Speaking my mind!

I will definitely speak my mind when my integrity or dignity is questioned. Or l am being called a liar

Otherwise I just don't have the time to waste.

True assertiveness is not aggressive. Acknowledge the other person's point of view, state your own and, if necessary, agree to differ.

I think maybe we need to be mindful of Emily Dickinson’s advice - ‘Tell the truth but tell it slant - success in circuit lies’ ……. 👍☘️🕊️

Fallingstar

Was always a people pleaser but since becoming a full time carer for my DH I find my patience can now be stretched very easily. But I do try to bite my lip and count to ten. There were several matriarchs in my family when I was younger and they were incorrigible, most people would head for cover when they saw them coming. Was one of them who chose to tell me in front of other family members that I would never amount anything. After that my mum and dad didn’t visit her very often and certainly never insisted I go with them.

I'm glad you had supportive parents, that sort of thing is horrible and a stupid and pointless thing to say to a young child! It actually said more about them than you.

EVEOHA2602

I think maybe we need to be mindful of Emily Dickinson’s advice - ‘Tell the truth but tell it slant - success in circuit lies’ ……. 👍☘️🕊️

That is brilliant. Why isn't it better known?

ViceVersa

DaisyAnneReturns

I think people can become more assertive as they get older. That could be for many reasons. Someone could feel unheard, or it may be that is socially more acceptable now. As long as it's not aggressive I don't see a problem.

The trouble is that what one person may see as 'assertive' may well come across as aggressive to another, especially the person on the receiving end.

I long ago came to the conclusion that there is nothing anyone says that someone will not take exception to.

So many people have so many filters between their ears and their brain it is amazing they are not visible and the most anodyne remark passing through those filters gets turned into something unrecognisable to the person who made the original remark.

I had an uncle who used to retell the story of his first day at work and the crushing dismissive remarks made to him by his manager. Anyone this story was told to would look at him blankly because we would have interpreted these remarks as wholly positive. But clearly they scarred him for life.

If I am honest DH is inclined that way, and I have been taken aback on several occasions by his utterly negative interpretation of quite innocent remarks I have made.

Im pretty confident of my opinions on what will work in practice and what won't, with family I may express an opinion, often they will carry on just to try to prove me wrong then fall flat on their face.
Ive had my say it was their choice, I did make one big mistake I could have vetoed a project that was far too ambitious, too much was borrowed and Im having to bail them out.

I’m noticing my best friend is becoming very offhand and judgmental with waiters and anyone in a serving capacity.
It’s very unattractive as she is otherwise a good person.
I know she has family problems and is drinking too much, when she can get a bit aggressive.

When we go out now, I tell her to behave herself!

Monica - it’s the first line(s) of a poem of hers - most of the others are quite dispiriting so maybe that’s why Dickinson not so widely read - my other favourite is ‘Life - believe is not a dream as dark as sages say…and oft a little morning rain foretells a pleasant day’ 👍☘️

I do think we can become more unfiltered as we age. Less concerned about how we come across. But I agree with others - as well as neconing more truthful. it's about also becomung wiser, more grateful, understanding and empathetic- the whole shebang makes it work.

EVEOHA2602

Monica - it’s the first line(s) of a poem of hers - most of the others are quite dispiriting so maybe that’s why Dickinson not so widely read - my other favourite is ‘Life - believe is not a dream as dark as sages say…and oft a little morning rain foretells a pleasant day’ 👍☘️

Thank you

Dear Stillness. I feel for you and am in the same situation. I continously feel misunderstood because I do not want to be offensive but come across like that. Often it is just my tone of voice.! I have a wonderful clear thinking Doctor in Germany who told me recently: 'You do not need therapy, you just need to learn how to controll yourself'. But this is soo difficult. I wish you strength xxx

My sister is definitely a speak your mind even if it’s hurtful, but I’m more sensitive and tactful.