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Is a new relationship possible without sex?

(59 Posts)
Dazy Mon 11-May-26 20:52:19

I'll try to keep this short. I'm mid 50s and so is my soon-to-be new man friend!
We are reunited after being in love at University, having decades apart, becoming parents and divorcees and then joyfully finding one another again. It's an incredibly happy reunion and he makes me cry with laughter all the time. We're so similar, lots of common ground.

The trouble is, I can't have sex anymore and he's clearly v attracted to me. Its medical stuff and I don't at my age want to do the other stuff! 🥴

We've met up a few times now and it's been so beautiful. I am drawn to him but feel no real physical chemistry, it's like that part of me has shut down entirely.

I told him when I first met him I can't have sex therefore no more relationships , he joked "can't you just go really slowly" but I smiled and said I'd never risk hurting myself.
On our last date, he kissed me at the end and it felt revolting! Tongues, yuk!
I used to be very passionate once upon a time including with him but after a barren decade or so and fear of sex I have literally shut up shop down below...

He wants to see me this Saturday, I agreed because I want to see him but should I reiterate the point about sex? He's suggesting visiting me at home which has connotations doesn't it?
How to phrase it?
Thanks for any advice

win Tue 12-May-26 22:02:52

MissAdventure

I think it's very possible, but only if both are happy with the "no sex" stance.

He is clearly not happy with it despite you telling him, he thinks like most people would that you just need to find your spark again, which is usually done with lots of petting but no actually sex until you literally crave it, which often happens, but you sound like you are not willing to try, so no I do not think this relationship will work, so sorry.

win Tue 12-May-26 22:04:10

Miss Adventure I was just commenting on your post I know it is not you who is the OP so I was directing my post at the OP but in relation to your answer. Hope that was OK

MissAdventure Tue 12-May-26 22:05:55

Its fine with me, win.
I hardy know who's posting to who, anyway. smile

win Tue 12-May-26 22:20:12

grin grin grin

Shelflife Wed 13-May-26 00:14:41

This relationship will never work! You should both move on in very different directions.

Nurseundercover Wed 13-May-26 00:19:44

I believe you absolutely can have a healthy platonic relationship which encompasses love and affection minus a sexual element. However it does need to be what both parties want and are content with that decision. Without being totally honest with each other about your expectations this could lead to a great deal of stress and hurt.
I do wish you every happiness.

Dempie55 Wed 13-May-26 00:45:20

He still fancies you but you don’t fancy him, or any man.

This is going nowhere. Say goodbye and get a dog.

David49 Wed 13-May-26 01:07:14

I did have 2 platonic holidays with my sister, her husband was too ill to travel as was my wife, we shared a twin room, respected each others privacy of course, it worked surprisingly well.
We did everything together obviously no passion spark on either side, I have 2 close friends both have had prostatectomy's at 65 + which ended sex, both mutually happy with their wives, neither are looking for anyone else. A new relationship is entirely different.