On my mind

Yes I have. My husband (now Ex) mocked my gait, my choice of clothes etc etc
I concentrated on the compliments I used to get and the fact that I ONCE won a beauty competition.😂 -
I’m sorry Shimmer - I am exactly like you - I go over hurtful things that were said to me years and years ago, not just by my Ex , but other family members too, not necessarily about my looks, but about various other things.
I over think and make myself ill.

Not my look but always remember when I got a nojor promotion after a gruellinv interview process being told by someone "Oh well you have just got the gift of the gab!"

Things stick in ones mind when so patently unfair. You are you however you look- who cares eh? Keep focusing on those positives 💐

Yes absolutely I remember and take to heart any negative comment about my appearance and any criticism about me in general,
I believe we are all insecure underneath and some people can be tactless.

Yes but I try hard to put it out of my mind.

We are all the same inside (well almost!)

Yes, not about appearance but about my voice. I overheard my grandfather making a very negative comment about my singing voice when I was in primary school. I’ve not sung a note since although I so wish I could. It also left a worry about speaking in public which was with me for many years into adulthood and only put to rest when I had to record myself speaking as part of professional training. Unthinking comments sometimes have long lasting consequences.

The only remark I remember is about 75 years ago, when Iwas about 6 and a friend of my Nans said ‘she’s a pasty looking child’ what a weird thing to remember out of all my childhood, I don’t remember a whole lot at all , but I remember where we were, in a sub post office, long gone, and Iwas hiding behind my Nans legs, I was a shy child. How weird is that ?

When we were teenagers, my older brother used to say out of the blue "Magenta" and I would reply "Yes." then he would say "Why are you so ugly?" His nick name for me was Ugilope and he thought it was hilarious to get his friends to ask me why I was so ugly as well.

That made me laugh Magenta because it is so typical of siblings. I can’t remember any incidents myself though I am sure there were some. I do remember crying when I was about four because someone said how much like my father I looked and I did not want to look like a boy.

When I was very small, my mother got me a very short stylish pixie haircut. I went to school in my little dress (because girls were only allowed to wear dresses every single day) and a little boy came up to me and asked if I were a boy or a girl. That really confused me. I think I was five. I think I hid.

Visiting a maiden great-aunt after not having seen her in many years she said “Oh you’ve improved! You were a very plain child”. She was no oil-painting herself 😂

I think time past older relatives were quite quick to comment on looks. It is just what they did. Nowadays, we are more conscious of offending people which is a good thing. But, we do need to tell our young people to come back with a fitting retort like: 'Looked at yourself lately'.

Greenfinch

That made me laugh Magenta because it is so typical of siblings. I can’t remember any incidents myself though I am sure there were some. I do remember crying when I was about four because someone said how much like my father I looked and I did not want to look like a boy.

I am glad you found it amusing Greenfinch I didn't at the time and I still don't. This was not just an incident, it went on for years.

I would never have allowed my DCs to behave in this way.

Yes, constant comments from my mum, "no one who has blue eyes can be pretty, what horrible hair you have (strait honey blonde?) and used to dress me in 'odd' clothing. I honestly thought I was ugly, I suppose that was the point!
Things took an even stranger turn when I turned 13 and I had to walk on the other side of the road from her as the men were looking at me & not her.
I dare say there was diagnosis for her behaviour. I left home at 15.

A friend of a friend complimented another friend on how pretty she was. She then looked at me and said, "at least you have character." I have never forgotten it although I don't let it bother me. Another person I knew made a nasty comment about my singing voice. I haven't forgiven that one. However I don't dwell on it. It shows more about them and me

Try to concentrate on your good points.
I think that some people say hurtful things to make themselves feel better or superior.
But
.people can be cruel .
They don't realise the damage that they do .with hurtful comments.
They are laughing whilst your crying inside.

I'm much fatter than I used to be.

I was always much slimmer than a friend-who has finally got her weight under control - shame about her vindictiveness.
She claims to be a 12 .
I think that she a 16 .

The other day ,
she brought round some clothing and said that they are far too big for her ,but they'd do for me .
I returned them politely.
I think that even if they were couture-I'd have given them back .
I've noticed the little digs about my weight gain several times.

I have another friend ,who used to be plump . I meet her for coffee and shopping occasionally . She's always very keen to come out with me.
Apart from her appalling time keeping and rambling -I'm fed up with her alluding to my weight .
I think that it's each time that I see her .
Last week ,she brought me some enormous clown trousers which would fit me as she continuously stretched the elastic to illustrate how roomy they are .
Then,when we had a drink I was asked if I always eat cakes . I noticed that it was yet another occasion when she tried to get me to pay for her . She's always on the cadge.
I felt acutely sorry for her as shes alone.

I'm going shopping today and I 'm not calling her and I'm not in the mood to meet up for the sake of my sanity .

I once jogged past a pair of workmen. One said to the other 'Look at the a*se on that!' I just found it hilarious.

More hurtful was my mother's comment on my ugliness when she entered photos of my brother and me into a newspaper competition and my brother's won. I could never please her, but my brother could do no wrong, right through her life.

Sorry Magenta.It was a bit insensitive of me to laugh. I had no siblings and am envious of that sort of “banter” but perhaps I am looking at it from an adult perspective when I could easily think of a pertinent response. I can understand you did not see it that way as a teenager.

I have never forgot being in the primary school playground always standing alone because no-one wanted to hold my hands playing things like ring a ring of roses. One child had said I had the lergy and didn't want to catch it. That comment went round the playground and eventually the school. It was very bad eczema and to this day I'm still very conscious of my hands and hate writing in full view of people.

I once did a university short course as an adult and we had to do an assignment at home, bring it in the next week and speak for ten minutes about it in 'An amusing and erudite way' We were all very nervous standing in front of the class, my turn came, I felt sick, but I did my 'Speech' and I could see the pig of a lecturer pulling faces like a Bulldog chewing a wasp.At the end of each speech the lecturer gave feedback good and bad ABOUT the subject and how it was presented. With mine he said 'Excellent exploration of subject matter and subsequent analysis, but shame about that TERRIBLE voice, it's not good AT ALL'... OMG that gave me SUCH a complex, asking people if my voice was ok, too loud, too quiet, too screechy ? No one had ever mentioned it before ..or since for that matter and I think he just probably didn't like me or my Yorkshire accent,but it really knocked my confidence for ages after.

Esmay

Try to concentrate on your good points.
I think that some people say hurtful things to make themselves feel better or superior.
But
.people can be cruel .
They don't realise the damage that they do .with hurtful comments.
They are laughing whilst your crying inside.

I'm much fatter than I used to be.

I was always much slimmer than a friend-who has finally got her weight under control - shame about her vindictiveness.
She claims to be a 12 .
I think that she a 16 .

The other day ,
she brought round some clothing and said that they are far too big for her ,but they'd do for me .
I returned them politely.
I think that even if they were couture-I'd have given them back .
I've noticed the little digs about my weight gain several times.

I have another friend ,who used to be plump . I meet her for coffee and shopping occasionally . She's always very keen to come out with me.
Apart from her appalling time keeping and rambling -I'm fed up with her alluding to my weight .
I think that it's each time that I see her .
Last week ,she brought me some enormous clown trousers which would fit me as she continuously stretched the elastic to illustrate how roomy they are .
Then,when we had a drink I was asked if I always eat cakes . I noticed that it was yet another occasion when she tried to get me to pay for her . She's always on the cadge.
I felt acutely sorry for her as shes alone.

I'm going shopping today and I 'm not calling her and I'm not in the mood to meet up for the sake of my sanity .

It's hardly surprising that your friend is alone if she behaves like this. You deserve better

A friend of my mother’s once said I had sturdy legs (I have!) and I misheard and was quite indignant and said I did NOT have dirty legs!! I have a big nose and it’s often been commented on. It hurt in my teens but no longer.

What makes a person say insulting comments,one of the horrible comments that was said to me came from a man in his sixties at the time.
I worked in a supermarket and he was a customer.
He made a really insulting comment to me in front of a colleague.
I just dont get it

Esmay, I think your friend sounds envious. However I wouldn't be seeing her. I cannot see why anyone would mention how someone looks, very rude and insensitive and not the type of person whose opinion I would value.. It says more about them.
No one is perfect and makes us all unique.
Shimmer, those boys were just trying to impress each other at your expense, it could have been anyone.

@Esmay, I have a “friend” a bit like this. She has managed to offend just about everyone she knows in one way or another. One birthday, she gave me a wrapped up present that contained secondhand dress that had been passed on to her. It was of a style that has never been fashionable and grey, which is a colour that gives me the not so glamorous six feet under look. The biggest insult was the size of it - I have seen smaller tents. Size 26 would be a conservative estimate. This was accompanied by the words: “it was too big for me so I thought it might fit you.” The irony was that we were a similar medium size and, if anything, she was bigger than me at that point. A few days later, I took it to a charity shop and l was not sure that they would accept such a hideous monstrosity. After being assured that they would and that someone would buy it, I turned round to see another friend, who was obviously very amused by the whole thing. Her comment was: “that dress is for you and who else?”