodness sake! If he’s not close what on earth is he for?

What an unkind and unecessary comment.

Sometimes the male of the species can be cut from a different cloth, self sufficient, happy to potter about and spend time on a hobby perhaps.

I competely understand what the OP writes.

You are supposed to feel happier after being with your friends.
I really would try to find a class doing something that interests you and perhaps look at why you are still with those friends.
You have a husband but that doesn't necessarily mean you enjoy the same things or each others company.
My late husband and I were best friends, he had his interests and I had mine but we were always happier together. I have been on loads of holidays with friends and on my own too, but nithing compares to being with him, now I find it more difficult and I don't see those friends much so spend a lot of time alone and am often lonely. I don't do much with family the older I get and can see how isolated I could become. I am surrounded by families that see children every day and holiday together but our family is not like that, I would find it suffocating. They have busy lives and responsibilities now,
I will find different interests to suit how I am now and I hope you do too. We have to keep trying.

“I really wish I had someone close to share things with”

You’ve got a husband, for goodness sake! If he’s not close what on earth is he for?

I dont have any siblings, lost my husband in 2021. I do have three daughters two of which live about 40 minutes away but they have busy lives themselves. I have one that lives nearer but she is self employed in a job that has varying hours. She's there for me if I need her. I dont have any boosum buddies but I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that I socialise with as and when I want to. Some ex work colleagues too who I meet up with every few months for lunch. I can be as busy or as alone as I want or need but not always exactly when I want. I don't like to push it at weekends but I'm not averse to doing things alone. I will keep doing this whilst I'm still able, but I do worry about what will happen if and when I cannot drive or get about independently. Hopefully not for a while yet. I'm almost 74 and been retired for 9 years this August.

Polnan, I am glad you have your faith, you must get a lot of comfort from that. Doesn't your church have a social programme? Coffee mornings? Friendship groups? Bible reading? If not, maybe your town has an over 60s club, knit & natter, tea dances, chair exercises, mahjong, Scrabble or cribbage? A visit to your local library should be able to give you some ideas and contact numbers. I hope you find something you enjoy. It's nice to have things to look forward to 💐.

BlueBelle, you have quite a family there, I'm sorry that so many of them are out of reach. It's sad for you that your friends are in poor health, it can't be easy for you to see their suffering. It sounds like you keep yourself busy, one way or another, the weather should be warming up soon, you can enjoy your allotment and the beach.

If it's company you want, maybe try something like exercise classes for over 60s, art classes, book club, singing group, line dancing or any of the things I suggested to Polnan. There will always be single ladies like yourself, looking for friendship and socialising. You say you talk to anyone and everyone, so you're a confident and outgoing person. I find if you smile at people and start a conversation that usually breaks the ice. I hope you soon find something you enjoy doing and when you get fed up with your own company, you can enjoy the company of others 😀. All the best 💐.

Three fantastic children and seven grandkids, all bar one are scattered around the world 6 for ever, the other 3 travelling or working away.

No siblings no cousins, no aunts or uncles left , parents gone, lived on my own 27 years. Have to make my own entertainment.
Three lovely friends one 9 years older and knows she hasn’t long to live, one getting over brain surgery and will be a long, long recovery Third doesn’t enjoy good health so if and when.
I grab what I can in the way of company when I can and accept when I can’t.
Work and my allotment and the beach keep me sane, I talk to anyone and everyone and my one daughter living nearby, helps whenever I need help ( which I try not to ask too
much of)

The Sunrises in the East.... now this is the problem for me, maybe others.

"
I'm very happy with my own company, always have been, but I can understand that some people enjoy the company of others."

I have never lived alone, my dh died just before covid, nearly7 years ago now,, I managed through with friends I met at church, as I have got older and less able, I am 89 now,, and well blessed for my age, I know that, people keep telling me that and I know that!!! but I am really struggling to enjoy my own company as I am not so frisky now as I usedto be.. Iread what I should do on the web etc... but learning to enjoy ones own company is not easy.

love this thread, yes, I guess I may be a little depressed also, but I refuse to take medication for it, I take enough medications,, and I will beat this... I am very fortunate that I have my Faith.

Polwal

I'm retired. Only child. Both parents passed in the last 3 years.
I'm still grieving this but don't really have friends to speak to about it. Husband is supportive but I don't really think he knows how I feel.
We have grandchildren who are great. But I'm not putting my stresses on to them. They too will have stresses in later life. 💞

That loss cuts very deep.

jakuss - do your 2 sons have children ? If so, you could leave your estate to them - they have done nothing wrong.