How do I get past this

I gave up smoking over 22 years ago.
I used to smoke a ton of roll ups everyday because they were cheap.
See below for my health reasons for giving up smoking .

I was a very heavy smoker and loved smoking. Smoked for nearly 30 years. Then l started to lose some teeth because l had a gum disease through smoking.

The teeth were fine, my gums didn't hurt but they had begun to shrink.

Then l had to have a radical hysterectomy

You know the ones before key hole surgery. Where you could almost have a taxi waiting to take you home after the op.

My hysterectomy was old school. Where you feel as though you are the Magicians Assistant Lady and have been cut in half.

So l decided l needed to stop smoking before the operation. With help of nicotine patches, the Allen Carr book on giving up smoking and liquorice strips and plenty of bottled water. I managed to do it.

Luckily l don't drink and live by myself so l didn't have any distractions.

Had a lung x-ray last year and do have some damage but was pleased it was not that serious.

Also the UK price of cigarettes is now phenomenal So that should be a big incentive to stop smoking.

But it is an addicton and a really enjoyable habit. And only you can decide if you want to stop.

So Good Luck if you trying to give up smoking and don't be too hard on yourself..If you have few false starts.

Keep trying,
Best of luck
🤞👍

My DH smoked for years and always found it hard to give up. He went into hospital about 18 months ago as one of his medications for his COPD was changed and it made him ill. He was in hospital for 3 weeks and has never smoked since. It has never bothered him to have given up so suddenly.
However, it was found he had sleep apnoea and has a cpap machine at night and now might have to have an oxygen machine in the day. I can't imagine what he would be like if he still smoked. He did so well to give up like he did.

Smoking is a drug.

As an ex-smoker, I can confirm it is an addiction that the person concerned has to really, really want to give up.

I tried the patches, but it was the inhaling that I really missed, so I bought some "herbal" tobacco - no, not the illegal stuff, this was from Holland and Barrett - mixed a little bit in with normal tobacco (I rolled my own ciggies) and gradually increased the amount until there was no normal tobacco in there. That was when I was able to decide there was no point to the "rollies" and could stop.

Even now, I could start smoking again very very easily, on the rare occasion I'm near someone smoking, I have been known to take a long deep breathe of the drifting smoke!

I'm so sad to say OP, that I TOTALLY understand how you feel. My DH has smoked all his life, he is now 65. He gave up once for about a year, but there was a stressful event, and lo and behold he went back to it. Recently he has had to go into hospital for surgery, and told me he knew he had to stop. He stopped for 4 weeks, then the 2 days before the operation, he gave into the urge, although only had 1 each day. He's now home from hospital, and the first time he was able to get outside (I won't let him do it inside), he was straight back on them. He was found to have Claudication in his legs 5 years ago, and was told that if he didn't stop smoking he would end up having his legs amputated. Even this didn't stop him! He is now due to have a stent put in his leg because of this. In reality, much as it upsets me, because I love him deeply and don't want to lose him, I KNOW he won't give up now, as if he was going to do it long term, he would have with the threats he's already seeing to his life, and now, to top it all off he has COPD! If I didn't love him so much, I would leave him, but as I do, I have to accept that it's his choice, hard as it is.

Does he smoke around you? Couldn’t live with someone who had so little regard for my health.

Not only DH is exposed to smoking but you are too. Just impose "no smoking zones" for your own health. He is addicted and unless anything obviously serious happens sounds
like he will not give up.

I understand completely I smoke for 40 years and it was only because I was fed up of the smell of tobacco in my hair and constantly wiping down white paint work and because I knew my husband would like me to give up did I do anything about it. I went to a hypnotist and after two sessions I decided I didn't like smoking. Nowadays I can't bear the smell of anyone smoking and if anyone is a smoker I have to move away . I have successfully being a non-smoker for 30 years
.
.

The word ‘phlegm’ would mean divorce or living separately for me.

I have'nt smoked for over 50 years, but I still fancy one.

jakuss

Leave him be, thank god it's not drugs

Make no mistake, nicotine is a very powerful and dangerously addictive drug. Just because it is readily available legally doesn't mean it is not as much a drug as heroin, cocaine and marijuana and all the other illegals.

You knew when you married your husband that he smoked and had done so for many years prior to the pair of you meeting.

I know, and you know, and he can hardly avoid knowing it as well, that smoking is not healthy, but has he ever said he wants to give it up? And have you ever seriously asked him to do so?

No one who is addicted to anything will be able to quit it, unless they really, really want to and have a lot of help.

Sadly, if your husband is coughing and bringing up phleghm it may be too late for stopping smoking to do any real good.

Just as well your DH is financially secure! At £15 for twenty cigarettes is the best part of £5,500 a year! You have my deepest sympathies, my DH was also a smoker but gave up when he was in his thirties. I hated it with a vengeance, and the smell of it always seems dirty to me although I know it’s not from lack of personal hygiene. I don’t think a dedicated smoker will ever give up unless they really really want to. I think I would say it’s me or the fags! Good luck.

Leave him be, thank god it's not drugs

As an ex smoker I firmly believe no outside help will work until you are really committed to stopping. It's easy to say I wish I could stop but you have to really want to.

My other half was a 40 a day man for 40 years! It was the cough which made him stop but he has now developed COPD so on an inhaler when he remembers! As others have said you are dealing with an adult as am I ! You cannot make them do anything unless they really want to ! Some folks just gave addictive personalities and are very stubborn !!
Good luck!

My husband went from 40 a day to zero after reading this book. He didn't even tell me he was doing it. Almost 20 years on he has never smoked again and says he doesn't miss it.

My mother and FIL both died young as a result of a heavy smoking habit. My mother died when my eldest was three and my FIL never saw his GCs.

Both of them were so seriously addicted that nothing anyone said or did, believe me we all tried, made any impression on them. It seems that, in some cases, smoking takes over the mind as well as the body. In other words, they have to want to stop.

Thank you for your replies , he doesn't smoke in the house. He was 60 in January and declared, this is the year , he was going to give up smoking . He took early retirement 4 years ago . He's financially secure , it is expensive though nearly £15 now for a packet of 20. Which he buys everyday. For me , it's the effect on his health, I try not to worry about him , but when he coughing so much , it's hard not too. I fear this could come between us

I think some local authorities run courses to help people stop.

Of course, the person has to engage with them.

I personally could not tolerate living with a smoker. Many are simply too inconsiderate to see the how awful it is for others to smell and breathe the residuals no matter how much they claim to wash after. OP, you have my sympathy. Addiction or not, those who want help will take steps to help themselves with support from loved ones.

For your own health, second hand smoke is absolutely a hazard. If he will not look after himself, shift focus to yourself and ways you can mitigate your own health risks. Please read up on second hand smoke risks and take proper precautions.

A smoker can read a library of books but they have to WANT to stop to have any success in overcoming the nicotine addiction!

As an ex smoker I can confirm that it is difficult but with commitment, and a strong will it is possible!

Debbi58

Thank you for your replies, he won't see a doctor, he never has as long as I've known him . He's never done any of the tests the NHS send out. I suppose I was hoping he might try a bit harder because he knows how I worry about his health

I came to the conclusion that because our spouses know we are worrying about their health, they see it as a sign of weakness in themselves if they take any notice of it and become even more intransigent., even if in other ways they will take advice and listen.

Carenza123

My husband is - and always will be - a smoker. He will be 80 this year. He has sleep apnea and COPD. He had a TIA last year. He will not give up smoking and doesn’t want to - despite going to hospital twice for four days at a time in the last two months because of COPD flare ups where he has difficulty breathing. He smokes in his bedroom and constantly burns things. My daughter says it’s a health and safety risk which ai fully agree with. He doesn’t care about how I feel or the hazards, so we just carry on. It’s a dirty habit.

Make sure there is a smoke alarm in the bedroom or on the ceiling of the landing outside his room. My friend did this when her FiL, who smoked, spent the last year of his life with her and family. It went off tegularly because he would fall asleep smoking, but at least they were able to intervene before any fire started or took hold.

My ex partner smoked all of his life. We were strapped for cash all the time. Me and my son moved out and we split up. He died of throat cancer two years ago. I’ve never smoked and neither has my son.