Is a new relationship possible without sex?

No this won't work. Ask yourself why you would even consider having any sort of relationship with a man who clearly doesn't listen to you or have any consideration for you.
He won't take no for an answer believe me!

It's such a shame, he obviously still sees you as this person he met in the University years , alas you were both different then.
I think you need to say how much you value his friendship, and caring about each other BUT that you need to 'Set out your stall' No means no and always will. You will have to swallow your pride and say you are happy for him to move on if he wants this side of a relationship with someone but that it can't be you, now or ever. Don't give him false signals or that could result in nasty misunderstandings and hurt pride down the line. Be very clear. If he's not understanding or willing to go 'Friendship only' which I don't think he is, then you will sadly have to be strong enough to walk away.

It would be very unusual to be able and willing to totally give up sex in his 50s.

This is not a "soon-to-be new man friend" - which is what he presumably thought.

It seems to me to be better navigated as an "occasional coffee catch-up" if you enjoy each other's company.

Sex is typically quite pleasurable to both, you're not inclined towards sex, I'd think perhaps telling him politely "no sex, just a lovely friendship".

Does "Shutting up shop" mean the building has been demolished?

For many people, I think the capacity for intimacy is still there; it’s just behind a very heavy, rusted shutter.
You said yourself "after a barren decade or so and fear of sex"...
Might you be open to seeking some professional advice?
You initially said it was "medical stuff" but it may be mainly fear.

I am NOT suggesting you change your mind. Just wondering if you had given "outside help" a thought - irrespective of this man.
You are still young.

Surely you don’t expect a man in his 50s to go without sex ?!!! If you don’t give it, he’ll get it from someone else.
Good luck with the friendship…. once you’ve had a chat with him, I’m sure he’ll understand, as long as you understand too.

David 49.. Is spot on. You need to tell him you can be friends but without benefits.
Don't do it by text call him. I would cancel your next meeting and then why him hopefully the "penny will drop" your serious.
It's a shame but you both have to be on the same page, especially if you become heavily involved, otherwise too much heartache.

I am glad somebody else got the coercive and disrespecting vibe he is sending

It looks as if everyone whose responded is 'on the same page'
Dazy.

You need to make your feelings absolutely clear and include that anything more than an affectionate kiss on the cheek, is off the table.

I would 'phone him, tell him how you feel and you'll understand if he wishes to cancel Saturday's arrangement. I hope that he'll want to continue to see you as a friend.

Back to that ‘old chestnut’, the platonic friendship’ personally I don’t think they really work, if one wants sex & the other doesn’t.
I’d just let him meet someone else.

SORES

However,
after consultation with a wolf -

whilst you are giddy with delight at the prospect of a
‘new man friend’ -your conditions are unrealistic

In his mid fifties, of course he will want a physical relationship.
be prepared for this to end badly

Sores, he's an ex-lover from the past . Not so "new".

He's previously known her as a passionate sexy lover so now they're getting on like a house on fire again , small wonder that he hopes/wonders if her old flames might re-kindle. He probably interpreted no sex as no sexual intercourse.

I agree she has to tell him that when she said no sex, that means no sensual contact at all. No kisses, hugs, cuddles, handholding, pecks, strokes, pats.

He needs to hear that before the next date at her house.

If you don't want to divulge any further information to him,can't you tell him that you are celibate and it's not going to change

You must tell him, again, and maybe suggest a neutral meeting place, not your home. You need to consider your own safety. Be prepared for him to not turn up at the new venue or ( better) to end the friendship here and now. Better that than find yourself in an impossible situation.

Dazy- Awwww bless you, I can totally see this and get it. I was such a physical gal when I was younger, I just needed good sex, either with myself or my lovely partner (he’s died now). I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship but like you, sex leaves me cold, kissy, touchy, god forbid penetration!
You are just going to have to be honest with him if the relationship is to develop and have any longevity.

I have been married for 44 years and had a good sex life until I had cancer and had my ovaries irradiated. From that point on I have been unable to have painless sex. Like you, my libido has shut down and for a number of years have not had a sex life. My DH is very understanding and does not pressure me, although I am sure that he does miss the intimacy. We are in our 70's now. Also like you, I do not want to do the 'other stuff', (I know what you mean). We have a very good, platonic relationship and are best friends, but it has to be acceptable by both parties from the start to work.

butterandjam

SORES

However,
after consultation with a wolf -

whilst you are giddy with delight at the prospect of a
‘new man friend’ -your conditions are unrealistic

In his mid fifties, of course he will want a physical relationship.
be prepared for this to end badly

Sores, he's an ex-lover from the past . Not so "new".

He's previously known her as a passionate sexy lover so now they're getting on like a house on fire again , small wonder that he hopes/wonders if her old flames might re-kindle. He probably interpreted no sex as no sexual intercourse.

I agree she has to tell him that when she said no sex, that means no sensual contact at all. No kisses, hugs, cuddles, handholding, pecks, strokes, pats.

He needs to hear that before the next date at her house.

why are you telling me this? I’m not her agent
besides which
‘new man friend’ was a direct quote

I think it's a very sad situation. You've told him what your position is but he very probably thinks this will change in the future. As you didn't even enjoy kissing then it seems his hopes will be unfulfilled.
I assume from what you say that you're not willing to undertake any sort of counselling to try to change your viewpoint so it's only fair that you explain it all to him again and give him the opportunity to walk away from anything more than a platonic friendship.

Dazy you have told him in no uncertain terms so why do you need to tell him again? You have set your boundaries so good on you. But,
and there's always a bur ,him being a man will always think you will change your mind I'm afraid as especially as he's in his 50s

SORES

butterandjam

SORES

However,
after consultation with a wolf -

whilst you are giddy with delight at the prospect of a
‘new man friend’ -your conditions are unrealistic

In his mid fifties, of course he will want a physical relationship.
be prepared for this to end badly

Sores, he's an ex-lover from the past . Not so "new".

He's previously known her as a passionate sexy lover so now they're getting on like a house on fire again , small wonder that he hopes/wonders if her old flames might re-kindle. He probably interpreted no sex as no sexual intercourse.

I agree she has to tell him that when she said no sex, that means no sensual contact at all. No kisses, hugs, cuddles, handholding, pecks, strokes, pats.

He needs to hear that before the next date at her house.

why are you telling me this? I’m not her agent
besides which
‘new man friend’ was a direct quote

because it was you who referred to him as a wolf.

Thank you everyone, your replies are beyond helpful and entirely unanimous.
I loved the Gentleman/Wolf quote.
Completely get it.
Yes I did explicitly say last year that I couldn't have sex. It was our first encounter after decades, we were talking about why we were single and he mentioned he would like to have a companion one day. When I said I can't have sex because of my condition) he joked "can't you just do it very slowly"
We met again recently and he asked how is your health...I said I'm better but still very careful not to do anything to bring on a flare. Possibly gave a green light there unknowingly?

No two ways about it, got to summon up the courage to talk to him and postpone Saturday.

Sometimes it doesn't even have to be said, its just "there" (someone hoping, waiting for you to aquiese, which i don't know how to spell anymore, it seems )

You know he was not joking, but pushing, right?

How did you react when he kissed you so passionately? Did you make it clear you were totally repulsed by his actions? If so, and he keeps persisting in his efforts to “woo” you sexually, then you have to be brutally honest and walk away, as your expectations from any future relationship are incompatible

Oreo

I agree with MissAdventure you know you don’t want a sexual relationship with him, even kissing and he thinks he just has to take his time but that you’re going to give in eventually.

I too agree.

I’d be really open and quite straightforward, and say something along the lines of, “I really like you and would love to stay good friends, but I need to be very clear, I do not, and cannot, involve myself in anything physical at all. I won’t change my mind or feelings in this matter, so aside from hugs, I really am just looking for close companionship and friendship, I just don’t want to mislead you in any way”

If he won’t or can’t accept this, please show him the door!

I had a friend who had a few years on her own after separating from her long term partner. They stopped having sex quite some time before they separated. She had had a hysterectomy with complications and she went completely off sex.

She was happy on her own then met a man while they were both working for a charity. They had similar interests and went for coffee and meals and he said he hoped they could have a relationship. She told him straight away that she only wanted a friendship and nothing sexual. He then tried to win her over and was a real pest leaving flowers and gifts on her doorstep when she was out so she suspected he was stalking her. He was very persistent and she eventually got rid of him by involving her family and threatening him with the Police.

You need to tell him once and for all what you do and do not want in a relationship. Any doubts and walk away.